The Phylotopian

A return?

2012-01-06T10:37:00.001Z

Nearly. It's coming. It is! I promise.

Of love & leaving. And holidays.

2010-01-07T22:19:00.003Z

The best and the worst thing about my job is that it brings me into daily contact with the human race. Fortunately I don't have to speak to them on the telephone, somebody else does that, but I do get to read their rambling, incoherent, poorly written letters. And I get some gems! I'm compiling a selection for your delight and delectation, but I had to share this one with you now.

It came from a chap who is claiming money from a failed holiday company. He'd submitted forms for two identical holidays a fact that he felt the need to explain...

I booked my holiday over the internet on the afternoon of 16 December. It was only when I printed off the receipt that I realised that I'd forgotten to include my girlfriend.

Who says romance is dead? Not Romeo here, for his true love is never more that a moment away from his thoughts. I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Winter Wonderland

2010-01-07T11:21:00.002Z

I was in Sainsburys yesterday, stocking up on Bovril, oats, Kendal Mint Cake – the sorts of things one needs to get through the nuclear winter we are currently in the midst off. As the greater populace are showing a distinct lack of the sort of determination that once built us an Empire, only about three members of staff had bothered to show up. Consequently, there were no proper tills open, just the self service ones I so despise.

Needs must however, so grasping my basket, I joined the rear of the shortest queue. I judged that I’d be queuing for around 20 minutes, so I began to examine the people around me. What else does one do in a queue? The chap in front of me didn’t have a laden basket like most of my fellow shoppers. He only had one item. A sachet of instant chocolate drink. Yes, just one sachet of instant chocolate drink. I like a chocolate drink as much as the next man, but clearly not as much as this man. How desperate does a person have to be leave the warmth of his home, venture out into the snow, queue for 20 minutes, then trek home simply for one mug of watery chocolate drink? I don’t think I’ve ever shown that degree of commitment to anything. If I’d caught his name I’d have nominated him for an OBE. I salute you sir.

Apropos of nothing, since quitting smoking a few weeks ago my body is expelling all manner of luridly coloured fluids and juices. I think I should keep it all in a jar.

Do it yourself

2009-04-21T18:24:00.003Z

I’ve had cause, in posts passim, to moan about the appalling standard of customer service in this country before. Clearly I haven’t been listened to, so I’m going to have to do it again. Same shop though – Sainsburys.

Last time, it was because I was asked “Would you like any help packing?” when I was buying three items. They are now at the other end of the spectrum. Recently the Sainsburys in Reading town centre has had about half its checkouts removed and replaced with self service check outs. So you do your own scanning and bagging. It’s an obvious money saving rouse as the customer does what traditionally stores have had to pay people to do. I’ve used these machines before in M&S and found them satisfactory as long as there are staff about to help you. If you don’t put your goods into the bag quick enough the machines go “beep, beep, beep” and request you seek assistance. Buying wine? “beep, beep, beep.” Aspirin? “beep, beep, beep.” Bleach? “beep, beep, beep.” You get the idea.

This works in M&S as they have about one member of staff to four self service tills, but Sainsburys have about one for eight. Unsurprisingly, it was pretty busy there tonight after office hours. Or does the Reading store have a new manager with no retail experience as this flood of people seemed to have taken them totally by surprise. Is it “bring your child to work week” leading to the store being managed by 2 five year olds? (This will doubtless be the subject to a later post if any bloody children are bought in to my office, but we’ll cross that bridge at the time.) There were 7 or 8 people queuing for each bank of four tills and one harassed assistant trying to quell the beeps.

There was only one proper checkout open. It had seventeen people in the queue. I counted them. I think that’s a pretty clear vote on the popularity of self service checkouts. Will anything change? No.

This will soon be re-written and emailed to Sainsburys for their comments. I will of course share any reply. In fact, I can probably do that now…

Blah, blah, blah, disappointing shopping experience, blah, blah, blah, embracing new technology, blah, blah, blah, some difficulties in the transitional phase, blah, blah, blah, we welcome your money – sorry feedback… and so it will go on.

I went on as well. To Marks & Spencer. Their fine wines are very reasonably priced.

Bullies

2009-04-18T02:21:00.006Z

This annoys me...

Court jails Pirate Bay founders

A court in Sweden has jailed four men behind The Pirate Bay (TPB), the world's most high-profile file-sharing website, in a landmark case.

Forgive me if I'm wrong (yeah), but TPB aren't really a file sharing network if you boil it down. They are a glorified search engine for torrent trackers. The whole point about torrenting is that you are lifting stuff from somebody's computer, not a massive database of stored material, hosted, managed and distributed by The Bay. It's high-tech Socialism and it works. As does the more traditional Socialism, but that's for another day.

I know torrenting is illegal, which is why you'll never catch me doing it, so TPB are facilitating the sharing of copyrighted material, but I could just as easily search Google for say "30 Rock torrents" and guess what - I'd find links for 30 Rock torrents.

But Sony, EMI, etc didn't sue Google did they?

No.

Why?

Because Google are FUCKING MASSIVE, worth $$$$$$$ and probably have a pretty sharp legal team? I mean a better legal team even than Jacko's. Shit, I bet they even got Denny Crane leading. Best to pick on a bunch of geeky stoners who saw the whole thing as a bit of a wheeze right from the start, safe in the knowledge that, whatever the result their cult status would remain intact.

It's maddening. The best way to celebrate this victory for 'the man' is to, all of you, torrent at least one file. Now. Use The Bay, it's still live and as they say "Don't worry - we're from the internets. It's going to be alright. :-)"

Will this result stop torrenting? Yes. In exactly the same way that Bush/Bliar's war on terror has ended terrorism. Oh, hang on...

I can recommend 30 Rock by the way. And Boston Legal.

More tea vicar?

2009-04-16T20:58:00.001Z

"If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time." Bertrand Russell 1952.

D Day

2009-02-02T15:39:00.003Z

Yes, it's Transfer Deadline Day.

And once again, the mighty Spurs are being linked to every two-footed male from Fatty Foulke to some bloke who has a smooth bottom.

There's only one name on our lips though.

Come back Robbie Keane,
Oh, where have you been...

On a bench in Liverpool. Criminal.

Insomnia

2008-08-27T19:59:00.001Z

I had the weirdest f'kin insomnia last night. It gets me, I don't know - monthly maybe. Full moon? There is a shit load of apocryphal evidence showing that people and animals react to full moons but it's the sort of thing that science just hates. I swear my cats get feisty on the full moon and a friend of mine who used to work in nursing told me that old people and nutters (two for two) get all hyper on the night the moon is at its fullest. But the trouble with science - much as I respect it, is that when faced with overwhelming circumstantial evidence but nothing which can be put into an equation it just doesn't compute in them rigorously logical minds. But I digress.

My insomnia is normally of the kind that I consider traditional - it's my most common form anyway; my frontal lobe just goes off on tangent upon tangent, weaving conversations into imaginations into lucid dreams into, well into the parts of my subconscious that I really sort of love but which I am too fond of sleep to visit often. The noise up there is so great that sometimes I'm surprised anyone in the house can sleep let alone me.

Last night was nothing like that at all. Last night the inside of my head, my subconscious was the universe. It was all that is known and it was all that is unknown. I had the most astonishing and I really do mean astonishing (bold, italics, whatever) sense of space. A spacial awareness that I imagine astronauts get when they space walk, as they first step out into the void. But much more massive. I was everywhere and I was nowhere. I could see everything. Do you have any idea what I mean?

Then I dreamed about my niece. The youngest member of my immediate family. She was a baby again. I was on the sofa at my mum's old house, just me and her and she was the most precious thing on the world, this tiny, vulnerable life and I held her so tightly wanting to keep the world spoiling from her. I woke crying. I'm crying now. I have to go.

What is going on?

phylos is...

2008-05-29T20:36:00.002Z

Hate, love and war
Force emotions to the fore
But not for me, of course
Of course
I keep mine hidden
Oh ...

I keep mine hidden
But it's so easy for you
Because you let yours flail
Into public view
Oh, oh ...

Yellow and green
A stumbling block
I'm a twenty-digit combination to unlock
With a past where to be 'touched'
Meant to be 'mental'

Ooh, I keep mine hidden
The lies are so easy for you
Because you let yours slide
Into public view
Oh

© Morrissey *heart*

Hubris

2008-03-12T18:59:00.000Z

Elliot Spitzer should have read about Croesus.

Have a look at this...

Honesty Road. Integrity Lane. Oooops.

Spitzer resigns post

Eliot Spitzer was today cast into the wilderness after he resigned from one of the top jobs in American politics, the governorship of the state of New York, in the wake of a prostitution scandal that destroyed his reputation as the scourge of organised crime and immorality.

Live by the (pork) sword, die by the (pork) sword.

Wrongedness

2008-03-10T20:58:00.002Z

I've got the f'king rage this evening. And I'm not even coming down off anything. I'm not.

I woke up this morning when my radio switched itself on and the first thing I heard was "due to the gales there are no Isle of Wight ferries running this morning." Hmm, I thought. Work don't know were I've been this weekend, they don't know I was in Reading & Thatcham. I could phone in and say I'd been to see my mum and was stuck. But, but, I did the decent thing.

I was up the shop earlier and I saw something which encapsulates all I believe is wrong with the world. Some ex Big Brotyher no-mark, Chantelle is on the cover of a tabloid magazine looking pleased as punch and stating how she got new bOObs to 'get a new man'. Clearly she's a deep woman, she doesn't want to rely on those ethereal things like her charm, personality and wit to get a chap, just a great big pair of JUGS. Now, I have nothing against jugs, in fact I'm a huge fan, but surely a relationship should be build upon a more solid foundation? And there's the rub (fnarr fnarr). Style is winning out over substance. We see it in our politicians, our 'celebs', work even where the people whose faces fit get noticed, not those can actually do a good job. It sucks. Sucks arse. The tits are winning. Viva les ( o Y o ).

But the day has been saved. Giz has booked this years holiday. On 19 June (my birthday) the Reykjavik crew hit Helsinki. Finland, you have no idea what's coming. Bring it on.

Back to the wine.

As you were.

Feisty

2008-03-05T19:19:00.003Z

I'm in a really fucking strange mood tonight. The weirdest. Can't put my finger on it. Does anyone fancy a pint?

What are you all doing a week on Saturday? This. This is what you're doing.

Join the global protests - demonstrate 15 March

Jeeeeebus. This is my first post of 2008? I should say some really deep shit and amaze y'all but I just wanna swear and shout.

Go watch Mythbusters. There's nothing to see here.

Is Officer Bar-Brady your fave South Park character? Mine's Cartman. Obviously. If I'd got Billie six months after I did she'd be called Eric. Which wouldn't work so well as Billie, what with her being a girl. An shit.

I'm amazed that Cartman is yet to stand as a contender for the US presidential elections. He's more credible than McCain, cooler than Obama and got a smaller ass than Hillary. And the fucking ADL would fucking shit themselves.

Quitting smoking sucks balls.

As you were.

Quitting ciggys means quitting weed (for a bit anyway) and that is what reeeely sucks. I write more though so...

blush

2007-10-07T02:41:00.000Z

It's not really right is it? We limped passed the USA, before, well let's forget the next game. Then we found a bit of form and finally started to roar.

Now we're in the semis.

Only 2 things an Englishman likes more than beating the Aussies. That's beating the French and beating the Scottish. England v Scotland final anyone?

Bricks & mortar

2007-10-05T12:23:00.000Z

No surprises here

Renting now cheaper than buying

The cost of renting a house in England and Wales is cheaper than the cost of buying it with a mortgage, say market analysts Hometrack. Private rents in 2006 were two-thirds the cost of a 100% mortgage on a two- or three-bedroom house, for a young household on average incomes.

For many years, renting a home was thought to be just as expensive as buying one. But that position has been changed by the rapid rise in house prices.

Home ownership is the biggest and most expensive myth of capitalism. Biggest, because, well everyone knows the lines don't they. You have to "get your foot on the property ladder" because "renting is dead money". Expensive because it's a debt you'll spend the rest of your working life repaying as you get sucked into the pathetic, thoughtless cycle of moving up in order to show the world how well you're doing. Baaaa.

I had my ranting head on at work a few months ago and over lunch I, hopefully convinced one of my younger colleagues of the error of this train of thought. She'd obviously been listening to her parents (she'll need to grow out of that sharpish) who'd rolled out all the clichés and she was beating herself up for being 28 and still without either foot on the ladder.

"So" I started, "rent is dead money is it. How much did your lunch cost?"

"About £3"

"Dead money"

"What?!?!"

As a Marxist, one gets used to the look which invariably accompanies that 'What?!?!' It's a mix of incredulity and pity - how can I be so stupid as to question the wisdom on which society thrives, how sad it is that I just don't get it. Poor little red.

"It's dead money. Six hours from now you'll be sat on the pot dropping your lunch out into the bowl. What a waste of money."

"But it's nourished me, kept me alive."

"And in return for my rent money I get place that nourishes me. It's warm, has hot water, room for my books, space for my cats to run about. If the heating busts I ring the landlord and it gets fixed. If I decide to move on (most unlikely for some time) I give notice and find another place. There's no stamp duty, no legal fees, no chains. It's easy! All for £350 a month. Why would I want to pay £900+ a month on a mortgage and not have enough money for anything else like the fine wines which the world has to offer?"

"Hmmm, I suppose."

That hmmm is another thing you get used to as a Marxist. It means 'what you say makes great sense and is more than likely true, but it just doesn't compute with the lifetime of lies I have absorbed. Better to ignore the truth than to rock the boat.'

And there's the rub. Home ownership is more about social control than anything else. If you're tied to a house you can barely afford, you're tied to you job, which you probably hate. So you knuckle down and climb the corporate ladder not because you want to but because you have to. You have to pay your mortgage. And with each pay-rise you pay more in taxes. As you aspire to bigger house, following the rest of the flock (you don't want to be the only person at your grade living in a 3 bedroomed house do you? Only 3?), you pay more taxes, contributing more of your money to the liars, warmongers and crooks who run the country. They depend on you toeing the line. Their morally bankrupt society relies on you getting a pay rise each year, contributing more taxation, staying put, not asking questions. Doing anything else would rock the boat, mark you out as a subversive. A subversive for thinking for yourself. What is to be done?

