The (formerly) Magic Roundabout

The new film version of The Magic Roundabout received its premiere in London this afternoon. It looks worse than I imagined. I know I’m too precious about ‘old school’ kids TV, I know it’s not entirely becoming in a man my age, but I cannot let this lie.

Firstly it’s all CG. In how many ways is that wrong? Just because you can do something in a new fangled hi-tech way, doesn’t mean you should. CG animation has no charm, no subtlety and no character. Everyone looks like a shiny android. It looks cheap. It looks nasty. I hate it. (Can I add that I'm not anti CG at all. Toy Story, Shrek, Antz - all great films.)

There is some good casting. Ian McKellen is Zebedee, Jim Broadbent voices Brian the snail and Bill Nighy is Dylan. But please, give me 5 minutes alone with idiot who decided Robbie Williams should be Dougal. I’ll not give the talentless, northern git the oxygen of anymore publicity on this site, but my displeasure is, I hope, noted. And speaking of talentless, Kylie Minogue as Florence? Want to appeal to the under 10’s do we? You should be so lucky. .
Incidentally, I’ve just seen footage of the premiere on Sky News, and Kylie for the love of god lay off the botox will you sweetie! You’re not 15 years old anymore. We know that. You’re 36 and it’s nothing to be ashamed of – I’m 37 and through a mixture of clean living and going to bed early I don’t look a day over 34. That and the painting in the attic.

Obviously, I wasn’t invited to the premiere so I haven’t seen the film yet, and yes, it is a bit naughty to be judging it already, but it does look crap. Listen carefully and you can hear Serge Danot spinning in his grave. (He is dead isn’t he?) If you want to watch The Magic Roundabout pop off down HMV tomorrow and buy the BBC video of Eric Thompson’s charming TV series. Or get Dougal & The Blue Cat, Danot’s own film. I own them both. They’re lovely. They’re enthralling. They’re The Magic Roundabout.

Beware of imitations.

Don't get in a flap

I've kept this blog out of the gutter for nearly 3 weeks now, but this story made me laugh so much, it had to be shared.

The poor kid should have watched this animation first. It's from the BBC but it could still be slightly NSFW.

Big Brother?

Remaining on the subject of Big Brother - the more sinister sort this is a pretty scary animation from the American Civil Liberties Union.

Not that it's any better here in Britain.

Reality TV

Has reality TV reached the end of the road? Are the words 'sell by date' on the horizon at Endemol? Did anyone watch the freak show that was the recent series of Celebrity BB? Just when you were thinking it couldn't get any worse along comes Sperm Race. Twelve men competing against each other to see which one of them has the 'fastest' sperm. I suppose it is slighly more tasteful than Fox's 'Who's Your Daddy'. Very slightly.

Iran

I don't know how much good online petitions do, but here's one urging the UN to use all its power to prevent any invasion of Iran by the US war machine.

How tall?

This is one of those sites that tells you something you didn't realise that you didn't know.

I'm taller than Stalin, the same height as Mao Tse-tung but shorter than Mary Queen of Scots. I assume that's before her head was removed from the vicinity of her shoulders.

Slackers

Slacker culture is alive and well at NASA. I salute you!

NASA admits pulling a 'Scotty' with Mars Rovers

With the twin Mars rovers approaching or surpassing their 200th SOL on Mars, NASA engineers reveal a somewhat geekish secret.

NASA Mars rover design engineer Joe Melko, suppressing a mischevious smile, explains

"Well, we've been telling the media that the twin Mars rovers were designed to last a hundred days, and that every day after that is an added unexpected bonus, but now that we've gone beyond the 200th day mark with Spirit, I think it's time we offer a more accurate explanation."

Melko took a stack of Star Trek photos from his desk, picking one showing the original Star Trek character Mister Scott talking to a younger actor

"Remember this episode? Mister Scott is explaining to the young engineer how to come across as a miracle worker. He says something like: 'Tell the captain it will take you 3 hours to fix the problem, lad, when you know it will only take about 1. That way, when you leisurely fix it in 2, you'll still come across as a miracle worker!'"

Melko took out a pair of wax Spock ears and put them on, giving the 'live long and prosper' symbol with his right hand

"Err...well, we did the same thing. We knew the twin rovers might even last a year on Mars, so we pulled a Scotty, so we'd look like heroes. We got the idea at a Star Trek convention in Orlando a few years back."

If nothing else, America's brilliant NASA engineers have once again illustrated their almost superhumanlike genius, -along with more than a trifle of geekishness-, but genius nonetheless.

The Fourth Reich?

I really wanted the Auschwitz post to stand alone today.

But then I found this.

IRANIAN SOURCE REPORTS PLOT TO ATTACK U.S. NUKE

WASHINGTON [MENL] -- Congress has been pressing the U.S. intelligence community to investigate claims by an Iranian defector that Teheran planned to crash an airliner into a nuclear reactor in the United States.

Several members of Congress were said to have been alarmed by the information and one has met with CIA senior officials to press for an investigation. So far, the CIA has refused to question the Iranian defector, a former senior official in the 1970s.

Remember a couple of years ago, all those stories about Iraq being behind 9/11, about Saddam’s WMD programmes, about how he was an imminent threat to Europe? Isn’t that story remarkably similar? Who wants to wager which country the Bush/Neo-con war machine has its eyes on next? Place your bets ladies and gentlemen.

Doubt me?

Have a look at this.

And this.

And this.

And this.

And this.

And this.

And this.

The Fourth Reich is rising.

Be afraid.

