Missile Dick Chicks!

We are a posse of pissed-off housewives from Crawford, Texas, the home of our beloved President George Walker Bush. Usually we prefer to leave the talking to our husbands, but recent events have conspired to drag us away from our martinis and over-the-counter pharmaceuticals and into the streets.

I love the smell of satire in the evening.

I wish this next story was satire, but it is genuine..

Nipple-negating technology declares war on female breasts

The good news is those weapons of mass destruction have finally been found. The bad news is your mother, sister, aunt, and grandma are all guilty of having them. Sixteen months after the Super Bowl's tempest in a C-cup, war has been declared on women's breasts. From Desperate House-wives' deployment of digital nipple-erasers to Victoria's Secret's nipple-negating bras, a campaign is under way to conceal one of the natural features of the female breast.

The producers of TV's Desperate Housewives have reportedly spent thousands of dollars digitally removing the nipples from on-screen images of actresses Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan.

Well, if that doesn't make the world a safer place, nothing will. Sleep tight.