Future first

2007-10-04T17:16:00.000Z

You know what, there's a good part of me that welcomes the return of Tomorrow's World onto the BBC, albeit in a minor way. It has fond memories for me as a bright eyed, wet-behind-the-ears schoolboy wondering what his future would behold. Thursdays were always kinda special anyway. Last evening before Friday, shepherd's pie for tea, Top of the Pops, Tomo's World, Kenny Everett and bed. Wasn't it simple then? But the more I think about it, the more I feel I should be withholding my license fee in protest at the false dreams sold me by Raymond Baxter, Judith Hann, Michael Rodd et al.

The problem with technology shows is that they always glamorise what they believe will happen. So we were told that computers would take away the vast majority of the tedious, mundane crap which makes up the majority of our working days, freeing us to be creative, playful, to enjoy the beauty around us. We were told that we would only need to go to work for 90 minutes or so each week to make sure the computers were doing everything well. We were told that we would go to work in hover cars. These would be miniature flying saucers powered by water and fitted with all sorts of devices that would end accidents and congestion. Oh the joy. In 1974 the biggest problem envisaged for the future was 'what on earth would we do with all our leisure time?'

But it hasn't happened has it? The opposite has. We're now tied to our sodding computers like slaves tied to the oars of a Greek Trireme. One company's computer will not speak to another's, so data has to be emailed, printed out onto paper and manually re-entered. Then checked. Then corrected. It's bollocks. A computer could do it. Oh, hang on...

So Tomorrow's World you can go to hell. With Tops of the Pops. And Fearne Cotton hopefully.

Iceland

2007-07-26T17:29:00.000Z

Hello all. Are we well?

I'll be brief as am busy, busy, but I went to Iceland a few weeks ago. It's great, I do not have enough suitable adjectives to describe how wonderful Reykjavik is.

Some pictures here.

Idiot

2007-06-19T13:51:00.000Z

Words quite simply fucking fail me...

ID cards 'to be UK institution'

The identity card scheme will become a "great British institution" on a par with the railways in the 19th Century, Home Office minister Liam Byrne says.

He said it was "time to get on with it" and predicted that the National Identity Scheme "will soon become part of the fabric of British life".

Well here's what I predict. Should ID Cards ever be introduced and I really doubt they will, rather than them becoming part of the fabric of our national life, the massive, co-ordinated campaign of civil disobedience will instead enter our folk-lore, like the Luddites, the Diggers and the Tolpuddle Martyrs. Prisons will fill with campaigners, doors will be slammed in the faces of officials, politician after politician will be scorned and humiliated. The scheme will be scrapped. Billions will have been spent. Nothing will be achieved. No one will be held accountable. This is, I think is far more likely than Liam Byrne's myopic vision of future conformity. Brace yourselves.

A bad day for fascism

2007-05-23T18:37:00.000Z

Swings & roundabouts innit?

Judges fail to back new ministry

Senior judges have refused to back government plans to set up the new Ministry of Justice, it has emerged.
The Lord Chief Justice, Lord Phillips, told MPs it had proved impossible to reach a deal with ministers.

I think a less Orwellian title would have helped eh? I'm not sure what they mean by 'plans to set up a Ministry of Justice' though. They already have a fucking website, even if it is packed only with plastic, identikit Labour ministers, rather than anyone who knows a shit or indeed gives a shit about 'justice'.

This one makes me so happy...

Chagos families win legal battle

Families expelled from the Chagos Islands by the British have won their legal battle for the right to return home at the Court of Appeal.
Some 2,000 residents were forced out when the British colony in the Indian Ocean was leased to the US in the 1960s to build an airbase at Diego Garcia.
The government took the case to the Court of Appeal after two earlier rulings declared the actions unlawful. It has a month to decide whether to appeal to the House of Lords.

The idea of royal prerogative dates back centuries and would allow, in times of crisis, the monarch to act without parliament, in say declaring war on France. Or Spain. Or Germany. Proud Europeans that we are. Now we have a constitutional monarchy, Mr Bliar wanted to use prerogative in a monarchical way to avoid parliamentary scrutiny of this American driven policy to deny people the right to return to their homes. Our (currently) independent judiciary said "No Mr B, you are wrong, you are sooooo wrong'. Anyone getting an idea as to why TB wants a Ministry for Justice, run by the government as opposed to independent, free minds? Answers on a postcard.

And while we're talking about 'merica, seen this? Made me hoot with laughter.

Bush asks UN for help in Iraq

The Bush administration suffered a humiliating diplomatic climbdown over Iraq yesterday as it presented a draft resolution to the UN, asking for military and financial help to rescue it from the ballooning human, financial and political costs of the occupation.

The balls! The very UN that the US ignored in 2003, the same UN who have said that the war in Iraq is illegal is now being asked to help finance the very same illegal, immoral war. If I was in charge of the UN my answer would involve much dropping of trouserage. And a big fat fucking NO.

Back to the Peoples' Republic of Bliar...

Rules on sham marriage 'unlawful'
Controversial immigration rules aimed at stopping sham marriages are unlawful, says the Court of Appeal.
Judges said the law breached the fundamental rights of immigrants subjected to the vetting.

Again, see the value of an independent judiciary in standing up for the rights of those who need help the most? We're a big country and we should welcome the fact that people want to come here and contribute to our society, both economically and socially. The myth that they all come here to sponge off our welfare state is just that. A myth. It's driven by the likes of the Daily Fucking Mail and the Daily Cunting Express (to give them their full titles), run by those narrow minded, little Englander bastards I hate. The sort of ignorant twats who retire to Spain or Portugal and utterly fail to see either the irony or the hypocrisy in spending the rest of their empty lifes complaining that "You just can't get a decent pint" while thoroughly pissing off 'the natives' because "none of them speak English". Stains. Die.

Birthday Billie

2007-05-23T17:32:00.001Z

Like the queen, my fat cat Billie has two birthdays. I'm not really sure when her 'proper' birthday is, but nine years ago today, on a Saturday morning, Claire went off in our old Nissan while I cleaned up, hoovered and smoked my first phat one of the day. She returned an hour later with a very nervous, remarkably slim (considering her current girth), but very lovely Billie Bobbins. And there has only, really been one female in my life since.

Billie was 9 months old and although she hadn't been cruelly treated, she had spent a large part of those 9 months alone and she was a bit of a nervous wreck. She was ballsy though, god was she ballsy, she had occupied Iggy's bed inside an hour and eaten most of the food we'd put down for the pair of them inside two. It was about a month before she would sit on my lap and probably six months before she'd comfortably sleep there or pad, but she became my little buddy, my shadow.

Happy birthday baby.

Bias

2007-05-21T21:13:00.000Z

Have a look at this headline...

Israeli dies in Gaza rocket raid

Paragraph one backs up the horror

An Israeli woman has died of her wounds shortly after a rocket fired from the Gaza Strip hit her car in the border town of Sderot, medics say.

But hang on, what about paragraph 3?

Israeli air strikes have killed more than 30 people in the past week, several of them civilians.

Is this the new world order? 30 Palestinians = 1 Zionist? Draw your own conclusions.

Love you BBC.

xx

Good day for fascism Mr Bliar

2007-05-21T17:21:00.000Z

It is though, isn't it.

Pilotless police drone takes off

The UK's first police remote control helicopter has taken off.
Merseyside police are using the "spy drone", fitted with CCTV cameras, mainly for tackling anti-social behaviour and public disorder.
Discrimination fear over ID cards
The decision to bring in ID cards for foreigners before bringing them in for Britons may lead to "de-facto racial profiling", MPs and peers have warned.
The Joint Committee on Human Rights says black and other ethnic minorities may "disproportionately" be asked to prove their UK immigration status.
Staff asked to 'snoop' for police

Council staff, charity workers and doctors could be required by law to tip off police about anyone they believe could commit a violent crime.
The Home Office proposals, leaked to the Times newspaper, insist public bodies have "valuable information" that could identify potential offenders.
Possible warning signs could include heavy drinking, mental health problems or a violent family background.
Hain rejects Hodge's housing call
Northern Ireland Secretary Peter Hain has said housing policy must not be made "on the hoof" after a minister said UK citizens should have priority.
Industry minister Margaret Hodge said allocation should involve residence and national insurance payment details.
But Mr Hain said housing should be "based on need, like the NHS".

Imagine my surprise when Peter Hain turns out to be a moderate voice that I can agree with. Fucking stooge.

So, which of these stories makes one the angriest? Comments please. Personally, being a state certified, pill downing, served my time on a psychiatric ward nutter, it is the snooping story that chills me. I'm really only a danger to myself, I am, but the mere fact that there is the slightest possibility that my liking for a drink combined with my medical history could mark me out as some sort of 'threat to society' makes my blood run cold. This government, this despotic, Arab killing, human rights violating government has had it in for the mentally ill since the day after it was elected but it was only carrying on the policies of the Thatcherite regime that preceded it. Funding for psychiatric care has been decimated over the last 20 years to the point where is very little in-care for those most in need of it. Society is failing those whose lives are made almost intolerable by their condition. A person with heart disease is given treatment and sympathy. A person with diabetes is given treatment and sympathy. When I inevitably develop cirrhosis and/or lung cancer I'd like some treatment and a tiny bit of sympathy if, for nothing else then for the fact that my habit keeps income tax down below 25%. So why, if I have another breakdown should I be treated with hostility and suspicion? Fuck you.

Neglected your kids? Have some free money

2007-05-16T17:04:00.000Z

My attitude towards the Madeline McCann story has evolved from mere irritation to absolute outrage.

Let's get some facts straight. Madeline was left alone, with her younger siblings, by her caring parents while they popped out for some tapas. The resort complex, being geared for families, offered a free babysitting service, which Mr & Mrs McCann were to sloppy or ignorant to call. While they are the victims of a terrible crime, their actions enabled the crime to take place. Yet they continue to be portrayed as only the victims.

Now this...

Madeleine fighting fund launched

A fighting fund has been launched to help cover escalating costs in the search for missing Madeleine McCann. The fund was launched at the Walkers Stadium in Leicester by Madeleine's uncle John McCann.

Can you believe their balls? They want our money so that they can stay and watch their mess be sorted out. While they have my sympathy, they will get none of my money. Or yours I hope. Every penny given says that it is OK to neglect your kids. Every person who gives is sheepishly following the herd and condoning the frankly deplorable actions of Mr & Mrs McCann. Think for yourselves, please.

If you want to do something constructive for a missing person, sign the petition demanding the release of BBC journalist Alan Johnston, now missing in Gaza for over two months.

W

2007-05-10T19:20:00.000Z

Words
I was gunna write loads tonight. About the departure of TB (8 days after my 40th, which would have been a great present - cheers Tony you cnut), and a sort of eulogy because all that has really happened in the last 10 years is British socialism dying a (temporary) death. That isn't entirely fair, child poverty rates have been decimated, NHS funding has increased almost three fod, though it seems not entirely to the right places.

And about this kid missing in Portugal, which to my astonishment has become a national tragedy. When I first saw the story last week I thought to myself 'Ooops, those two (the parents) will never be able to show their faces in the UK again'. But then miraculously, rather than being crucified in the media and I'm sure entirely unconnectedly, this photogenic, articulate, middle class, WHITE couple whose baby was abducted while they had fucked off for a few beers suddenly become figures we should pity and feel empathy for. While I wish only for the best outcome, they are twats. And need to be called twats by the fucking Sun and its bastard cohorts.

But then I had a few beers and a spliff (oh, the remarkable, pure, no THC phylos lasted for about 3 weeks) and it's raining and the countryside looks so green and new that I thought, meh. Life's too short to moan all the time.

Easy now.

Be afraid

2007-04-30T20:28:00.000Z

Sorry to shout but

READ THIS

(especially if you live in Reading.)

A company called Mapeley have applied for and been granted full planning permission to use the Kings Reach building on Kings Road as an "interview and administration" centre.

So who are Mapeley? Mapely are a PFI company that manage the buildings used by, amongst others the Identity and Passport Service. Why do they need an interview and administration centre? Compulsory ID card anyone?

I've been talking about ID Cards for months, but the talking stops now and I'm getting involved in the local group. Follow me and DO SOMETHING!!

Incidentally, Mapeley also manage the buildings formerly owned by the Inland Revenue, despite the fact that they are based in Bermuda. The irony of having the Inland Revenue's buildings owned by a company based in an offshore tax haven is clearly lost on Gordon Brown. Or maybe he's just a hypocrite?

Why do they hate us mummy?

2007-04-30T17:39:00.000Z

Have a read of these two stories...

1.

Five get life over UK bomb plot

Five men have been jailed for life for a UK bomb plot linked to al-Qaeda that could have killed hundreds of people.

UK soldier jailed over Iraq abuse

A UK soldier who became Britain's first convicted war criminal has been jailed for a year and dismissed from the army.

Cpl Donald Payne, 36, had pleaded guilty to inhumanely treating civilian detainees in Basra in 2003.

Isn't story 1 a bit euphemistic? What does 'linked to al-Qaeda' mean? The plot 'might have' killed hundreds of people. Might have killed no-one. Who can tell? The trial has not been subject to the usual media scrutiny and the lawyer defending the five has made allegations that some of the evidence used in the trial was obtained under torture in other countries, something our government now seem to think is acceptable. Anyone want to get medieval on Tony Bliar's ass with a blow torch and some pliers? I know I do.

Story 2 seems much more black and white. A group of Iraqis were detained by six soldiers, beaten senseless over a prolonged period of time leading to the death of one of them, Baha Mousa. He had 93 separate injuries on his body. Military law seems to say that if you plead not guilty you are found not guilty. Is there another explanation for the other 5 soldiers being let off without a stain on their characters? I admire Cpl Payne for at least having the balls to plead guilty to 'inhumanely treating detainees', but this will do nothing for our reputation in Iraq. Expect attacks on British troops to increase. A week after the debate about whether or not Ponce Harry's presence in Iraq will cause more violence here we have something that almost certainly 'will' cause more violence.

Oh what a lovely war.