Auschwitz Liberation Day

As I hope everybody will know, today is Auschwitz Liberation Day. It marks the 60th anniversary of the arrival of the Soviet Army in 1945, and the full revelation to a shocked world of the true extent of the Holocaust.

I find it incredibly difficult to write anything meaningful. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? How can I, a middle class Englishman who has spent his 37 years on this planet in peace and comfort, comment on the appalling brutality and dehumanisation that occurred there and in so many other camps? It’s simply not possible.

That the world now stands and does nothing while genocide occurs in Sudan shames us. But we did nothing in Rwanda, nothing in Srebrenitsa, nothing in Uganda until it was too late, and it is a stain on the conscience of us all. When will “Never Again” really mean NEVER? It’s not too late to realise that we are all small parts of one humanity.

Below I have copied a letter written in October 1944 by Zalmen Gradowski shortly before he was killed in a revolt at Auschwitz. Please read it. And then thank whatever god you believe in that you will never have to witness anything similar.


Dear reader, I am writing these words in the hour of my greatest despair. I neither know nor believe I will ever reread these lines after the "storm" that is to come. Who knows whether one day I will have the satisfaction of revealing to the world the profound secret I carry in my heart? Who knows whether I will ever see or speak to a "free" man again? Perhaps these lines will be the only witnesses to the life I once lived.
But I will be content if my account reaches you, a free citizen of the world. Perhaps a spark from the fire that burns inside me will ignite within you and you will accomplish our shared desire. You will take vengeance, vengeance on the murderers! Esteemed discoverer of this account! I am writing to make this request of you: that some meaning is given to my condemned existence. That my infernal days, my futureless tomorrow will be of some use in times to come.
I am describing only a tiny part, the very minimum, of what has happened in this hell that is Auschwitz-Birkenau. I have written many other things. I think you will at least find their traces, and from all that you will gain some idea of how the children of our race were murdered.
In the large room, deep underground, 12 pillars support the weight of the building, harshly lit by electric light. Along the walls, benches and hooks await the victims' clothes. A sign advises the victims in several languages that they are now in the "baths" and they must remove their clothes so they can be cleaned. We find ourselves there with them and look at each other, petrified. They know, they understand. These are not baths. This room is the corridor of death, the antechamber to the grave.
The room fills and refills with people relentlessly. More convoys of new victims continue to arrive and the "room" continues to swallow them. We all stand there in a daze, unable to say a word to them. It's not the first time. We have already received many such convoys and seen many similar scenes ...
We are all stupefied ... They study us with dark, deep, saucer-like eyes ... We watch them compassionately, because we can already see a different scene, a scene of horror. In a few hours all these beating lives, these lively worlds, all this hubbub will be rigid and lifeless ...
I stand here next to a group of 10 or 15 women, knowing that it won't be long before their bodies end up in a wheelbarrow of ashes. No trace will be left of those who were here, so many of them, enough to fill entire towns. They will be wiped out, eradicated. It will be as if they were never born.
Our hearts are rent by pain. We feel and suffer the torments of the journey from life to death along with them ... You have to harden your heart, dull all sensitivity, stifle all feelings of grief. ... You have to become an automaton, seeing nothing, feeling nothing, knowing nothing.
Your arms and legs set to work, a group of comrades, each charged with his own task ... Bodies are pulled and dragged from the tangle, one by the foot, another by the hand, however you can. You would think that they would be torn limb from limb by all the tugging this way and that.
The corpse is dragged across the icy, dirty cement and the beautiful polished alabaster body sweeps all the mud and grime along with it. The soiled corpse is seized and laid out, face upwards, outside. Two frozen eyes fix upon you, as if asking, "What are you going to do with me, brother?"...
Three men are there to prepare the body. One has a cold pair of pincers that he thrusts into the beautiful mouth, looking for the treasure of a gold tooth, which he pulls out, flesh and all. The second uses his scissors to shear their curls, stripping them of their natural crowns. The third grabs roughly grabs their earrings, often dashed with blood, and uses the pincers to force off any rings which resist removal.
Now it's up to the goods lift. Two men pile the bodies like logs on the platform and once seven or eight have been loaded a signal is given and the lift rises ... Up there, next to the lift, are four more men. On one side, two of them drag the bodies to the "reserve pile". The other two haul them straight to the crematoria. They lay them out in pairs in front of the mouth of each furnace.
Children are heaped at the side then added afterwards, thrown on top of each pair of adults. The corpses are piled on each other on the iron stretcher, the mouth of Gehenna is opened and the stretcher pushed in. The infernal fires reach out their tongues like open arms, seizing the body like a precious treasure. The hair catches light first. The skin swells and blisters, bursting open after a few seconds.
Arms and legs twist, veins and nerves seize up and cause the limbs to jerk. By now the whole body is ablaze, the skin splits open, fat spills out and you hear the fire sizzle. You can no longer make out the body, just a furnace of hellish fire that is feeding on something at its centre. The stomach bursts. The intestines and entrails pour out and within a few minutes no trace remains. The head takes longer to burn. Two little blue flames flash in the eye-sockets, consuming the brain and everything within, and the tongue chars in the mouth. The whole process takes 20 minutes, a body, a world, is reduced to dust ...
We had already seen hundreds of thousands of young, robust, vigorous lives pass before our eyes; from Russia, from Poland and from Hungary-and ... not one had tried to resist or put up a fight. They went like lambs to the slaughter. In six months, there were only two exceptions. During a convoy from Bialystock, a brave young man launched himself upon the guards with knives and stabbed several of them before being killed as he escaped.
The second incident was ... that of the "Warsaw convoy". They were from Warsaw who had taken American citizenship; some of them had been born in America. They were supposed to be transferred to an internment camp in Germany then eventually to Switzerland where they would be placed in the care of the Red Cross.
But instead of doing so, the great and "civilised" powers-that-be had them brought to the crematoria here. It was at this point that a heroic young woman, a dancer, committed an act of great bravery. Seizing the revolver of Kwakernak, the head of the camp's political section, she used it to shoot Schillinger, a notoriously nasty character. Her act inspired the other brave women with her, who launched bottles and other missiles at those savage, rabid animals, the uniformed SS.

©2005 Independent News & Media (UK) Ltd.

I can see it!! I'm a believer....

This week's 'can you see the face of Jesus in this ordinary, everyday item' is bought to us by Douglas in Cleveland.

Kids

What's the betting this kid has no friends?

Lucian, who attends Highgate Junior School, spends several hours a week reading through the encyclopaedia's 32 volumes.

Don't you just want to slap him?

I do have some sympathy with these two though.

Two boys, ages 9 and 10, were charged with felonies and taken away from school in handcuffs, accused of making violent drawings of stick figures. The boys were arrested Monday on charges of making a written threat to kill or harm another person, a second-degree felony. The special education students used pencil and red crayon to draw primitive stick figure scenes on scrap paper that showed a 10-year-old classmate being stabbed and hung, police said.

26% of people who have voted (right panel) think it is an appropriate course of action. So lets get this straight, gun ownership is fine but drawing stick figures is evil and wrong? They're just kids - is it not the society in which they are growing up that should be examined?

Animations

This is splendid! Click the x16 button to speed it up.

The main index is here.

It needn’t be hell..

But it is.

I promise not to turn into one of Bill Hicks’ black hearted, anti-smoking nazis and I know that non-smokers die every day, but I’m quitting. I’ve listened to my body and it’s screaming at me. My chest hurt so badly this morning that I thought one of my lungs had been stolen in the night. I guess it’s just 20+ a day for 20+ years.

Consulted my old friend and drinking buddy Dr Septic Nib who advised speaking to a pharmacist. A good chance to share my misery thought I, so popped into Tesco on the way home and spoke to a very sweet young lady about the various patches and potions that I hope will assist me in this Herculean task. Settled on Nicorette gum, a bargain at £3.95 for 15 high strength nicotine substitutes. Very reasonable. What are Bensons, £4.60 a pack? I remember saying I’d quit when they passed £1.50.

They’re supposed to be mint flavour. Ha. I can only assume that the chemist who developed the flavouring (and it could only have been chemically created) has never actually tasted mint. Rather, the taste has been described to him or her by a sadistically backward 5 year old with a less that comprehensive grasp of even basic English. That or a vocabulary so far beyond mine that I am in awe, for I’m utterly at a loss to describe what they taste like. Horrible is the first inadequate word that springs to mind. But it does get rid of those nasty “I want to kill everybody” cravings so it’s a small price. I suppose.

I could have murdered all South West Trains employees earlier. Have been in the city today, but got an early finish so headed for home at a decent time. The train rocked merrily to Datchet, the stop before mine and then didn’t budge. Eventually there was a tannoy announcement – “We apologise for the delay, but there is a swan on the line. Swans are protected species so we are not allowed to run them over, but a regional manager is on his way.” A regional manager? Surely all you have to do is shout a bit and wave your arms around? Does it really take a manager to shoo a swan off a track. I’d have scared the ‘king thing away with a dirty look after a few minutes.

B@st@rds.

Victory

The mighty English Cricket machine rolls on. With a draw in Centurion we win a series in South Africa for the first time in 40 years. I’m sure Michael Vaughan will be looking in later today so a massive HURRAH to him and the team. With only 185 runs needed to win the test off 44 overs, there must have been a temptation to go for broke and win this final test, but the series was more important, and it was a great decision to take things easy and play it safe.

I’m also impressed that, for once, the ECB have taken the sensible decision to send Andrew Flintoff back to the UK in order to get his ankle fixed; he sees a specialist on Friday. Freddie needs surgery on a bone spur, and the recovery time is estimated to be 3-4 months, so with the Ashes series starting in July time is tight. Australia, even in England, will be a massive challenge. They have been at the top of the test rankings for far too long though. Confidence on both sides will be high, and I think everyone is looking forward to a competitive, well balanced series, with of course an English victory.

I’ll see you at The Oval.

Not in their name.

What is the most powerful political force in the world? Or to phrase the question another way who are the most powerful people in any nation? Think about it. It’s not a trick question. Who holds the most power in any country? The monarch? The President or Prime Minister? The leaders of the central banks or the so called captains of industry? Trade unionists, activists, terrorists even?

All wrong.

It’s the people – the masses, you and me. One of the first maxims I learned when I started studying politics and political theory years ago was “You get the leaders you deserve.” What this means is that if you’re apathetic and don’t really care or pay any attention to the political sphere of your surroundings, then you have no right to complain if an idiot becomes leader. Or if your rights start getting eroded and the system takes a turn in a sinister direction. Tough matey. You let it happen by doing nothing.

Look at Ukraine for example. Their election in December was a sham. A complete farce. The people realised this and they stood up in huge numbers and protested. It was impossible for the corrupt officials to ignore this protest and a new election was called. This led to Viktor Yushchenko becoming President last week.
Compare that with Russia. The UN said the election there was also a sham. Putin jailed his main opponent a few weeks before the election. The people for whatever reason just got on with their lives. It’s difficult to compare the two of course due to the size of Russia and the turmoil it’s been through over the last century, but you get the picture. Putin has now sold the rights to Russia’s vast oil and gas deposits to his mates. Trebles all round. And roubles.