Ponce

2007-04-26T20:45:00.000Z

The more I read about this story the crosser I'm getting. This morning the jist of the story was that Prince Harry might not go to Iraq because of the extra risk he'd pose for his colleagues. What? Because if he didn't go, his battalion would be welcomed with flowers and cake like our troops are at the moment? Then we were told that his capture would give the Iraqi resistance a valuable propaganda tool. Because the US didn't milk the capture of Saddam at all did it. No sireebob, just a one line press release sufficed on that particular joyous leap forward in operation Iraqi Freedom. There were no videos of his capture; nothing of him being humiliated by US doctors in contravention of the Geneva Convention. We, the 'allies', set a good example back then didn't we? I was proud for sure.

Then it was 'but think if he was to be killed'. Yes. Thought about it. Thought of the hundreds of UK servicemen and women who have already died in this illegal, immoral war whose relations don't live in a fucking palace. Still don't get why this particular ginger twat who, let's face it is only vaguely related to the royal family shouldn't go to to Iraq and do his job.

Can anyone enlighten me?

At least, for once the British public haven't let me down. On the BBC poll 68% think he should go. You're all my best mates.

Only story that has made me angrier recently is this one

Blair defiant over Iraq security

Tony Blair has refused to apologise for the security situation in Iraq, saying he bears no responsibility for it.

Words really do fail me.

Quitter

2007-04-03T18:44:00.000Z

Cross-post from The Other Phylotopian.

Now is the time....

I've been a weed smoker for the best part of 20 years and I suppose, in true denial form - it's never done me no harm. No siree Bob. But, but.. Just 'but' really.

Since the trial in town a few weeks ago of that stupid twat from Wokingham who stabbed his mates, (while 'high' on skunk - ffs) it's been getting harder to buy, which is entirely appropriate considering the mixed metaphors we get from this tired, corrupt fucking government of ours. They decriminalise weed then try to make criminals out of the people who want to buy it. What's that all about? I have no doubt that the weed I buy now is way stronger than the stuff I used to puff my way through as a younger man, but control is the answer, not criminalisation. When the fucking fuck are we going to get a mature, adult drugs policy? When is a serious politico going to stick his pimply yellow head above the parapet and say "Shit, I've done drugs, had a laugh, watched the moon rise and shine, ate some Snickers, fell asleep on the sofa and went to work." Wouldn't you respect that guy more than the myriad of faceless careerist politicians who say "Oh no, never. Drugs are evil" before sloping off to one of Parliament's 17 bars for 20 Bensons and a skinful of pink gin? Anne Widdicombe and her type sit on their farty fucking leather benches and tell me what the fuck I can and can't do. Have you ever seen anyone more in need of a trip than Anne Widdicombe??

Shit - I went off on one there - this is supposed to be about me quitting - its just I hate being told what to do. Always have. Probably why I came out of the RAF at 22! Anyway, if it was legal I could go to a supplier and say "Hey dude, just want 10g of something mellow" Like you do in Amsterdam. I like my skunk, don't get me wrong, but I just want a bit of old fashioned green, to mellow down, have a giggle with my gang. And all you can get is skunk now. Something about margins no doubt. Capitalism and drugs. Welcome to the 21st century.

So fuck it. I'm gonna quit. Skunk does me no favours. It makes me sit in my armchair and watch TV without remembering anything. Shit, I could watch the same episode of CSI 6 times in a row and still be utterly surprised by the conclusion. That ain't so good is it? It makes me moody, uncommunicative, sullen, I don't go out, I get paranoid; but shit man, I love being stoned.

It starts here. My sacrifice to the greater cause is that I am weed free until the day I can walk into an offy and say proudly to the lovely lady behind the counter "A quarter of that fine opium dipped, white widow thank you very much. And 20 Mars bars."

Oh - one more thing. If you haven't bought, burned or stolen the Kings of Leon's new CD by Friday I'm going to come to your house and piss through your letterbox. Don't test me dudes.

So it goes

2007-03-13T19:45:00.000Z

As you’ll have realised, I’m struggling to find either the time or the inclination to write much at the moment. I don’t know why, but I’m suffering from a most overwhelming bout of ennui that shows no sign of shifting. It’s not that I have much to worry about, my job again seems secure, I live in a nice place (though I have to move sooner than I was planning), my friends remain a constant source of joy and love, I’m happy being single and certainly don’t have the aptitude to whore my tired body round the tedious cycle of dating and all the ‘getting to know you’ shit that goes with it. But, I sort of feel is this it? As Jack Handey said “I hope the world isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.” It makes no sense. There’s no reason to it. If I was a blues singer I’d say I’ve lost my mojo.

Another place

I read somewhere, the BBC website I think, that writing a diary is a good way of staying sane and of keeping things in perspective so I’m going to try that for a while. It’s something I did as a younger man. I started when I was about 15 and continued through those angsty teenage years up to my early 20s. I read them back sometimes and they cover some really crucial periods of my life. My O level selections and me waking up to the fact that I couldn’t just drift through life on my ready wit and (then) sharp intellect. I wrote throughout the diagnosis of my father’s cancer and his death 4 years later; I wrote as I joined and left the RAF; of my first love, my first heartbreak, alcoholism, discovering drugs and the two sides of that blurry coin. I’ll write them up into something one day. They’ll be nothing special of course, just one person’s journey through the life we all live. We all have a story to tell about the road which leads to the here and the now.

I’m not going to start it on the Phylotopian just yet though until I feel it has got some substance and some body – when it feels, as it used to, like something I need to do, want to do, not something I ought to do. Years ago I set up a MySpace site, mainly to register Phylos and Phylotopian before anyone else did. It’s been dormant for sometime, but I’ve logged back in and intend to keep it updated. You can find it here. Become a friend if you wish.

The Phylotopian is not going to die though I assure you. It always makes me happy when I look at my stats to see regulars still visiting now and again despite the infrequency of posting. I thank you. There will still be things that piss me off, things that will compel me to write more furious diatribe about the state of the world and the utter incompetence and corruption of those we have charged with ‘leading’ it. I hope to be writing very soon about Bliar’s departure from office and if I’m really lucky I’ll be writing even sooner about his arrest and trial. Thatcher has to die soon surely. That’ll be worth a few posts once the hangover subsides.

Keep the faith.

We are Tottenham

2007-03-09T10:57:00.000Z

Five games. Seventeen goals.

And we still all dream of a team of Robbie Keanes.

Cowardice

2007-03-06T12:45:00.000Z

What manner of evil is this??

BBC Ban Blair!

The BBC have banned the hit single War, which features a Tony Blair lookalike in the accompanying video, over fears that its pro-peace message will offend the government.

The BBC Radio One Newsbeat programme was due to record a package about the single today, but pulled out at the last minute, claiming that the record was 'not newsworthy'. However, sources at the highest level within the BBC have privately confirmed that a banning order has been instituted.

This just reeks of pusillanimous, post Hutton timidity. Is this the same BBC that broadcast Cathy Come Home? The same BBC that delighted in winding up Thatch and her evil cohorts, leading to several of them walking out of interviews at various times. This is beneath them and shows that they are no longer an independently minded, progressive organisation but a bitch to the controlling, centralist state power.

I have no interest in the song really but you can be damn sure I’ll download it now so that we can get it to the top of the ‘hit parade’ as I believe it is known amongst the kids.

Blair knows he has to go soon and simply wants to go out on a high. He’s desperate that nothing cloud his few remaining weeks in power and that includes stifling anything that draws attention to the massive blot on his record – the war in Iraq. Isn't going to happen though is it? Anyway, fuck him.

Have a giggle on me.

V D

2007-02-14T21:25:00.001Z

Saint who????

Farewell

2007-02-09T12:14:00.000Z

So, it's goodbye to everybody's favourite blonde bombsite, Anna Nicole Smith who died yesterday.

Too young to die, too fucked to live.

Incidentally, if the good do die young, why is she dead at 39 (the same age as me) while the last pope lived to about a hundred?

Seek and ye shall find

2007-02-08T12:10:00.000Z

When I log into StatCounter to have a look at who has been to visit and what you have all been looking at, I have a wealth of information at my fingertips. If people stumble across the site from a search engine, for example I get to see the entry link and can tell from that what the person was searching for. It's not always a good thing to know. Example, at 19.34 on 1 April, I had a visitor arrive after Googling "japanese arse gapeing". I kid you not. Eeeew.

Snow!!!

2007-02-08T08:10:00.000Z

Don't panic....

Two snowmen are stood in a field. One says to the other "Hey, can you smell carrots?"

Sorry.

No alarms and no surprises

2007-02-07T17:48:00.000Z

Is anyone surprised that two of the nine 'terror suspects' arrested with great fanfare and publicity last week have been released without charge. Their solicitor, the admirable Gareth Peirce claims that they were not even questioned about the alleged kidnap and beheading plot. This case now seems to have depressing similarities to the Forest Gate arrests last year (although without the 'accidental' shooting.) You'll remember that there was also a massive police raid, arrests and claims of serious terror offences in the planning, but no charges were ever bought and all those arrested were quietly released without charge.

I of course accept that there is a very real threat of another terrorist attack in the UK and also realise that it is better that potential attacks are stopped before they can be carried out. But lumbering great police raids based on flimsy rumour and hearsay only serve to alienate the very communities that we should be engaging with. We could also stop being America’s bitch and get our arses out of Iraq.

The inquest into the death of Lance Corporal Matty Hull shows just how unwilling Blair and his evil cohorts are to stand up to the USA. Cpl Hull was killed in 2003 when his convoy was attacked by US A-10s who mistook them for Iraqi insurgents. The inquiry into his death learned of the existence of video from the A-10 cockpits which, the coroner hoped would shed light on the events leading to the attack. The Pentagon initially denied that such a tape existed – so much for the special relationship - and then refused to release the tapes. The UK government told us that it was doing all it could – which is of course absolutely nothing and the Pentagon continued refusing to release the tape. Yesterday a UK tabloid obtained a copy and suddenly it was declassified and will be shown to the coroner’s inquest. Having seen the tape I have no understanding of why the US refused to release it. The pilots seemed to do all they could to confirm with fighter control that there were no ‘friendlies’ in the area and were told that was the case. The pilots were of course deeply distressed when they realised what had occurred. It is unusual in this bloody, disgusting war that we get such glimpses of raw humanity from ‘our’ side, rare for such moments of genuine compassion and distress to be shown. If the US had been open and honest from the off, maybe it would have helped allay the growing wave of anti-Americanism that is sweeping this country. Some of it justified, most of it just ignorant. My heart goes out to Susan Hull , one person who has acted with dignity and honour throughout.

Jack ‘man of’ Straw has unveiled his half arsed plans to reform the House of Lords, London’s most exclusive dining club. It is of course welcome that 50% of members will in future be elected, but why will Church of England's bishops & archbishops still be allowed to sit? I read once that more people go to a football match on a Saturday than go to church on Sunday but do we want the FA having a say in how the country is run? Of course we don’t because they're a shower of bastards. Just like the church of England. We live in an increasingly secular society with more and more people waking up to the fact that religion does more harm than good. Keep them out of state affairs. Please.

And finally, as I prepare for the England match later tonight, a massive thank you to Fuller’s brewery for the utterly splendid, indescribably wonderful London Porter. ‘Tis a drink fit for a king. And a gobshite.

Easy now.

Something for the weekend

2007-02-02T23:09:00.000Z

Big Train. Tip top.

Be good.

You Spurs

2007-02-01T08:31:00.000Z

Ouchy.

Arsenal 3-1 Tottenham (agg 5-3)

Jeremie Aliadiere smashed home in extra time to finally break Spurs' resistance and help fire Arsenal to a Carling Cup final place against rivals Chelsea. The Gooners dominated a lively tie and took the lead when Emmanuel Adebayor slipped in Tomas Rosicky's pass neatly.

Spurs sent the game into extra time against the odds when Mido headed in.

But Arsenal sealed a 5-3 aggregate win when Aliadiere got onto Ricardo Rocha's slip and Pascal Chimbonda's unfortunate own goal ruined Spurs' comeback hopes.

Still, FA and UEFA glory await.

Hull 0

2007-01-31T19:48:00.000Z

This hasn't cheered me up much either.

Pop group Beautiful South split

Pop group The Beautiful South - known for such melodious hits as Song For Whoever, A Little Time, Perfect 10 and Rotterdam - have split.

In a two-line statement, the Hull-based band, formed by former members of the Housemartins, attributed their break-up to "musical similarities".

"The band would like to thank everyone for their 19 wonderful years in music," the statement said.

Everybody likes The Beautiful South don't they. Saw them live a few times. I even saw Paul Heaton in Leeds once sober. Nevermind.

I've just had a go on my new beard trimmer, or personal grooming kit as the box rather grandiosely declares. It has six, yes six, attachments for grooming bits I didn't realise were supposed to be groomed. For an extra 3 quid I could have got one with 10 attachments but no good would have come from it. I'd only have ended up shaving strange and intricate patterns into the cats. They would run away and then who would be sorry? Bother is, now my beard is all trimmed, I'm a little bit worried that I have started to resemble Tsar Nicholas II, which isn't a good look for a Marxist.

I nearly bought a guitar today as well. I've been promising myself one for ages and at lunchtime I saw an acoustic in the window of one of them pikey shops up Smelly Alley in Reading. Only fifteen quid which I thought was a bargain. If you're wondering, by the way, why I keep saying quid instead of using the pound sign, it's because I can't find it on this European keyboard. French plot no doubt. Anyway, not wanting to drag a guitar back to work, I left early and headed back up to S A with my cash, but it had been sold. What are the chances? So I bought some weed instead. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Easy now.

The noose tightens?

2007-01-30T20:09:00.000Z

A week after the arrest of Ruth Turner aka Blair's gate keeper, the rozzers investigating the 'cash for honours affair' have rearrested Lord Levy, Labour's chief fundraiser. He was questioned, not over the affair itself but on suspicion of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice. This could confirm the rumours that it is Blair himself who is at the centre of the mire, with his obedient acolytes doing all they can to muddy the path to his door. Concerned, as he clearly is, over where his place in history will be, he must be worried that he will be remembered chiefly for the shambles that is Iraq and for being the first serving prime minister to be questioned by police conducting a criminal investigation. All this from the man who came to power promising to cut the sleaze out of British politics.

The reputation of politicians in general could not get much lower but they do not seem to care. What annoys me most about this story now is my belief that tonight, the political machine at Number 10 is not looking at how to restore confidence in the Home Office or at new, imaginative approaches to Iraq and the wider Middle East. It is not concerned with global warming, the NHS or Northern Ireland. Instead it is grubbing around trying to find out who knows what, it is hypothesising on what the law may or may not know and how best to deflect any coming prosecutions. It is simply trying to save its own skin. We deserve better.

Tuesday

2007-01-30T13:39:00.000Z

But it could be Monday...

The Sony Cybershot whot I purchased not 4 months ago has already bust. Wandered back up to the shop at lunchtime hoping for a swift replacement but was told that Sony’s warranty only covers repairs not replacements. So I have to send the ‘king thing off and be inconvenienced while they fix it. Arse.

I then strolled up to WHSmith to get a Jiffy bag in order to send said camera to Sony. At the till I was asked if I wanted to pre-order the next Harry Potter book. Rather than launch off into a full scale tirade about why the fuck would I want to buy such an item given that its predecessors are all poorly written, derivative, inane, shallow and repetitive pieces of crap and while we’re on the subject how in the name of all that is unholy did Rowling become richer than Croesus by writing such utter, utter crap, I politely said no thank you. Arse.

Then I had a look on Perez Hilton’s wonderful site to cheer myself up and was horrified to see that Girls Aloud and the Sugababes have united to cover one of the finest songs ever performed, the genius that is Aerosmith & Run DMC’s Walk This Way. One question. WHY?? (cute) arses.

Then I looked at the cricket score. Arse and double arse.

Update.

Ha!!! Cross me and see what happens. Are you listening Sony?..

Japanese electronics giant Sony has unveiled 5.3% a drop in profits

Dismal

2007-01-26T12:52:00.000Z

England's calamitous tour of Australia plunged to a fresh low, as they were beaten by nine wickets in Adelaide having been skittled for a feeble 110.

Australia rested regular new-ball bowlers Glenn McGrath and Nathan Bracken but were still far too good. Left-arm pace bowler Mitchell Johnson took 4-45 - England equalling their ninth lowest score in one-dayers.

And the Aussies got home with more than 25 overs to spare in another hopeless mismatch between the two sides.

I’m torn between having a big old grumble and suggesting that the tour should be ended here and now to prevent further embarrassment, or insisting that they stay out there to prolong the abuse which the team are no doubt getting from the Australian media. Maybe then we’ll not go into the next Ashes tour quite so desperately overconfident and under prepared.

Shambles.

You Spurs

2007-01-25T13:51:00.000Z

European success the easy way...

Spurs get bye to Uefa Cup last 16

Tottenham have been given a bye into the last 16 of the Uefa Cup, subject to a possible appeal from scheduled opponents Feyenoord.
The Dutch club were kicked out following crowd trouble earlier in the season against French side Nancy.

As I understand it, there is a crack team of undercover Spurs fans on the way to Europe in order to stir up trouble at all the remaining ties. We should get a bye all the way to the final. Easy.

And it's no wonder the French never win anything in Europe if all there teams have names like Nancy. **snigger**

Happy Birthday

2007-01-25T12:44:00.000Z

to the legend that is Johnny Clarke

Polite people, crazy feet
Night people... funky but neat

Burt Bacarach... a zillion strings
cool aromatic... luxury surroundings
See no evil... cheat cheat
Night people, funky but neat

Mr. Cavendish... meets Elizabeth
What happens is none of my business
Quite legal... short and sweet
Night people, funky but neat

Stereo heapdphones... whisper and shout
Invisible saxaphones fade in and out
Like treacle... tacky but sweet...
Night people, funky but neat

Twilight restaurants... you get it on a plate
No matter what you want...
but you've got to wait

Don't get the needle... and never speak
Night people, funky but neat

I like the nightlife... give me danger
I had a nice wife... she was a stranger
One of the people, I never meet
Night people, funky but neat

Quite a party we have found...
Mazaratti’s, Afghan Hounds
The right people... the wrong street
Night people, funky but neat

© John Cooper Clarke

Fox fight

2007-01-25T11:58:00.000Z

I’ve been fiercely critical of religious hypocrites in the past. You know the sort of people who ignore the central message of all religions, that love is always better than hate and who use their religion to spread a message of intolerance. Amongst the worst of the bunch is the Jim Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church who appear mainly to be a bunch of anti-gay bigots hiding behind their religious beliefs. Followers of Westboro believe that the Iraq war is a result of the USA’s tolerance of homosexuality and that the soldiers who die in that war are being taken by god as punishment. They even turn up at the funerals of the Iraq war dead and demonstrate.

I have also been fiercely critical of Fox News, mainly because I feel that they should be more honest and call themselves the ‘Isn’t George Bush Fabulous' News Channel. One thing I will say about Fox though is that they are passionately patriotic; blindly so on occasions. But they do love America and love is sometimes blind isn’t it?

So when Shirley Phelps Roper of the Westboro sect met Julie Banderas of Fox News there were bound to be sparks. And there were. Have a look.

Ms Banderas, I salute you. Minx.

Throw away the keys?

2007-01-24T12:43:00.000Z

So, the criminal justice system is again under the spotlight. In particular, the way we deal with offenders and the prison system itself is coming in for a deal of criticism. This stems from the fact that there are about 3 prison places left in the UK, leading the Home Secretary to beg judges not to bang up any more people. The response from the tabloids has been typical and typically depressing.

There is however one flaw in the argument that we should lock more people up for the ‘good of society’. It is a massive, gaping and obvious flaw, yet one that is overlooked every time this particular debate makes the front pages. It is this, the assumption that prison works.

Prison does not work.

According to Reform, the reoffending rate for all offenders is 61%, meaning that 61% of people released from prison will be back inside within 24 months. The rate is 73% for all offenders aged 15-18 and a massive 82% for male offenders in this age group. Is this a tale of success, something we should be proud of? If for example, 24 months after leaving hospital 61% of people were back on the same ward with the same complaint, would we consider the NHS a success? If 61% of people died in a road accident within two years of taking their driving test, would we consider driving tests to be top notch? I very much doubt it.

Prisons are full of people who are, in the main, amongst the most disadvantaged in society. Prisons contain the uneducated, the dispossessed, those suffering from drug and alcohol addiction, the mentally ill who are unable to find appropriate treatment in the ‘real world’ and so are sent to prison to be kept out of harms way. Some of this may be the individual’s own fault, but don’t people deserve a second chance? Of course prisons also contain violent, dangerous and repeat offenders, people who do need to be removed from society for the good of us all, but they are a fraction of the total.

What prisons need to do, what they must do is reform. If a person enters prison unable to read or write, they must leave able to read and write. If a person enters prison addicted to hard drugs, they must leave clean. Only then do they have a chance of re-entering society on equal terms with the rest of us. They will then be able to contribute to society rather than drawing from society.

This radical departure from the perceived wisdom would of course take more political will than any party has shown in recent years. The problem is that the results would not be immediate. It would take a couple of years maybe for there to be a drop in the reoffending rate and hence a fall in overall crime and a reduction in the massive cost to society both fiscal and physical. The tabloids demand action now and our leaders respond with more of the same, giving no regard to the realities of a situation. Do we really want to be governed by the Daily M**l?

We don't want no cups

2007-01-24T11:04:00.000Z

We have a great drink vending machine here at work. It is immense, the size of a small bus, it makes cacophony of strange and interesting noises but produces the best machine coffee that I have ever had in an office based environment. Truly, it is wonderful.

A feature I particularly like is the ‘No Cup’ option. This means that I can place my new Spurs mug underneath the little nozzley thing, press the ‘No Cup’ button and receive an infusion of hot coffee directly into said mug. I can also get 2 plastic cups worth of coffee into my mug thereby halving the number of times I have to get up from my seat. I believe that’s called a win-win situation.

This morning however the machine is out of plastic cups. No problem I thought, I don’t want one of your stupid cups anyway cos I have my mug. I pressed the ‘no cup’ button followed by 22 (coffee, white, no sugar) and the machine just beeped at me. The LCD display advised “Unable to vend – no cups”. But I don’t want a cup!!! So I tried again. Same result.

What the hell is that all about? If it has cups, you can select the ‘no cup’ option, but if has no cups you can’t. It’s almost Kafkaesque in its baffling anti-logic. Fucking thing’s going to start singing “Daisy, Daisy” soon, you mark my words. And then it’s going out the window.

Anyone got a kettle I can borrow?

On losing and losers.

2006-12-28T13:02:00.000Z

It’s been a miserable winter for cricket fans. The euphoria of last summer to a lesser extent the summer just passed has melted away in the Australian sunshine. I went to bed last night thinking to myself “at least we haven’t had an innings defeat.”

My mobile beeped at 7 am with the latest score thanks to the BBC’s SMS service and I read

"Australia beat England by an innings and 99 runs”.

Bugger. One defeat away from the first Australian whitewash since the early twenties.

I didn’t ever think we were going to win in Melbourne. It’s the biggest cricket ground in the world, full of baying Aussies, it’s Shane Warne’s home field and this would be his last appearance there in the baggy green cap. Back at the start of the month though, I was hoping that the series would be 1-1 or even 1-2 going into Boxing Day. At 3-0, with the Ashes already lost there was only pride to play for. And pride it would appear, is not enough.

As an ‘outsider’ (and one who slipped through the net) I really do not understand how ones chest is not filled with pride each and every time an England shirt is pulled on. I’d give an organ to play for England at any thing.

“You want me to play in the elephant polo World Cup? Superb, should I pack a lunch?”

We know we can beat Australia – we did it 15 months ago. Where was that fire, that passion, that determination to win? I saw not a jot of it. Nothing.

Ricky Ponting has suggested that the Ashes urn should now stay in Australia. I agree. Let them keep the old one. Burn the bails from Melbourne so that a new Ashes trophy can be made. One we can begin fighting for in Sydney next week. One we can scrap for as a team. As England. We're a shaggy mongrel breed. We have no idea of what it means to be English any more. No values, no shared beliefs, no sense of our place in the game of life on this little blue green planet. So we invest our energy in following sport. And for what? A cricket team that wins every now and again. A football team that has redefined the term 'underachievement'. A rugby team – a world champion rugby team – that has forgotten how to play flowing, intelligent rugby and can only fumble around like a shy lover. Wasters the lot of them.

So this is what we should do. Select national sides by lot. Trust me. Imagine your excitement as you wake up, get the post and read…

Dear phylos

You have been selected to compete for England in the forthcoming European Championship qualifier against Israel. Please be at Wembley (don’t get me started) by 10.00am on the day before the match. Kit will be provided.

Try to shape up a bit fatty.

Hugs.

The FA

What a buzz! So we might not win much, but we don’t win much now do we or I wouldn’t be moaning would I? What you would see though is 11 men playing with everything they have. Playing like it means something. Playing with the pride so lacking amongst the current crop of overpaid, underperforming losers. And that would be good enough for me.

God-like

2006-11-27T18:25:00.000Z

Ronadlinho - we're not worthy.

Can it be?

2006-11-20T20:57:00.000Z

Have a read at this story and take a good long look at the picture alongside it...

Jack the Ripper's face 'revealed'

An e-fit showing what detectives believe serial killer Jack the Ripper looked like has been revealed. Using new profiling techniques, investigators have created a picture of what they believe the 19th Century murderer would have looked like.

Isn't it astonishing? It would appear that former England cricket captain Graham Gooch was Jack the Ripper.

Who'd have thunk it?

Stay scared

2006-11-10T14:22:00.000Z

Not troubled by the usual, run-of-the-mill terror threats? This one'll bother you.

Warning of Alien Attack

The Earth is wide open to alien attack, a former Government advisor has warned. Nick Pope said the department that formally investigated UFO sightings had closed down, meaning unexplained phenomena were not being probed. Mr Pope, who ran the Ministry of Defence UFO project from 1991 to 1994, said there had been a series of "highly credible" alien sightings and landings in the UK. "The consequences of getting this one wrong could be huge," he said. "If you reported a UFO sighting now, I am absolutely sure that you would just get back a standard letter telling you not to worry. "Frankly we are wide open - if something does not behave like a conventional aircraft now, it will be ignored. The X-Files have been closed down."

Mr Pope said those working for the MoD UFO project spend their time releasing formerly classified documents in answer to Freedom of Information requests from the media or members of the public. The UFO expert resigned from his MoD post at the Directorate of Defence Security this week. He said there was no evidence of UFO hostile intent - but it could not be ruled out. "There has got to be the potential for that and one is left with the uneasy feeling that if it turned out to be so, there is very little we could do about it," he said. "If you believe these things are extra terrestrial craft then you cannot rule out that what is happening is some kind of covert reconnaissance."

A spokesman for the Ministry of Defence insisted that all UFO sightings were investigated for "evidence to suggest that UK airspace has been compromised by hostile or unauthorised air activity". She said: "Unless there is such evidence, the MoD doesn't attempt to positively identify what was seen."

What a load of crap.

Glory, glory Tottenham Hotspur!!

2006-11-05T18:09:00.000Z

We did it!!! 16 years after our last victory over them, we've only gone and beat Chelsea.

Get down the pub.

Tottenham 2-1 Chelsea

Tottenham came back from a goal down to beat 10-man Chelsea thanks to a sublime goal from Aaron Lennon.

More heroes

2006-10-25T22:22:00.000Z

As (I hope) a few of you know, I’m something of a socialist. Although very much in the ‘natural socialist’ mould, for I could be nothing else, there have of course been influences, people who helped me through my political puberty, who have guided me through the realisation that I am not alone, that my frustrating sense that there is a better way is something that I should harness and use. Top of the list is Billy Bragg.

Most of you will know Billy through his music. Those wonderful, powerful songs not just about politics, but about unrequited love, about loss and overwhelmingly about passion. But for the last two general elections he has campaigned (partly with Charter 88) for fairer elections and has also encouraged people to vote tactically. I’ve always resisted tactical voting as I consider it, generally that it is better to be for something and to vote for that rather than be against something. But I suppose the results can often be the same. Now Billy is a writer, with a proper book, The Progressive Patriot, looking at English patriotism, where it came from, what it means and what it has now become. It is influenced of course by the London bombings of last July and the hideous reaction to it by the tabloid media and shamefully, by the government.

I can’t gush about the man enough. Buy the book. Buy some CDs. He’s got a new album out next year. Await it like a child on Christmas morning. Oh, and there's a tour in November. I'll see you down the front.