A better example could be the US. Bush won his first election last December. The 2000 election that saw him declared leader was a sham. One of Bush’s cousins, a political analyst on Fox News declared result for fox sake. Washington Post reporters, using the Freedom of Information Act obtained all of the disputed Florida ballots and proved that Bush LOST Florida. Gore should have been president. The rest of the liberal media moaned and created a bit of a fuss, but on the whole the people did nothing. The rest is history of course. Clinton’s budget surplus of $240 billion is approaching a deficit of $1 trillion. Tax cuts for the rich and an illegal, immoral war in Iraq are the main reasons. Enron collapsed throwing thousands onto America’s creaking (soon to be privatised) social security system, and wiping out the life savings of the majority of employees who owned shares. Has there been massive corporate reform in the US – have a guess. There was plenty of vote irregularity last year and a few brave politicians stood up to challenge the result, but the Bush family is too powerful, it’s web to broad for anything to stop the juggernaut rolling on. Four more years. Four more wars? Four more tax cuts for the rich? Four more constitutional rights taken away? We shall see.

So this cheers me up no end. It is a Statement of Conscience and a Pledge of Resistance to be signed by ordinary Americans who do want to say ENOUGH. (thanks Muzz) I’m obviously English so can’t sign it, but if I can help them by getting even one American citizen to sign, I’ll sleep more soundly.

We live on a small planet. Bush is harming all of us. We all have to let him know that he cannot continue to get away with it.

Then, we can have a good look at Mr Bliar……

You're a WHAT??

I was in the RAF years ago, made a man of me and all that. My full trade was Aircraft Engineering Technician (Airframes/ Propulsion). The use of the word ‘Technician’ was crucial, indicating I had been through an extensive training programme; it differentiated me from mere ‘mechanics’ much lower down the food chain. The fact I was duel trade (Airframes/Propulsion) further indicated that I’d completed a 3 year apprenticeship before I was allowed on a front line aircraft. So the word Technician has a very specific meaning in my mind. It is connected with a deep knowledge and understanding of the subject matter.
There is a tanning/beauty salon next door to my office. This afternoon an A4 poster has gone up in the window saying;

Wanted

Nail Technician

What the ….. Nail Technician? Nail TECHNICIAN? What the chuff does one of them do? Have fingernails got some complex fuel management system of which I am unaware? Are there plenum chambers? Afterburners?

I’m sure being a ‘nail technician’ brings its own challenges. One must have to spend at least an entire afternoon training in the use of nail files, buffing boards, paint and polish, and I'm sure they all take their jobs very seriously. But does it merit the title technician? Really?

Phylos wept.

Heaven?

Have you ever wondered if you will make it into heaven?

Take this test and find out where you're heading in the afterlife.

No prizes for guessing where i'm off.

Hubble

As I’ve already mentioned I’m a huge fan of space exploration. So I was disappointed to read in The Independent today that budget cuts in the US could see the end of the Hubble space telescope. I guess when it comes to a choice between an illegal war which keeps the price of gasoline down, and something that increases our understanding of the universe adding a value to the sum of human knowledge that cannot be quantified in dollars, the price of gas wins hands down.

There are some beautiful images from Hubble here.

Bunny suicides

Brilliant!!

Freddie!!!

He’s had a quiet series by his own standards, but today Freddie played a blinder. Although the man’s been taking wickets, his batting had been ordinary, but with 77 runs today he’s given England every chance of snatching an improbable win in the final test. With 8 wickets remaining, South Africa are still 53 runs behind. A good nights sleep and a spell of aggressive bowling tomorrow could leave us needing some one day type batting tomorrow to win a series in SA for the first time since 1964/65. I believe that was Boycott’s first overseas tour. Let’s hope they do it just to shut him up!!

Retail Therapy

Shopping for stuff you don’t really need is so much more interesting than the weekly trawl round Tesco, dodging loose children with armfuls of sweets their parents are going to make them take back. It’s even better if you don’t spend any money! I quit my job just before Xmas. It was just time to move on. My last day was a week ago last Friday. I was touched to get some Virgin Vouchers and book tokens. So, yesterday I took a wander out to spend them. This is what I got;

Black Books, Boxed Set Series 1 & 2

Isn’t Black Books just one of the funniest thing that’s been on TV for ages? If I won the lottery and could just do something as a pastime rather than needing to make a living, I’d have a bookshop. It would probably only open between midday and one every other Saturday, but it would be mine.

Morrissey – You are the Quarry.

Morrissey has been a hero for longer than I care to remember. I was driving to work some time ago and Hand in Glove was being played on the radio. As it ended the DJ said “That’s Hand in Glove from The Smiths, released 20 years ago today.” It cut me like a knife, I felt very old. Before The Smiths I was a rancid head-banger. After I was a Wilde reading dandy. Since The Smiths split in 88, Morrissey has sort of meandered. His first solo album was as good as any Smiths release and spawned some great singles – Every Day is Like Sunday for example. Then came some mediocrity, he moved to LA and many thought that would be it. Last year though he popped up in an hour long TV documentary, looking and sounding like his old self. His humour is misunderstood by many and he can be pompous, but after the release of Irish Blood, English Heart the fact that he still had to say, and hadn’t lost his poetic way of saying it was clear. It’s good to have him back.