Here's a message from us both.

You Spurs

2006-10-20T07:12:00.000Z

Superb, quite superb.

Besiktas 0-2 Tottenham

Hossam Ghaly and Dimitar Berbatov were on the mark for Tottenham as they won their opening Uefa Cup Group B game.

Ghaly's first goal for Spurs involved some luck as goalkeeper Vedran Runje saved his initial shot, only for the ball to hit the Egyptian and loop in. It was a Berbatov pass that released Ghaly and the Bulgarian capped a fine display with a solo second-half goal.

Can we start playing like that in the Premiership now please?

Going nuclear

2006-10-09T07:44:00.000Z

Mr Bush and Mr Blair, as well as the Chinese, have all come out and condemned the North Koreans for their nuclear test this morning. I assume that this means they will be getting rid of all their nuclear weapons, or else they'd be hypocrites wouldn't they?

Book of the day

2006-09-26T13:46:00.000Z

Every Englishman should own a copy.

50 Reasons to Hate the French.

I wonder why they stopped at 50? Must be a sequel coming out for Xmas.

Somewhere

2006-09-25T21:20:00.001Z

Rainbows are my most favourite thing in the world.

Cute II

2006-09-23T13:08:00.000Z

Afternoon. Sorry to wuss out on you again with another fluffy post, but I've just bought a new camera so I'm taking pictures of any old crap at the moment. And what's cuter than a cat in a cupboard?

I'm also knackered. Played poker last night, but I won. Which was nice. Thanks, as ever to MZA for his hospitality and also for the 3 tons of comic books I've just carried back home. As soon as the Liverpool - Spurs match is over, I'm going to bed with Supergirl and a smoke.

Have a good weekend.

Something for the weekend

2006-09-16T13:12:00.000Z

Deck the halls with boughs of Holly...

Holly Valance.

The Pope is an idiot

2006-09-15T12:16:00.000Z

Oh yes he is.

Muslim anger grows at Pope speech

A statement from the Vatican has failed to quell criticism of Pope Benedict XVI from Muslim leaders, after he made a speech about the concept of holy war. Speaking in Germany, the Pope quoted a 14th Century Christian emperor who said Muhammad had brought the world only "evil and inhuman" things.

So, what were the Catholic church up to in the 14th century? Was it the inquisition? I think it was. Was the inquisition a celebration of joy and godly love? Or could the inquisition also be described as "evil and inhuman"? Take the plank out of your own eye matey.

I did find one bit of good news though.

Nun tried to kill priest after finding him in bed with another woman

A jealous nun appeared in court charged with threats to kill and an arson attack on a priest's house - after she caught him in bed with a married woman. Sister Silvia Gomes De Sousa, 39, saw red and set fire to Father Carmelo Mantarro's house after she nabbed him 'in flagrante.'

Nice to see a Catholic priest in bed with a woman for a change.

So. Where were we?

2006-09-13T18:46:00.000Z

Let’s restart this thing gently shall we?

Fluffy!!

Bostin’. And better than people. Every time I think I have the measure of humanity, just as I begin to stoke my chin and nod in a sagacious fashion, the table gets turned on me and it’s back to bewilderment. Befuddlement even. Oh yes.

Steve Irwin, many of you will know, died last week. Killed by a stingray in a freak accident. Some Australians seem to be taking their revenge on stingrays in a most facile, ignorant way. Thoroughly depressing.

But all is not doom. I am thrilled to see that a months after it was first published “Sudan man forced to ‘marry’ goat” is still among the top 5 emailed stories over at BBC News. Thank-you.

So. So, so, so … I needed a sabbatical. I like late summer. Warm but not hot. Hazy evenings, warm beer, the leaves slowly turning gold. Down time. Minimal human contact, just work and poker. Me time. Not that I’ve had demons to fight for a change, but just because I needed some solitude. Try it. What’s the worst that could happen? You might go mad. Do you deserve to be sane?

Blimey.

Twenty

2006-09-12T07:43:00.000Z

I Did Not Die

Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

Melinda Sue Pacho

I miss you dad.

xx

Warcrimes and media bias

2006-07-25T22:06:00.000Z

This story has been growing in the last hour...

Israel bomb 'kills UN observers'

Four United Nations peacekeepers have been killed in an Israeli air strike on an observation post in southern Lebanon, the UN has said.

A bomb struck the post occupied by the peacekeepers of the Unifil force in the Khiam area, it said.

The attack came as Israel announced it would keep control over an area in southern Lebanon until a new international force could be deployed.

The story broke on BBC News 24 when the studio gimp was interviewing Jim Muir.

"We're getting reports that the Israeli air force has bombed a UN observation post; Jim, this will be a little embarrassing for Israel won't it?"

Embarrassing? Is that a sick joke? Saddam Hussein denied the UN access to his palace and his country is bombed back to the stone age; the BBC cheering them all the way to Baghdad. Yet the slaughter of 4 unarmed UN observers by Israel is merely embarrassing. It can only be a matter of days before the BBC on-screen logo is replaced by a star of David. Maybe only hours.

You can complain to BBC News here. Please do so. I have and will post the reply as soon as I receive one. If, of course I receive one.

United in peace

2006-07-23T18:19:00.000Z

Although you would barely know it from today’s media, over 20,000 people marched through London yesterday to show support for the Lebanese people and demand an end to Israeli aggression in the Middle East. It is shameful that the British media chose to largely ignore this event, although it will have been well covered in the Middle East, which is of greater importance. (For pictures see Lenin’s Tomb.)

Several things struck me about yesterday’s demonstration. The first was the open support for Hezbollah. Despite being the legitimately elected government of Lebanon, the UK and the US both have Hezbollah on their list of terrorist organisations. But in spite of this there were many banners, flags and t-shirts displaying the Hezbollah flag; many speakers pledged their solidarity and support to Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah and his organisation and each received rapturous applause form the gathered thousands, including many from Britain’s Jewish Community. Hasidic Jews marching along side Hezbollah supporters. No there’s something I never thought I would see. Also of note was the raw, naked anger displayed by the march as it passed the American Embassy. The British prime minister may be Bush's bitch, but the British people can think for themselves.

Is the tide turning though? Last night the BBC were leading on Foreign Office minister Kim Howells' criticism of the Israeli bombardment of Lebanon, the first sign of a deviation between the UK and US. The BBC News website presently has as its top story UN emergency relief chief Jan Egeland’s comments that Israeli air strikes in Beirut are a violation of humanitarian law. ITV News’ top story about a mini-bus full of civilians fleeing southern Lebanon being attacked by the Israeli army killing at least 3. This despite the fact that it was the Israeli Army who told civilians to leave. Channel 5 News are also leading on the Lebanese victims of the Israeli war machine.

The protests will of course continue for as long as the Israeli aggression does. Keep an eye on the Stop the War Coalition’s website. Write to your MP, the local and national press asking why their condemnation of Israel is so muted. Make your voice heard.

Shout for peace.

The USA and Israel, joined in blood

2006-07-19T19:37:00.000Z

With Bliar, the obedient lap-dog wagging his tail in approval.

United States to Israel: you have one more week to blast Hizbullah

Bush 'gave green light' for limited attack, say Israeli and UK sources
Ewen MacAskill, Simon Tisdall and Patrick Wintour
Wednesday July 19, 2006

The US is giving Israel a window of a week to inflict maximum damage on Hizbullah before weighing in behind international calls for a ceasefire in Lebanon, according to British, European and Israeli sources.

The Bush administration, backed by Britain, has blocked efforts for an immediate halt to the fighting initiated at the UN security council, the G8 summit in St Petersburg and the European foreign ministers' meeting in Brussels.

"It's clear the Americans have given the Israelis the green light. They [the Israeli attacks] will be allowed to go on longer, perhaps for another week," a senior European official said yesterday. Diplomatic sources said there was a clear time limit, partly dictated by fears that a prolonged conflict could spin out of control.

Continues...

From CNN though, his may not be the wind of change, but the breeze is getting a little stronger.

Not so smart when it comes to the Middle East

By Lou Dobbs

NEW YORK (CNN) -- We Americans like to think we're a pretty smart people, even when evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. And nowhere is that evidence more overwhelming than in the Middle East. History in the Middle East is everything, and we Americans seem to learn nothing from it.

President Harry Truman took about 20 minutes to recognize the state of Israel when it declared independence in 1948. Since then, more than 58 years of war, terrorism and blood-letting have led to the events of the past week.

Even now, as Katyusha rockets rain down on northern Israel and Israeli fighter jets blast Hezbollah targets in southern Lebanon, we simultaneously decry radical Islamist terrorism and Israel's lack of restraint in defending itself.

And the U.S. government, which wants no part of a cease-fire until Israel is given every opportunity to rescue its kidnapped soldiers and destroy as many Hezbollah and Hezbollah armaments as possible, urges caution in the interest of preserving a nascent and fragile democratic government in Lebanon. Could we be more conflicted?

While the United States provides about $2.5 billion in military and economic aid to Israel each year, U.S. aid to Lebanon amounts to no more than $40 million. This despite the fact that the per capita GDP of Israel is among the highest in the world at $24,600, nearly four times as high as Lebanon's GDP per capita of $6,200.

Lebanon's lack of wealth is matched by the Palestinians -- three out of every four Palestinians live below the poverty line. Yet the vast majority of our giving in the region flows to Israel. This kind of geopolitical inconsistency and shortsightedness has contributed to the Arab-Israeli conflict that the Western world seems content to allow to perpetuate endlessly.

After a week of escalating violence, around two dozen Israelis and roughly 200 Lebanese have died. That has been sufficient bloodshed for United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan and British Prime Minister Tony Blair to join in the call for an international security force, ignoring the fact that a U.N. force is already in Southern Lebanon, having failed to secure the border against Hezbollah's incursions and attacks and the murder and kidnapping of Israeli soldiers.

As our airwaves fill with images and sounds of exploding Hezbollah rockets and Israeli bombs, this seven-day conflict has completely displaced from our view another war in which 10 Americans and more than 300 Iraqis have died during the same week. And it is a conflict now of more than three years duration that has claimed almost 15,000 lives so far this year alone.

An estimated 50,000 Iraqis and more than 2,500 American troops have been killed since the insurgency began in March of 2003, which by some estimates is more than the number of dead on both sides of the Arab-Israeli conflict over the past 58 years of wars and intifadas.

Yet we have seen no rescue ships moving up the Euphrates for Iraqis who are dying in their streets, markets and mosques each day. French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin has not leaped to Baghdad as he did Beirut. And there are no meetings of the Arab League, and no U.S. diplomacy with Egypt, Syria and Jordan directed at ending the Iraqi conflict.

In the Middle East, where is our sense of proportion? Where is our sense of perspective? Where is our sense of decency? And, finally, just how smart are we?

Show your solidarity with Lebanon and Palestine in London this Saturday.

"What did you do

2006-07-18T17:39:00.000Z

at school today?"

"It was great mum. We got to write messages on missiles just before the army launched them into Lebanon. I hope some Arab schoolchildren were killed by mine!"

"That's wonderful dear. I hope so too."

While Israel schools the next generation of bigots, if you want to see an end to the bloodshed on both sides, please come to London on Saturday.

Picture from The Sydney Morning Herald via lenin.

Quelle Surprise

2006-07-17T18:35:00.000Z

It's too hot for a proper moan isn't it? But a couple of things have to be commented upon.

Firstly, it was announced to day that no police officers are to be prosecuted over the fatal shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes at a Tube station last July. Instead the Met Police are to be prosecuted under Health and Safety legislation for "failing to provide for the health, safety and welfare" of Mr Menezes. I wish I was surprised, I really do, but there was never a chance of Mr de Menezes' family receiving anything approaching justice. Within 24 hours of the shooting it was already clear that Sir Ian Bliar was a liar. The shit poured out of his mouth in torrents, there was a bulky coat, wires sticking out, he leapt over the barrier, he ran when challenged by officers. All lies. Yet he remains in his job. It is sickening. Truly sickening.

I'm also moved to vomit wondering just what Israel has to do before anyone criticises it. Only today Israel has killed at least 10 Lebanese innocents, yet the UN and Bliar talk about sending an international force to Lebanon but NOT to Israel. Israel is a rogue nation. It is proud of its war crimes. The Israeli Chief of Staff, Brigadier General Dan Halutz said today; "nothing is safe (in Lebanon), as simple as that". Can you imagine any other country in the world making such a blatant threat to destroy its neighbour and there being NO international outcry? It is Israel that has escalated this crisis for its own ends, not the Lebanese, not Syria, not Iran.

If you want to redress the balance, here's something you can do.

URGENT APPEAL FOR SOLIDARITY WITH LEBANESE CIVIL SOCIETY

The Israeli offensive against Lebanon is an act of aggression against the whole Lebanese people. The IDF claims to be attacking an "infrastructure of terror", but the attacks on bridges, roads, airports and ships are cutting the country into pieces, threatening to create a disastrous situation by impeding the transportation of food and medicines, and terrorizing everyone.

Besides the hundreds killed and injured, thousands of people are fleeing the country, and thousands of people are fleeing from the areas where the bombing is heaviest into central Beirut. Even here in the "safe" parts of the city we can hear the bombs throughout the day and night, and electrical and water supplies are tenuous. Political and civil society organizations here are organizing to help people deal with the effects of the invasion, but there is only so much we can do on our own.

We are calling on our brothers and sisters in the rest of the world to do two things to help us. First we call on you to protest at Israeli embassies and consulates, as we hear some groups are already doing. The Israeli government must be held accountable for its criminal and terroristic actions here and in Palestine. We also ask you to send us information about any such protests you carry out.

Secondly we are asking you to help us with our work with displaced people here in Beirut. The group we are part of, the Relief Center - Spears, is working in 23 schools in the central areas of Beirut, which were housing more than 5,000 people as of the night of July 15th (we don't know how many thousands more are in other areas). People there are sleeping 10 or 15 to a room without enough mattresses, and they are only receiving food and water irregularly from the government.

Many are children or elderly, and except for trauma centers the only medical care is being provided by volunteers organized by the Relief Center. These volunteers are lacking the medicines and other supplies they need to care for people. Media activists here will shortly be distributing videos documenting the situation in these schools, which will only get worse if nothing is done.

Besides the humanitarian aspect of the situation, helping displaced people is crucial to the reconstruction of Lebanon after this crisis ends. One aspect of the Israeli offensive is an attempt to foment tensions between different cultural groups in Lebanon. This is the only way they can hope to achieve their goals without an all-out war, but in the end it would do more damage to Lebanese society than any amount of physical destruction. A broad relief effort is an essential part of avoiding such a disaster.

We urgently need money to buy the supplies we need to help the internally displaced population here. We ask everyone who can to send donations, however small, the Relief Committee - Spears in the care of the following two people by bank transfer. Please contact your bank to find out how to do this.

c/o Georges Azzi:
- Bank Name: Credit Libanais SAL Beirut - Agence Sassine
- Swift Code: CLIBLBX
- Client Name: M. Al Azzi Georges Chaker
- Account Number: 0430012080006817356

c/o Bassem Chit:
- Bank Name: Société Générale de Banque au Liban - Hamra Branch
- Swift Code: SGLILBBX
- Client Name: Bassem Chit
- Account Number: 007004362092875014 or 007004367092875014

These are difficult days for everyone in Lebanon, but we are confident that with your support we can overcome this situation as we have others before.

The Mower

2006-07-14T11:49:00.000Z

The mower stalled, twice; kneeling, I found
A hedgehog jammed up against the blades,
Killed. It had been in the long grass.

I had seen it before, and even fed it, once.
Now I had mauled its unobtrusive world
Unmendably. Burial was no help:

Next morning I got up and it did not.
The first day after a death, the new absence
Is always the same; we should be careful

Of each other, we should be kind
While there is still time.

Philip Larkin

With the world seemingly on the brink of another war, with the governments of both the UK and the US mired in the stinking filth of corruption, sleaze, nepotism and incompetence, we - you and I, the people who have to take all this shit really should be kind. To those we love and especially to those we hate.

A victory

2006-07-11T17:43:00.000Z

It would appear that someone in Whitehall has woken up to the unpopularity of ID cards. After rumours over the weekend that senior civil servants were casting doubts on the scheme, the BBC are today reporting

Doubt cast over ID cards' future

The ID card plan which Tony Blair has said is central to tackling terrorism could be scaled down as part of a "face saving exercise", leaked documents say. Officials say ministers are setting themselves up for failure and are "ignoring reality" by pressing ahead. The Sunday Times published documents suggesting ministers are engaged in a rethink, but the Home Office denies claims the plans are being ditched. Conservative spokesman David Davis says the whole scheme should be scrapped. But a Home Office spokesman said: "We're still committed to the introduction of the scheme.
"Any suggestion that we have abandoned ID cards is wrong. We've always made it clear that the introduction will be staged."

According to weekend press reports, ministers are being forced to rethink the plans in order to meet the deadline of phasing in the cards by 2008. Shadow home secretary Mr Davis said: "These are all the classic signs of a Whitehall IT project about to go disastrously wrong. These civil servants can see plainly what the government refuses to accept. The prime minister's obsession with this project will actually weaken our security and cost at least Â£20bn."

Of course, Mr Bliar doesn't want to lose face over the issue and will use all sorts of euphemisms, blaming IT for example

the process of putting contracts to establish the scheme out to tender - which software suppliers expected in March - has been put back indefinitely.

but down on planet earth is there really any doubt that a major factor has been the thousands of people who have pledged to resist the scheme? People power my friends, never underestimate it.

A note of caution though. The NO2ID campaign point out that, although we may not have ID cards the plans for a 'national database' continue. Renew your passport now and continue to be a thorn in the side of this fascist government.

Shine on

2006-07-11T14:25:00.000Z

Genius is an overused word. Syd Barrett was exactly that. And an understated legend.

Pink Floyd's Barrett dies aged 60

Syd Barrett, one of the original members of legendary rock group Pink Floyd, has died at the age of 60 from complications arising from diabetes.
He was born Roger Barrett in Cambridge and met future bandmates Roger Waters and David Gilmour at school there. The guitarist was invited to join Pink Floyd by Waters in 1965 but left three years later after only one album with his mental state affected by drugs.

"He died very peacefully a couple of days ago," said the band's spokeswoman. "There will be a private family funeral."

Barrett was the band's first creative force and an influential songwriter - but his drug intake soon began to affect his place in the band. Often he would be seen standing on stage with his guitar dangling from his neck, staring into the crowd.

'Mental breakdown'

At one stage he was unhappy about appearing on Top of the Pops and walked out of a session recording in July 1967 after "freaking out". "That really was the first sign of his complete mental breakdown," producer Richard Buskin wrote later. "He never did come back into the studio any more after that, meaning that I had a hell of a hard time with the recordings".

He did turn up again, ironically on the day the other band members were recording a tribute to him, Shine On You Crazy Diamond.

Just as Pink Floyd were about to achieve worldwide success, he retreated from public life to return to Cambridge. Members of the band felt his breakdown might have happened even if he had not used drugs but felt that along with the pressures of fame, the substances he took probably acted as a catalyst. After he finally drifted out of the music scene, his whereabouts were unknown for two decades, until he turned out to be living with his mother.

Don't do drugs kids. Unless you want to of course. Hell, I'm not going to stop you.

An Effervescing Elephant
with tiny eyes and great big trunk
once whispered to the tiny ear
the ear of one inferior
that by next June he'd die, oh yeah!
because the tiger would roam.
The little one said: "Oh my goodness I must stay at home!
and every time I hear a growl
I'll know the tiger's on the prowl
and I'll be really safe, you know
the elephant he told me so."
Everyone was nervy, oh yeah!
and the message was spread
to zebra, mongoose, and the dirty hippopotamus
who wallowed in the mud and chewed
his spicy hippo-plankton food
and tended to ignore the word
preferring to survey a herd
of stupid water bison, oh yeah!
And all the jungle took fright,
and ran around for all the day and the night
but all in vain, because, you see,
the tiger came and said: "Who me?!
You know, I wouldn't hurt not one of you.
I'd much prefer something to chew
and you're all to scant." oh yeah!
He ate the Elephant

Syd Barrett.

A minute

2006-07-07T09:42:00.000Z

If you stop for the minute of silence this morning, please open your thoughts beyond London’s 52 innocent victims of Mr Bliar’s imperialist Middle Eastern adventure.

Think of the thousands of nameless Iraqis who have died and who have no memorials; think of those who have died in the concentration camp at Guantanamo; think of the thousands of UK and US troops who face death every day fighting a war they should not be fighting in a place they should not be. And think of Jean Charles de Menezes, gunned down by the Met police as he went about his business. And think about our leaders in Washington and London; think about the blood on their hands.

Pray for peace.

Racism

2006-07-04T18:06:00.000Z

With the anniversary of last years London bombings fast approaching, the British media, and indeed our government are indulging in some terribly predictable covert racism. The BBC and most of the tabloids are making a big deal out of Mr Bliar's demand that Muslims 'root out extremism'. Of course they must, but where are the demands to the other religions? The christian fundamentalists who peach hate and intolerance or the Jewish extremists fermenting conflict in the Middle East? Shouldn't they be rooting out extremism? The BBC also report that "13% of UK Muslims believe the 7/7 bombers should be regarded as martyrs". Enlightening. I wonder what percentage of catholics in Belfast think Padraig Pearse or Bobby Sands a martyr? I wonder because no one to my knowledge has asked.

Is unbiased, non-racist reporting too much to ask for?

Echoes of the past

2006-06-29T19:26:00.000Z

I'm currently reading Simon Schama's magnificent Rough Crossings: Britain, The Slaves and The American Revolution. It is in equal measure the most harrowing and most uplifting book I have read for many a year. Schama's academic rigour and his seemingly natural gift for story-telling shine in this potentially most bleak of subjects. As a reviewer of his BBC series A History of Britain remarked, if all school history teachers were like Schama, we'd all be historians.

To a twenty first century lefty, the very idea that people, and thousands of people at that, could be traded as goods, stripped of all dignity and humanity is abhorrent. Britain's role in the whole sordid business is often underplayed. While the majority of slaves were taken to the southern states to work on the cotton and tabacco plantations, a large number also worked in the British owned sugar plantations in the West Indies. The actual trading of the slaves from their capture and transportation across the Atlantic to the auctions, where a 'stout Negro' could be bought for 30 guineas, while weaker ones were piled onto giant scales and literally sold by the pound, was almost entirely a British operation. We had the most advanced navy in the world, the best ships, the most cunning businessmen. Many a British stately home, including Harewood House, close to where I used to live have their foundations built upon this brutal commerce.

But how far have we come in the intervening 200 or so years? One of the most famous and most disturbing images from that time is that of the stowage of the British slave ship Brookes under the Regulated Slave Trade;

nearly 300 souls crammed onto squalid shelving, chained in place. It reminded me of something. Something much more recent though just as abhorrent;

The government of land of the free and the home of the brave (sic) clearly remembers and sees fit to once again treat people as cargo, as numbers to be moved from one place to another without any thought for humanity or decency. Once again, Britain has a role in this transportation of souls from freedom to bondage, if not to slavery. The US Supreme Court has only today ruled that the Bush administration does not have the authority to try terrorism suspects [in Guantanamo] by military tribunal. It is surely time for the concentration camp at Guantanamo to be consigned to history. If it takes another revolution I am sure that it will be better received over here than the last one.

My senses have been stripped

2006-06-28T18:07:00.000Z

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do."

I’m not a huge fan of the word enigma, especially when related to a person. Surely there are enough adjectives in the English language to describe anyone, everyone? But I’ve spent the last 20 hours trying to think of a better word and I’ve failed.

Bob Dylan is an enigma.

I saw him last night for the first time and I’m yet to stop smiling, yet to come down from my high.

Bob can’t sing. He never could. Now at the age of 65 he really can’t sing. He has little stage presence; he doesn’t speak at all during the show except to introduce his band. No hellos, no thank-yous, no goodnights. He didn’t play his guitar last night instead he almost hid behind his little keyboard, harmonica glinting in the top pocket of his black suit. Under his black hat his lined face barks out the lyrics, his poems, so familiar but sounding so different live. If the show had been on the radio many people would have turned off.

None of that matters though. Not a jot. Last night I stood only yards away from Bob Dylan – Bob fuckin Dylan – while he sang Maggie’s Farm, Stuck Inside of Mobile, Like a Rolling Stone, All Along The Watchtower….. & many, many more.

My love is undiminished. It is stronger. It is renewed. I can guarantee that winamp will be playing nothing but Bob for at least a fortnight. Seriously, everyone, listen to Uncle Phy, if Bob comes to your country, make the effort.

Bob Dylan.

Enigma.

Legend.

Jenn

2006-06-26T11:36:00.000Z

When I started blogging back in January last year, the one thing that surprised me and indeed pleased me the most was getting comments. I was, I still am always so very pleased that anyone even bothers to read what dribbles out of my brain; that others think it is sometimes worth a word or two back just thrills me.

I’ve made many new friends through blogging. One of those friends is Jenn from following my fish who died last week. Jenn was one of the first people to comment here, she was a regular and she never failed to make me smile. I’ll miss her terribly. All of my love goes to Jenn’s family, to Ben and to Mysfit.

Be safe

2006-06-24T15:22:00.000Z

There are huge updates available at Opera, ZoneAlarm and Microsoft. If you can't be good be careful.

I will start posting again after the World Cup. I promise

Update: If you have ZoneAlarm, don't bother with the new version just yet. I installed it on Saturday and it proper messed up my PC. Some problems with the vector victor or something. I've reinstalled the previous version and will update again in a couple of weeks when, hopefully, the problems will have been ironed out.

Murderous morality

2006-06-12T12:07:00.000Z

I try not to think about the Bush administration too often. It stirs dark thoughts within me of creating a super-bomb and razing Washington, annihilating the political establishment in one joyous flash of instant sunshine. No good will come of it. The thoughts that is.

But Colleen Graffy’s comments on the suicide of three men imprisoned in the USA’s concentration camp at Guantanamo Bay are heartless even for that barbarous regime.

Guantanamo suicides a 'PR move'

A top US official has described the suicides of three detainees at the US base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, as a "good PR move to draw attention".
Colleen Graffy told the BBC the deaths were part of a strategy and "a tactic to further the jihadi cause", but taking their own lives was unnecessary.

But lawyers say the men who hanged themselves had been driven by despair.

A military investigation into the deaths is under way, amid growing calls for the centre to be moved or closed.

Suicide as a PR ‘stunt’. The callousness of that comment chills my blood. Suicide is not a ‘stunt’ whoever or why ever it is done. Making a speech on a warship in front of a big banner saying “Mission Accomplished” – that’s a stunt; Saddam Hussein’s show trial – that’s a stunt.

The decision to commit suicide is never one that is taken lightly. It is a decision born of despair and hopelessness, of seeing no future, no point in your continued existence. Is it possible that their despair was bought on after spending nearly 5 years in a concentration camp without charge, without legal status and without any recourse to justice? Trying to deflect criticism of Guantanamo by describing the suicides as PR or acts of war illustrates perfectly the true value that Bush’s ‘christian’ White House places on a human life. We’ve seen his administration kill indiscriminately from Fallujah to New Orleans. Life is cheap to a neo-con. I only hope the karma police have something suitable lined up for George.

Mondial

2006-06-09T12:09:00.000Z

The World Cup starts in 4 hours!!!!!

Hurrah!!!!

This is the 700th Phylotopian post.

Hurrah!!!

Come on England!!!

Ctrl+Z Undo

2006-06-06T19:01:00.000Z

Here's a thought I had in the shower just now. If you could un-invent anything, what would it be? Once un-invented, that thing would play no more part in the history of man, and anything it's done previously is erased.

My first thought was weaponry. But then I figured that if we hadn’t invented the gun we’d probably only have come up with some other devilishly fiendish way of killing one another.

So I’ve though of something else. Not telling what yet. What do you think?

Ultimate showdown

2006-06-06T12:16:00.000Z

All the superheroes.

Genius.

Thanks Mzza.

Sexuality

2006-05-25T20:00:00.000Z

Are we still suffering from Victorian ‘moral values’ here in the UK? That hypocritical mindset which insisted on good manners and propriety while record numbers of women walked the streets amid endemic poverty and ill health.