Tommy – Richard Holmes

The First World War fascinates me and I’m not entirely sure why. Most books on the war (like John Keegan’s superb The First World War) focus on the high level facts and figures, how and why it happened, the ebb and flow of the battles, the appalling brutality of it all. This book is slightly different. Holmes has studied the personal effects, diaries and papers of hundreds of the ordinary troops in the trenches. As he says “There is something unutterably poignant about a diary entry written by somebody who didn’t know whether he would be alive to eat his supper that day.” Indeed there is. From these papers he pieces together what the day to day life was like for ‘Tommy Atkins’ on the front line. It’s dreadfully moving, and makes you wonder how anyone returned to a normal life after witnessing something like

.. a bridge, composed of a compact mass of human bodies over which I gingerly stepped. I was not at all squeamish, the sight of dead men having lost its terror for me, but making use of corpses, even enemy corpses, for bridge building purposes seemed about the limits of callousness.

It’s hard to disagree.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my vouchers.

Shed

Below is a picture of a ladder I keep in my shed.
It's not my real ladder though; it's my step ladder.

Ladder 

Bash 3

This is quite simply the most succinct description of office life I have ever seen...

The office is like a tree full of monkeys trying to climb up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes...

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.

On a much lighter note, I’m getting increasingly optimistic about the new Hitchhiker’s film. I suppose I’ve been a bit precious about it. I’m old enough to remember Douglas Adam’s original radio series, written while he was a script writer for Tom Baker’s Dr Who (the best Dr by the way). The books are of course legendary, and the TV series was superb, but when have Hollywood even made a decent version of a cult book? (Discuss)

But Adams wrote the original draft script for the film before he died. Then there was some inspired casting, Martin Freeman as Dent, Bill Nighy as Slartibartfast for example and now this. Stephen Fry is to play the voice of the Guide. Isn’t that just perfect!!

There’s no fun in fundamentalism.

Where do these people get off? A second Christian group is investigating whether the BBC discriminated against Christians by showing Jerry Springer - The Opera.

This follows Christian Voice’s launching of an action last week. I appreciate the Christian’s taking care of our moral standards, I really do, but can I speak and think for myself please?? It’s obvious that groups like The Christian Institute have to speak for their members, because they are all brainwashed sheep, but I’m not. I’m a reasoned individual who can watch Jerry Springer, enjoy it, and get on with my life. I’m a grown up you see. I can watch violent shows without going out and beating people as well. Really I can, and so can millions of other people. I think that will come as massive shock to fundamental Christian groups like the two above who are so used to dealing with their own shallow, empty-headed followers that they think we must all be like that. (I know I'm repeating myself but it makes me so angry.)

Isn’t religion all about tolerance and ‘doing unto others as you would have them do unto you’? It was Christian Voice that posted the phone numbers of BBC producers on it’s website, leading to some of them getting death threats. How moral is that? Can I now threaten them with death if they fail to see the truth in my writing? I celebrate the fact people disagree with me, bring it on, lets debate things like mature, well rounded adults.

We live in a multi-cultural society, open to all and that should be celebrated. But look what Christian Voice has to say about Hinduism. Draw your own conclusions.

As the nation’s broadcaster the BBC are right to challenge us now and again. Do we really want cosy non-offensive TV shows? Do we want 24 hours of This Morning type, all is well with the world, everybody’s happy TV. Or do we want to be made to think? Think for OURSELVES?

Airbus A380.

Did people see the launch of the new Airbus 380 yesterday? What a beast – It’s HUGE . More here.

I used to be an aircraft engineer, 6 years RAF then 4 years in civilian life building bits and pieces for a variety of aircraft, including the older Airbus’. I suppose I still have a fascination for all things aeronautic, though I will confess to being a bit of a wuss when it comes to actually flying.

There are a couple of things that are impressive about the A380. First the sheer scale of it. The 747 carries about 440 passengers, a normally configured A380 will carry 550 and have bars, a cinema, double beds (no sniggering at the back please), a casino even. In sardine mode it will carry 880. That’s more people than watched Southampton play in the whole of December. Where Boeing have, with their 7E7, gone down the route of smaller aircraft able to fly to pretty much any commercial airport, Airbus have gone for an aircraft taking large numbers to the major ‘hub’ airports, to be ferried onto the smaller ones.

Next, the technology involved is, as you would expect absolutely cutting edge. Aircraft are evolving again. I was pretty stunned when BA announced that they were scrapping the Concord last year. OK it was old, small and never made a profit but wasn’t it beautiful? Wasn’t it the only supersonic passenger plane in the world? What a lack of imagination and vision when it was dumped. Can anyone think of another time that technology has gone backwards? Will Ford stop making the GT and start making the Model T again? Will they heck. Thank god there is still some vision in the aircraft industry.

It really should mean that Europe takes over from the US as the big player in aircraft manufacture.

A380 

Round Up

A summary of things that have caught my eye today.

At entirely the other end of the scale to the splendid scientists pushing the boundaries of knowledge, like the Huygens guys below, come researchers who have nothing better to do than tell us stuff we already know. You know the type, years shut away in a room looking at charts and diagrams to come up with “Eating to much and not exercising makes you fat” or “You’re more likely to crash your car if you’re drunk and steering with your feet.” Absolute wastrels, getting thousands of pounds in grants while good people like you and me have to work for a living.

Here’s the latest. A Doctor Cohen, who must have too few patients and too much time has come up with the shattering news that we are all most depressed on Mondays, especially in January. Well thank you for that. Don’t we ALL hate Mondays? Geldof was singing about that decades ago. And all it does in January is rain, we’re all skint and it’s dark when drive to work and dark when we drive home. Only animals who hibernate like January. They wake up briefly, look at their clocks and say “Oh, another 3 months kip, lovely”.