The MOD has decided (in 2006 ffs) that it really should make an effort to “rid the armed forces of sexual harassment”. Welcome to the twentieth century guys. Please try and catch up. I spent 6 years or so in the RAF as a younger man and can honestly say that I saw very little harassment of a sexual or racial nature. I don’t know if this is because my trade required a certain standard of education and as such I didn’t mix with the hoi polloi but I was genuinely shocked with the survey which found that 99% of servicewomen had witnessed or experienced some form of harassment and that many who reported it felt that their careers suffered as a result. It’s all very disturbing.

On the other side of the coin, Lynett Burgess in Wales has been cleared of indecent exposure after her male neighbour complained about her nude sunbathing. I do wonder if the result would have been the same had the complainant been female, the sunbather male. I’m going to go out over the weekend and…… no I’m not. No really, I'm NOT.

And the PM’s been talking about sex. Bleuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Puzzled

2006-05-24T19:19:00.000Z

What the crap is going on at the big House? The Education Bill, which is hugely unpopular with everyone outside the Blairite Junta has just passed its third reading and despite a large rebellion within the Labour Party, because David Cameron (whose job title is Leader of the OPPOSITION) decided that his party would support the government.

What the fuck???

Where has the dishonour gone? To hell with the Education Act, we can have another one of them knocked up soon enough, defeat this evening could have, probably would have meant the end of Bliar. The end of that lying, manipulative, pathetic excuse for a PM. Only yesterday Cameron was quite rightly, laying into Tony for the shambles at the Home Office (a shambles that goes on shambling) but today they’re best mates again. How does that work? If Cameron had led his sheep through the ‘nay’ gate this evening and triggered the end of Bliar he would have been carried aloft around the streets of Britain. Municipal buildings would have been named after him, there would have been a street parties everywhere. I might even have cracked open a bottle of the champagne I'm saving for when Mrs Thatcher dies. (Seriously people, the day she croaks just turn up at mine, it'll be a blast.) Maybe we’d have got a new bank holiday even – who knows? But he blew it. Why? Does anyone have a clue?

Only house I’m talking about from now is the Big Brother house. At least they know how to 'ave a fight. Please vote Bunn-eh out; please, for little ol' me. She's the stupidest woman ever to appear on TV. Stupider even than Fearne Cotton. I could weep.

On holiday

2006-05-07T14:02:00.000Z

Back soon lovely people.

Come on you Spurs!!

A burning issue

2006-05-01T12:21:00.000Z

Or a disgrace?

Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise that we cannot eat money. Sioux prophecy.

£1bn windfall from carbon trading

Power firms could make a £1bn windfall profit from the EU Carbon Emissions Trading Scheme, BBC News has learned. The windfall is likely because many firms have benefited from increases in electricity prices brought about by the scheme without needing to make any extra investment in return. Peter Bedson, from IPA Consulting, confirmed to the BBC that the unwarranted profit could reach £1bn.

Environmental pressure groups have called the news a scandal.

Part of the problem, Mr Bedson said, is that firms have been given, free-of-charge, the carbon emissions permits on which the scheme is based. This, he explained, is like the government giving energy firms free money. The WWF pressure group has demanded a windfall tax to re-direct the profits into energy conservation.

The Conservatives said it was an example of government incompetence. Their environment spokesman Peter Ainsworth said: "MPs warned the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) this would happen but they took no notice."

The windfall lies in the design of the EU emissions trading scheme, which works by governments setting a limit for the total amount of carbon that can be emitted from its heavy industry and the power sectors. Instead of banning firms from exceeding the limit, governments hand the firms free pollution allowances up to a certain level. If a firm can cheaply cut its pollution by installing better technology it will have carbon permits to spare. If another firm is overshooting its pollution limit it will need to get hold of extra allowances. The firms can then trade carbon permits on the EU market.

Economists like it because it gives maximum pollution savings at least cost. But a true market scheme would see the permits auctioned, not given away by governments.

It's our children who will pay.

Workers of all countries, Unite!

2006-05-01T11:34:00.000Z

Happy May Day.

Keystone cops

2006-04-27T20:32:00.000Z

Astonishing!

Suspect's horse and cart getaway

Animal welfare and a northern city's network of narrow alleys foiled the hi-tech power of modern policing when a wanted man escaped from a fleet of pursuit vehicles on a horse and cart. Four motorbikes, a patrol car, a video van, two cycling constables and finally the force helicopter failed to catch the suspect after a slow-motion chase through east Leeds.

A 34-year-old man, who has not been named but is wanted for serious assault, was spotted by a police cycle patrol. The suspect jumped on to a rag-and-bone cart with a friend. Local people in the Chapel Allerton area described "a bizarre procession" along a dual carriageway leading out of Leeds, with the horse and cart weaving around to frustrate its pursuers. West Yorkshire police said that officers had got as close as they could but were anxious not to frighten the horse.

I'm filled with confidence that the rozzers will have no trouble sweeping up Clarke's missing 1,023.

Tarring with one brush

2006-04-24T18:42:00.000Z

Nice one America.

Muslim 'must pay for visa checks'

A Muslim student had to pay extra for security checks when applying for a visa to visit the United States, because his name was Mohammed.

Mohammed Umar Haleem Khan, 22, was told by US Embassy officials that "a lot of bad people" shared his name.

Can we charge Americans called "George" extra to come here?

New liars

2006-04-23T13:48:00.000Z

I like to think that over the last 9 years I have become fairly immune to New Labour's continual spin and their constant lying. But every now and again one of the mindless automatons currently posing as a government minister makes a statement of such unbelievable inanity that my morning coffee ends up being sprayed out of my nose. This morning it was Patricia Hewitt.

NHS 'enjoying best year' - Hewitt

Despite huge job losses and mounting financial problems, the NHS is enjoying "its best year ever" according to Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt.

The service faces a financial deficit of up to £800m and some 7,000 job losses have already been confirmed.

Mrs Hewitt said: "We have just come through one of the coldest winters for decades and we haven't had any of the winter bed crises."

The Conservatives say the service's problems are down to mismanagement.

Mrs Hewitt said the NHS had "saved more lives than ever before" this year. (This actually sounds like a spin of "We have killed fewer people this year than last" which is progress I suppose.)

This bold statement doesn't seem to tally with the headlines I recall from the last couple of weeks so I put "NHS" into the BBC News search engine and found...

Nurse cuts 'hit 50% of hospitals'

NHS cash 'wasted by PFI delays'

Overseas NHS doctors 'betrayed'

NHS 'wasting over £500m on drugs' (That's almost as much as Keith Richards)

Pledge to end NHS elderly abuse (Abuse of the elderly has been acceptable up to now?)

Blair rejects NHS 'chaos' claims

MPs consider probe into NHS cuts (Anal probe for Bliar?)

Papers condemn Blair's NHS record

Patients 'fight to find dentists'

Children's hospitals in cash plea

Auditor's warning on NHS finances

NHS to pay £100,000 after death

Call for review of NHS IT upgrade

NHS job cuts 'set to quadruple'

'No money' for 1,200 NHS patients

Hospital trust to shed 200 jobs

Debt-hit NHS trust axes 720 jobs

Charges for NHS fraud allegations

Hospital trust latest to axe jobs

Two years left 'to save free NHS'

Hundreds of health jobs to be cut

Hospital trust to lose 160 jobs

New trust caters for 1.4m people

Hospital faces £8m cash shortfall

Hospital 'failed cancer patients'

Where do the government get their balls from? Do they really think that if they repeat the same crap over and over again without hesitation or deviation (four legs good, two legs better) people will believe them? Are they trying to convince themselves? I know that there are no headlines in good news and that every minute of every day people are having their lives saved by the wonderful people who work in the NHS, but there are clearly problems. Glib statements like "best year ever" do nothing to reassure me that anyone in the government really has a clue as to what is going on or more importantly, how to fix it.

Why am I surprised though? New Labour also tell us that there is no civil war in Iraq, that nuclear power is a great idea and that the moon is made out of green cheese. OK, I made the last one up but you get my point right? The government and reality are not friends. They don’t even have a passing acquaintance.

This really matters. I don’t suffer from nationalism at all, I was born here, I live here for now, but I have never understood what it means to be ‘British’. However, if there is one thing I am proud of, one thing which we should all be proud of it is the NHS. Healthcare for everyone, regardless of race, colour, creed or income, free at the point of delivery. Citizens of richer countries than ours can only dream of such a thing. The party which created the NHS now seems determined to kill it through PFI, targets and needless meddling. It breaks my heart.

Sloppy

2006-04-20T20:24:00.000Z

Terrorists have a bit of a history with airplanes in the US don't they and President Bush, well he's none to popular with terrorists right now; there must be dozens looking for a way of getting at him. So if I were Bush, one thing that would make me feel really, really safe is the fact that my personal plane, Air Force One is the best protected plane in the whole of the USA. Especially when it's parked up at Andrews Air Force Base. Guarded by the cream of the US Air Force. You certainly wouldn't expect that a joker with a can of spray paint could easily jump over the fence and tag it. That would be impossible.

Wouldn't it?

Astonishing. Has anyone involved in security within the USA learned anything from 9/11?

Update

Dammit.

Air Force One Subject of Internet Hoax

WASHINGTON - A startling Internet video that shows someone spraying graffiti on President Bush's jet looked so authentic that the Air Force wasn't immediately certain whether the plane had been targeted.

It was all a hoax. No one actually sprayed the slogan "Still Free" on the cowling of Air Force One.

The pranksters responsible for the grainy, two-minute Web video — employed by a New York fashion company — revealed Friday how they pulled it off: a rented 747 in California painted to look almost exactly like Air Force One.

"I wanted to do something culturally significant, wanted to create a real pop-culture moment," said Marc Ecko of Marc Ecko Enterprises. "It's this completely irreverent, over-the-top thing that could really never happen: this five-dollar can of paint putting a pimple on this Goliath."

Be afraid

2006-04-20T12:03:00.000Z

With the war in Iraq going so well, just how seriously is Bush contemplating a war with Iran? Read Seymour Hersh and tremble.

THE IRAN PLANS

Would President Bush go to war to stop Tehran from getting the bomb?
by SEYMOUR M. HERSH

The Bush Administration, while publicly advocating diplomacy in order to stop Iran from pursuing a nuclear weapon, has increased clandestine activities inside Iran and intensified planning for a possible major air attack. Current and former American military and intelligence officials said that Air Force planning groups are drawing up lists of targets, and teams of American combat troops have been ordered into Iran, under cover, to collect targeting data and to establish contact with anti-government ethnic-minority groups. The officials say that President Bush is determined to deny the Iranian regime the opportunity to begin a pilot program, planned for this spring, to enrich uranium.

American and European intelligence agencies, and the International Atomic Energy Agency (I.A.E.A.), agree that Iran is intent on developing the capability to produce nuclear weapons. But there are widely differing estimates of how long that will take, and whether diplomacy, sanctions, or military action is the best way to prevent it. Iran insists that its research is for peaceful use only, in keeping with the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, and that it will not be delayed or deterred.

There is a growing conviction among members of the United States military, and in the international community, that President Bush's ultimate goal in the nuclear confrontation with Iran is regime change.

[continues]

Via mysfit @ i am following my fish.

I have been pondering Bush's intentions towards Iran for a while. It is quite simply beyond my understanding that he would even consider opening a new front in his quest to subjugate the Middle East. Iraq is a disaster. It is costing billions of $$, thousands of lives and no one is really gaining anything. Except the big US corporations who are supplying the industrial war machine with their guns and bombs. And body bags. But Hersh has a habit of being proved right. Pray to whatever god you believe in that he is wrong this time. In the guise of peace, Bush seems to be preparing to unleash a hell on earth. Can I get on a different train please?

Now I've been happy lately, thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be, something good has begun

Oh I've been smiling lately, dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be, some day it's going to come

Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again

Now I've been smiling lately, thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be, something good has begun

Oh peace train sounding louder
Glide on the peace train
Come on now peace train
Yes, peace train holy roller

Everyone jump upon the peace train
Come on now peace train

Get your bags together, go bring your good friends too
Cause it's getting nearer, it soon will be with you

Now come and join the living, it's not so far from you
And it's getting nearer, soon it will all be true

Now I've been crying lately, thinking about the world as it is
Why must we go on hating, why can't we live in bliss

Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again

Cat Stevens

Resistance

2006-04-17T13:29:00.000Z

Following my recent post on ID cards, I’ve been thinking about the poll tax, the last piece of government legislation to meet massive popular opposition. The poll tax was bought down because thousands of people said “NO” and it nicely illustrates how individuals can beat poorly thought out and poorly implemented legislation; how laws which have their genesis in dogma and in a ‘we know best attitude’ ultimately fail as the partnership between the government and the governed breaks down.

I was the 23rd person in the England to be summonsed for non payment of the poll tax and although I was only a part of it the small victory a few of us won over Medina Borough/Isle of Wight County Council in 1990 was part of a massive movement.

The IoW is terribly poor. The economy is seasonal and a bad summer means that many will struggle to make it through the winter. In the late 80s/early 90s there was a realisation that grants could be obtained from Europe and the UK government for regeneration projects. The council had to show that it was raising all the money it was due locally before any extra national funding would be given. So, in a great fanfare of publicity the council decided that it would become the “first council in England to begin court proceedings against non payers of the poll tax”. Duly, I received summons number 23, an extra £50 charge and a date in court.

The Isle of Wight council were hoping to get some good press over this and must have assumed that people would either pay up or meekly go to court, have a bit of a moan about the injustice of the system and then quietly go home. But they hadn’t counted on the fact that one person had read the full legislation and had quietly found a way to beat the council. The headlines the following day were not about the council’s victory over the anarchists but the anarchist’s victory over the council. I wish I could remember our hero’s name but time has lost it to me. I bet there are people in the council who remember him. I bet the lawyers that he embarrassed remember him. He had his 60 seconds in court and it went like this…

Judge: How do you answer the charge that you are wilfully refusing to pay a legally imposed tax?

Our Hero (OH): Not guilty. And as the summons was issued illegally I am seeking compensation from the council.

J: How so?

OH: Can I refer you to Section X, Subsection Y, paragraph Z of the Act? It says, “All documents pertaining to any legal proceeding are to be issued by the fastest appropriate method”

J: Yes. The summonses were all sent by post. Do you not consider this an appropriate method?