In order to legitimise the research there is even a formula -
1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA where W = Weather, D = Debt, d = Money due in January pay, T = Time since Christmas, Q = Time since failed quit attempt, M = General motivational levels and NA = The need to take action.

Dr Cohen, get a girlfriend or a Playstation.

This is slightly more interesting. It would seem that Admiral Nelson did not wear a patch to hide his blind right eye after all. There was no disfigurement of the eye, so there was no need. No portraits of Nelson painted during his lifetime show a patch, and the statue of him in Trafalgar Square is patch free. It would seem that later portrait painters wanted to accentuate the physical sacrifices he made fighting the Frenchies, so added the patch to highlight the fact he’d been blinded. Then Larry Olivier’s film came along and the patch became fixed in the national consciousness.

Cuba is banning smoking in some public places. Good grief. I’m a smoker, and I know it’s bad for me, I know my lungs look like wet sport sock, I know smoking kills – it says so in big black letters on the pack of Benson’s sat in front of me. But what’s Cuba famous for? Cigars and sticking 2 fingers up at the US for 40 years. Shame on you Fidel.

And finally, Exeter v manyoo has just kicked off at the ‘real’ St James’ Park. The Director of Football at Exeter is Steve Perryman, former Spurs captain and legend. Mind you, if Liam Brady were DoF I’d still be supporting Exeter. That’s the lovely thing about the FA Cup isn’t it, all football fans across the nation uniting and praying together as one that manyoo will lose. And they’ve just gone a goal up. Time for one of my anti-predictions. Manyoo will win this tie comfortably.

And finally, finally have we all stopped laughing at yesterday’s result yet? Wasn’t Traore's own goal brilliant!?!?!? "Oh, look at me I’m in the Premiership, look at my silky ball skills, oh hang on……… b0ll0cks."

Literary Lunches

I've posted the picture below because I can!! I'm the good looking chap in the blue shirt and that's Will Self next to me. The picture was taken when Will met me late last year at the BBC's studio in Aldwych, London. It was at the recording of Radio 4's Book Club, when an author discusses one of his books with a small group of readers. We were discussing How The Dead Live, his last novel.
The narrator of the book is Lily Bloom, and wonderfully cantankerous soul. Sadly she has breast cancer which kills her fairly soon into the book. In Will's imagination, the dead don't go to heaven or hell but to Dulston, a non-descript London borough. Death doesn't mellow her on little bit and with her lithopedion, she takes to following her children around, commenting on their lives and loves, while she gets used to being dead and the petty bureaucracy that goes with it. Just read it.

I'm going back the week after next to meet another one of my literary heroes. More of that closer to the time though.

Will Self 

Ohhhhh Betty

I ranted about Christians and their hypocrisy earlier. Betty Bowers encapsulates all that and is a splendid bit of satire.

Surprise!!

As Bill would have said, "Who'd have thunk it?"

Fla. Woman Falls To Death Attempting Handstand On Hotel Balcony

Molly Jerman, 23, of Cape Coral died Sunday. While attempting a handstand, she toppled over and dropped to the hotel patio, according to the Lee County sheriff's department.
Just before she fell, she had called out to a friend, "Watch to see what I can still do," a police report said.

It would have been funny anyway, but the fact she boasted about her gymnastic ability immediately prior to the fall is just perfect.

Crimewatch.

There was another article in the Sunday papers yesterday about the latest rise in ‘high-tech’ crime. The main two are the so called ‘phishing’, when you get sent an email from what looks like your bank, telling you there has been a security alert and that you need to click on a link and enter all your security codes; and identity theft where a crim scours through your bins looking for bank statements, credit card bills, payslips etc, and then fraudulently uses your personal information to open up new accounts.

Phishing is pretty easy to stop – just remember that banks will never ask for all your security information in one hit, just random characters. If you are in any doubt just ignore the email or phone your bank. They all have cyber crime units so they may ask you to forward the email on. I got one a couple of weeks ago from the Wells Fargo Bank. Seeing as that is a US bank, and I’m in the UK it was pretty easy to spot as a fake. I’d never even heard of the Wells Fargo bank. Isn’t it something to do with the Wild West?

Identity theft is harder to stop as we all get so much junk mail now, the majority of which just goes straight in the bin, so you don’t even notice if it has your credit card account number or whatever printed on it. The official advice is to shred everything, but you may not have access to a shredder and don’t want to spend £20 at Office World. So can I suggest an alternative? As I’ve said below, Billie doesn’t like the outside too much, so I have to put a litter tray down to prevent any little accidents. Instead of emptying the tray into a bag before dropping it into my wheelie bin outside, I just drop the contents straight in. I’ve been doing that for 2 years – right through that really hot summer last year. You can smell my wheelie bin from ten paces. It’s horrid. Horrid, horrid, horrid. Anyone who is prepared to stick their head into that can have my credit card details. They’ll have earned it. If you don’t have a cat, leave me a comment and I’ll mail you a couple of pound of premium cat cr@p. It’s really the only solution.

This has been a public service announcement.

We Won!!

My anti predictions did the trick!! England pulled off a splendid victory over South Africa this afternoon to take a 2-1 lead in the series. The BBC headline is suitably grandiose Hero Hoggard crushes South Africa. Marcus Trescothick scored 180, then Hoggard took the Bok's batsmen apart ending with 18.3 - 5 - 61 - 7. The ball he dismissed Rudolph with is as good as any I've ever seen. Top job!!

A happy bowler. 

Will

Below is Will, isn't he a lovely looking chap! His markings remind me of Batman's cowl; he is a feline crime fighter. Poor lad's been out all day today. I got home from work and he was sat on the roof of my neighbour's BMW looking stroppy. I think the rain must have obscured the Cat Signal.

Will 

Thank you.

I just want to say thanks to Rhonda at StatCounter for helping me to install the code for a hit counter. Thank you.

Billie

The picture below is my cat Billie. She is to be honest a bit of a wet lettuce, but I love her and Will my adpoted cat, who is presently outside playing. Billie doesn't like the cold too much so tends to stay inside between October and April. She hates the fact that I have been spending so much time sat in front of the PC tinkering with the blog, and has started demanding attention!

Bobbins 

Prophecy

I think I must be some sort of anti-prophet. Yesterday I commented that Spurs were no longer letting in late goals, and they concede in the 90th minute. Then I said that Herschelle Gibbs would punish England for dropping him in the final over yesterday. This morning he only added 25 before being caught by Hoggard off Jimmy Anderson, and South Africa were all out for 419 a lead of only 8.

So I have some new predictions.

Chelski, Ars*n@l and manyoo will remain unbeaten for the rest of the season, but Tottenham Hotspur will lose every match and finish bottom.

In the current test match, the English batting will collapse, their bowling will be a disgrace and they will lose the test by over 1,000 runs. In the final test at Centurion Park, England will be the first team ever to score 0 in both innings and the players will be forced to return home in disguise to avoid a stoning.

An entirely new team will then not be selected for the series against Australia this coming summer and the series will be lost 2-3. The two tests we don't win will be at Lords where I will not score a double century in both innings and Headingley where I’ll come nowhere near beating Jim Laker’s test record of 19-90 against Australia in 1956, by not taking all 20 wickets for 4 runs (all wides) without bowling a ball.

The people of England certainly won't rise up as one and declare me President of a new English Republic. I will not rule for less than a week, and will be forgotten by history as an evil, mean spirited leader who failed to bring about a new era of peace and prosperity throughout the world.

It’s not going to happen, oh yes.

Hypocrite

I just love the picture below. It's Donald Rumsfeld shaking hands with Saddam Hussein when he visited Iraq in the early 80's. He was selling Hussein weapons on behalf of then president Ronald Reagan. That picture should have been on every Democratic election poster, advert and broadcast during the US election campaign.

Hypocrite 

Iraq prison abuse 'leader' jailed

A US soldier found guilty of abusing prisoners at Abu Ghraib jail near Baghdad has been sentenced to 10 years in jail.

Spc Charles Graner, regarded as the ringleader at the centre of the abuse scandal, also received a dishonourable discharge from the US army.


I’m sure you all remember this. Graner is the chap who, with Pte Lynndie England and others were responsible for those disgraceful pictures we saw last year.

In the run up to the war in Iraq, Bush & Bliar sold the invasion to a sceptical public (sceptical in the UK anyway where the vast majority of people understand that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11) by declaring that Iraq was a ‘clear and present’ danger to the West, through the restarting of a weapons programme in the mid 90’s. As the invasion ended and the occupation began, the search for Saddam Hussein’s WMD began in earnest. The search quietly ended last September and nothing was found. Oddly the US government only formally announced the search had ended last week, but I’m sure this timing had nothing to do with the US election.

The only substantial weapons cache in Iraq was the 370 tons of RDX high explosive which UN weapons inspectors had warned the US was in a warehouse in Al Qaqaa. The US military ignored this warning and the explosive material was stolen. All of it. The investigation into the Lockerbie terrorist attack in 1998 found that about 14 ounces of RDX was used to bring down Pan Am 103, a huge Boeing 747. And the US, through negligence, ignorance or arrogance lost 370 TONS. What a strange way to make the world a safer place.

Once it become clear that the WMD excuse was an empty lie, Bush and Bliar changed their story and we began to be fed all sorts of tales about Hussein’s human rights abuses, of what a monster he was and how the West had a duty to remove people like him. Of course, they didn’t mean all dictators or all oppressive regimes or they’d have invaded Saudi Arabia as well. And maybe done something about Mugabe.

If you preach human rights & justice you have to practise it as well.

I was fundamentally opposed to the invasion. I went on all the marches, wrote to Ministers, preached to my friends and colleagues at the injustice and immorality of it all but to no avail. Bliar is pathologically concerned with his place in history (according to Robin Cook no less) and wars are always a good way of getting into the set texts. Now, if nothing else at least the history books will remember that Britain’s biggest ever political demonstration was against him. Sleep tight Tony. I am also something of a pragmatist though, and once the occupation was as complete as it will ever be I decided that I’d just be quiet and let the politicians get on with it.

Then the Abu Ghraib pictures exploded onto the scene. At a stroke the occupying forces lost any and all moral authority. The only solution became to leave. We gave the Iraqi people their freedom; now let them decide their destiny. Prior to World War 1 Iraq was formed of three provinces Mosul, Baghdad, and Basra. They were broadly Kurdish, Sunni and Shia regions, exactly the same factions scrapping it out today. So why not let Iraq revert back to that? The map of the Balkans is now very similar to that prior to WW1, and ethnic tensions there have been reduced as a result. It would require some imagination and inspired leadership of course, but that may be easier to find in Baghdad than in Washington or London.

I thought it fascinating that Graner’s main defence was that he was simply “following orders”. This may be true and I doubt the full story of the US government’s culpability in allowing the abuses to happen will ever be known. But the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials declared the defence of only following orders null and void after WW2. And who led those trials? Why The US and UK. What an unhappy irony.