OH: I do your honour. But it says the ‘fastest’ appropriate method. The Royal mail is appropriate but the fastest way to use the Royal Mail is to use First Class Post. My summons was sent Second Class.

J: (Turning to the council’s legal team) Do you have any response?

Legal teams: Errrrr, ummmmm no your honour.

J: Case dismissed.

Of course, everybody had been sent their summons by second class and so a council official had to sheepishly advise us all that we could go home. We went to the pub.

Some people had paid their poll tax on receiving the summons. That’s fine. Not everyone is prepared to fight to the bitter end and anyone who defied the system is worthy of praise. They all played a part. They also all paid the £50 additional charge, which the judge later ruled should be refunded due the illegality of the summonses. It cost the council thousands. All because their expensive legal team full of ego and bravado, but empty of common sense and intelligence failed to do what a dusty old commie in a bed-sit managed to. He found the flaw.

History remembers the riot in Trafalgar Square of 30 March 1990; more 200,000 people engaged in civil disobedience on an epic scale. Everyone remembers how they finally woke the Conservative Party up to how unpopular the tax was and to just how out of touch Thatcher had become. But beyond the riots up to 18,000,000 people either refused to pay or did not cooperate fully with the system, paying late, paying in pennies, posting cheques that were unsigned or dated 1890, deducting amounts proportional to that spent on the local police farce or the chief executive’s wages. The imagination shown by poll tax protesters was endless and each and every one of them was a thorn in the side of the government, a problem they didn't need. Six months later both Thatcher and the tax were gone.

ID Cards will lead to demonstrations on a much larger scale. They may be as violent as in 1990 or they may not; they may not need to be. They may of course be far more violent, the validity of violence as a means of political protest is a matter of individual conscience. But the passion felt by those of us who oppose the cards is underestimated by the government and it will boil over somewhere, some when.

However, the headline demonstrations against ID cards will be a side show compared to the drip, drip, drip of people who simply want to mess with the system. Every person who fails to turn up at the allotted time for their ‘classification’ interview and photo session will slow the system down. Everyone who fails to fill in the form properly or forgets to post it back, everyone who spells their name wrongly or gives an incorrect date of birth, everyone who writes over the inevitable barcode, everyone who signs the form “Obi Wan Kenobi” all will be banging nails into the coffin that will inevitably bury ID cards. We all know, we all feel the growing sense of incredulity as people realise the full consequences of ID cards. You don’t have to throw bricks at policemen or go to prison to defy them. You just have to do something.

Willow & leather

2006-04-14T18:11:00.000Z

What indicates the start of summer? The migratory birds flocking back, sightings of bumble bees and ladybirds? The first wafts of BBQ smoke? No, all wrong.

It's the start of the cricket season!! HURRAH!

First match of the season as always is the county champions Nottinghamshire against an MCC XI at Lord's. Rain delayed the start of course but we're up and running.

England have Sri Lanka and then Pakistan touring and though I think we will struggle in the one day matches, in the proper game we should win both series, though going unbeaten is probably too much to ask for.

A cornucopia of sport is approaching fast. There is still everything to play for at the top of the Premiership, the World Cup is barely 2 months away, two cricket tours; sit back, crack open a beer and enjoy it.

Freddie

2006-04-11T12:08:00.000Z

Congratulations big man!

Flintoff hailed as world's best

England all-rounder Andrew Flintoff has been named Leading Cricketer of the World for 2005 by Wisden.

The 28-year-old, who was named BBC Sports Personality of the Year last year for his Ashes heroics, edged out Australian Shane Warne to the accolade. "I'm pleased to have been given the award," said Flintoff. "It's very humbling and obviously a great honour. The last 12 months have been fantastic for English cricket and I'm looking forward to building on that success."

Sick?

2006-04-11T11:52:00.000Z

As there aren't enough genuine things to make you ill, pharmaceutical firms are now inventing diseases. Not to make us all well and happy, but to make more money for themselves.

Drug firms 'inventing diseases'

Pharmaceutical firms are inventing diseases to sell more drugs, researchers have warned.
Disease-mongering promotes non-existent diseases and exaggerates mild problems to boost profits, the Public Library of Science Medicine reported.

Researchers at Newcastle University in Australia said firms were putting healthy people at risk by medicalising conditions such as menopause.

Capitalism. Don't ya love it!!

Actually I think I might have "Restless legs" - every time I read a story like this one I want to run over and give someone a right good kicking.

Clerks II

2006-04-05T19:39:00.000Z

New trailer.

WATCH IT!!!

Easy now.

ID cards

2006-03-30T18:48:00.000Z

In a move that will have surprised no one Charles Clarke, head of Minitrue today announced that ID cards would be made compulsory should Labour win the next election. Before the last election he skirted round the issue pretending that we would have some choice in the matter but there was never really any doubt. A voluntary ID card is no use to a fascist government.

I have argued against ID cards many times before and I’m not going to do it again today. Read my archives, got to NO2ID’s website, have a think about the matter yourself without giving any consideration to what the government or the spineless media have to say. Really, once you get into the habit of thinking for yourself you’ll find it very liberating. If you still think ID cards are a good idea then at least you’ll be able to argue the case in your own words rather than just repeating the dull “if you’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear” line. Bollocks; I have done nothing wrong so why the hell should I line up with everybody else and have my picture taken, my fingerprints recorded, my iris scanned? Why should I have to be treated like an object, like a possession by my own government? My own ‘democratic’ government? It’s not going to happen. I will not do it.

Now we know their plan, we must show them our plan, our fight back. Civil disobedience begins at home. Sign the pledge. 12,000 people have now sworn that they will not cooperate with the ID card system. One refusal makes a mockery of the whole system. 12,000 means that it cannot possibly work. Take the pledge seriously as well. Don’t umm and ahh when you get the letter ‘inviting’ you to your local police station for your classification interview (don't worry it's only a shower), don’t back down if threatened with a £2,500 fine. You haven’t got £2,500 laying around so you can’t pay it anyway. Are they going to jail 12,000 of us? Do they want 12,000 martyrs creating negative headline all round the world? Do they fuck.

Now write to your MP, your local papers, the national papers. Bring the subject up at work, challenge the people who agree with ID cards; the chances are they haven’t really though about the issues at all. Make it your mission to change minds.

What must be understood is that real power does not lay with the government. It never has, it never will. The real power is with us. Their laws only work because we agree to them, we agree to be governed accepting that sometimes there may be encroachments into our way of life for the sake of the greater good. But ID cards will do nothing to increase the greater good. They are simply a meaningless tool of a paranoid, fascistic state that has no trust in and no respect for its citizens.

Fight them.

A plague

2006-03-29T18:18:00.000Z

There is something very tawdry going on in British politics and the stains are spreading out to affect and indeed infect the whole House.

In the dying days of the Major administration, Tony Bliar stood up and accused them of being ‘mired in sleaze’ (which they were) and said that he would do things differently, he promised that he would cut sleaze out of politics. Soon after coming to power he passed legislation making it compulsory for parties to declare all donations over £5,000. So far so good. What he failed to tell us was that ‘loans’ of any sum would not have to be declared and guess what? Instead of touting for donations from rich individuals they started touting for ‘loans’.

Here’s a list of 12 people who between them have loaned the Labour Party – sorry ‘New Labour’ a total of £13,950,000. Sleazy? Open to interpretation maybe, bending the rules, but don’t we all do that from time to time? Then we found out that 4 of these people had been nominated for peerages. The Power Commission said this month that every Labour donor who had given more than a million pounds had received a knighthood or a peerage. One or two others withdrew their nominations, the chairman of C(r)apita resigned over the matter although he insisted he’d done nothing wrong and he didn’t have a guilty conscience. No, not at all. Innocent people resign hastily all the time. I’m sure the Metropolitan Police who are investigating the allegations of ‘cash for honours’ will find no wrongdoing. Actually, considering the arse who runs the Met Police I think we can guarantee that they will find no wrongdoing.

Instead of dealing with this in a mature, honourable way Labour took to just spreading the mud around. OK they said, we’ve been a bit naughty but so have the Tories and the Lib Dems. They’re just as guilty.

Is this a defence? Does that make it all right? If me and the gang get pissed after poker on Friday night, knock up a few Molotov’s and invaded France if the big boys across the street tell us it’s OK, would that be alright with Tony? Because that’s a rough analogy of his invasion of Iraq. Blair invaded a country that posed no threat to the UK, so why shouldn’t I?

Fortunately the Electoral Commission have a bit more sense than me and have issued a warning that they are determined to get to the truth of what has happened. Genuine loans they say, may not need to be declared but loans with no repayment date, loans accruing no interest, loans that roll over, should be. Their reasoning is sound – that parties must “demonstrate to voters that [they] have nothing to hide.” Let’s wait and see shall we. Anything to hide Tony?

The media are also reporting that the deadlock between the Commons and the Lords over ID cards has been broken. Hurrah thought I, progress has been made in fighting this insane, illiberal idea. The government had wanted people who apply for a passport to automatically get an ID card at the same time. Under the great new ‘compromise’ however your details will still go onto the National ID Database but you don’t have to have an ID card. Until 2010.

What a crock. That’s not a compromise that’s a full surrender. A delayed surrender maybe, but a surrender all the same. I’ve commented in previous ID card posts how odd it was for an old lefty to be hanging his hopes on the House of Lords. It was never a comfortable thing to do, I always felt grubby afterwards. And it seems I was right. (I hate being right all the time.)

I’m off for a bath. A Domestos bath. If anybody wants to scrub my back with a scouring pad or a stiff broom, I’ll be in there a while.

You Spurs!!

2006-03-27T20:58:00.000Z

Can you here me Gooners? We're on our way to Europe!!

Tottenham 2-1 West Brom

We all dream of a team of Robbie Keane’s, a team of Robbie Keane’s, a team of Robbie Keane’s
We all dream of a team of Robbie Keane’s, a team of Robbie Keane’s, a team of Robbie Keane’s

The beautiful game

2006-03-25T20:14:00.000Z

Three minutes or so of sublime, silky skills from Ronaldinho, ZiZi, Beckham (remember when he was good?), Roberto Carlos etc...

And big up Reading who after more than 130 years of trying have finally made it to the top. When I first lived in Reading they missed promotion by the odd point, by goal difference, it was painful. So why is a Spurs fan pleased that they're promoted? It's 6 easy points next season innit!

Serve cold

2006-03-23T19:27:00.000Z

I'm not alone here in loving South Park. Unless you have been on the moon recently you'll know that after 150 episodes mocking Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Mormons etc Isaac Hayes had a sense of humour failure when the show mocked Scientology. He clearly didn't think that pissing off the two greatest satirists alive today would lead to any recriminations. Bad move.

South Park gets revenge on Chef

South Park has exacted revenge on its former star Isaac Hayes by turning his character Chef into a paedophile and seemingly killing him off.

The opening episode of the 10th series, screened in the US on Wednesday, appeared to be a satire on Scientology. Hayes, a Scientologist, quit the animated comedy after a different episode ridiculed the religion.

In the new show, Chef is brainwashed by the "Super Adventure Club" - thought to be a veiled reference to Scientology. The other characters are angry at "that fruity little club for scrambling his brains". Hayes did not participate in the episode but his lines were apparently patched together from previous recordings.

Chef arrives after travelling the world with the Super Adventure Club and repeatedly tells the children he wants to "make sweet love" to them. The children take him to a psychiatrist and then a strip club, where he remembers his love for women and is cured. But he is brainwashed by the Super Adventure Club again - before falling off a bridge and being burned, stabbed and mauled by a lion and a grizzly bear.

'Hurt and confused'

At his funeral, one of the children says: "A lot of us don't agree with the choices the Chef has made in the last few days. "Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the past few weeks take away the memories of how Chef made us smile."

Soul singer Hayes recently announced he had left the show because of its "intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs". But co-creator Matt Stone said: "In 10 years and over 150 episodes of South Park, Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslim, Mormons or Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show."

US TV network Comedy Central then pulled a different episode, which mocked Tom Cruise and more explicitly lampooned Scientology.

If you missed the "Come Out Of The Closet" Tom Cruise clip, watch it here. It's a work of genius. (May be NSFW due to links)

FREE!!!

2006-03-22T21:39:00.000Z

Got your attention didn't it. I'm not being a tease though. Oh no.

Go here for the Best of Bootie 2005, twenty of the best mash-ups from 2005 including gems such as Eric B & Rakim vs White Stripes, The Killers vs The Clash, Coldplay vs Kraftwerk, Ying Yang Twins vs The Cure and N.W.A. vs Nirvana. 70Mb zip file but worth every byte. Just download it.

Did I say it was free?

Also worth a look is The Observer's 25 most amazing music sites on the web, from which I can thoroughly recommend Resonance FM. I'd suggest getting Winamp which will allow you to listen to either the OGG or MP3 stream. You'll thank me.

The Phylotopian

A return?

Of love & leaving. And holidays.

Winter Wonderland

Do it yourself

Bullies

More tea vicar?

D Day

Insomnia

phylos is...

Hubris

Wrongedness

Feisty

**blush**

Bricks & mortar

Future first

Iceland

Idiot

A bad day for fascism

Birthday Billie

Bias

Good day for fascism Mr Bliar

Neglected your kids? Have some free money

W

Be afraid

Why do they hate us mummy?

Ponce

Quitter

So it goes

We are Tottenham

Cowardice

V D

Farewell

Seek and ye shall find

Snow!!!

No alarms and no surprises

Something for the weekend

You Spurs

Hull 0

The noose tightens?

Tuesday

Dismal

You Spurs

Happy Birthday

Fox fight

Throw away the keys?

We don't want no cups

On losing and losers.

God-like

Can it be?

Stay scared

Glory, glory Tottenham Hotspur!!

More heroes

You Spurs

Going nuclear

Book of the day

Somewhere

Cute II

Something for the weekend

The Pope is an idiot

So. Where were we?

Twenty

Warcrimes and media bias

United in peace

The USA and Israel, joined in blood

"What did you do

Quelle Surprise

The Mower

A victory

Shine on

A minute

Racism

Echoes of the past

My senses have been stripped

Jenn

Be safe

Murderous morality

Mondial

Ctrl+Z Undo

Ultimate showdown

blush