Does 10 years sound about right? It will depend partially on what sentences others charged with similar offences get, but I think it’s a reasonable penalty. It was important to show justice being done, but also important that Graner is not made a scapegoat for the whole sorry affair. At least he will not spend any of the sentence at Abu Ghraib being humiliated, or having dogs set upon him.

Bolton 1-0 Ars*n@l & 4th Test Update

This softens the blow a little!

Chelski are now 10 points clear of the gooners and 11 points above manyoo. It's still too early to say the championship is theirs, but they'll need to lose 4 games to give anyone else a chance and I can't see it happening. My beloved Spurs are 8th, 1 point behind Charlton though their g/d is -6 and ours is +6 so a draw next week could see us go back to 7th. In the great scheme of things, there's no shame in 8th, especially as we're only 3 point behind Liverpool.

Not great news from Johannesburg either, where after batting for 2 days to score 411-8 dec, England bowled like a bunch of girls and South Africa ended the third day on 306-6. It was a brave declaration from Vaughan, especially as he was only 18 runs short of a much needed century. It looked a bit damp this morning and he must have felt the ball would swing about a bit. Maybe if the bowling had been any good it would have done. I can't help thinking some of the blame must lie with the people at Lords who scheduled the tour. There simply were not enough 3 or 4 day games before the start of the test series. Robert Key hadn't batted in anger for 24 days before Thursday, and did well to score 83 after a shaky start. It was even worse for James Anderson who hadn't bowled for 48 days before today. His figures of 1-84 off 21 overs tell the tale. Steve Harmison, the world's best bowler in 2004 looked well out of sorts and ended the day with 0-25 off 12.5 overs, and only Matty Hoggard looked in the least bit threatening, but his 4 wickets cost him 101. Herschelle Gibbs did the work for SA ending the day on 136 n/o. There is and old, old cricket saying that 'catches win watches' and Gibbs was dropped off the penultimate ball of the day. He could make us pay for that tomorrow.

Batsmen tend to get the glory in Test cricket, with great knocks like Mike Atherton's 185 at this ground in 1996, being remembered over the feats of bowlers. Headingley 1981 will always be remembered for Botham's 149 and it was a splendid innings, but if Bob Willis hadn't taken 8-43 off only 15.1 overs in the 4th innings we would have lost the match. And despite the 411 runs scored on Thursday and Friday, unless the English bowlers can take 14 wickets in the next 2 days, we'll not win here.

Tottenham 0-2 Chelsea

I'm never going to write a post about Spurs before the match again. Never.

we do seem to have lost that nasty habit of conceding goals in the last 10 minutes

And what happens? Frank Lampard scores his second in injury time.

Bash 2

I not going to post the text of this Bash entry but I read it and laughed so hard I've dribbled coffee down my shirt. NSFW

I really hope the chap who ate the brownies (below) reads it.

A bomb that does WHAT?

This is one of those stories that needs filing in the "you couldn't possibly make it up" section.

The US military investigated building a "gay bomb", which would make enemy soldiers "sexually irresistible" to each other, government papers say.

I'm truly lost for something to say!

Pour Speeling

The folks at one of the MBs on which I post know me as something of a spelling and grammar Nazi. I just can’t help it. Poor English winds me up like no other thing. Random use of there, their and they’re or the use of your when it should be you’re make me seethe with rage. My compact OED sits permanently by my computer even though I tend to write my posts in Word and copy them over. One day I’m going to find the £2,000 needed to buy the full 20 volume edition.
But I’m just never happy. I think every post on this site has been revised at least twice since going up as I’ve decided that a particular word here isn't quite right, or that a sentence structure there is a little awkward.

When I managed a team of pension review administrators, any CVs I received which contained even a single spelling mistake went straight into the bin regardless of the qualifications or other merits of the applicant. My favourite mistake was from an applicant for a junior position helping with the file management. I was looking for a school leaver whom I could mould into an image of myself. This particular girl had worked in McDonalds where she received something called “An Excellent Guest Service Award”. Sadly her CV stated that she had received and Excellent Guset Service Award. Lovin’ It I certainly was not.

So this is inexcusable. A Minnesota School Board sent out a brochure to parents which contained a glaring spelling mistake on the front page. THE FRONT PAGE!! The school superintendent said that “at least six pairs of eyes proofread the catalog, but no one caught the error.” As if that makes it any better. That makes it worse!!! The average IQ of that particular school board must be distinctly room temperature.

Incidentally as I’m drafting this in Word, the language set naturally enough to English(UK) the word calalog is glaring at me angrily.

It’s catalogue America, catalogue.

See me after the lesson.

D-. Very Poor. 

You Spurs!!!

Later today Spurs play Chelsea at White Hart Lane. It's not a match I'm optimistic about as Spurs haven't beaten Chelsea in 29 league matches, a run of bad form going back 15 years; we did beat them 5-1 in the League Cup though, back in 2001. We've not lost for our last 8 games (league and cup), but our form in London derbies this season is terrible, having managed only 2 draws and 3 defeats. No wins. December was a great month, so good that Martin Jol has been awarded manager of the month, and we got 13 points out of 15. But as everyone knows, this is often the kiss of death. We need to start quickly and get a goal before the break, as we're not good at coming from behind, although we do seem to have lost that nasty habit of conceding goals in the last 10 minutes. We could go 6th if we win, but Chelsea will stay top no matter what, so maybe they'll relax.

And maybe not.

Come on you Spurs!!

Huygens 2

Below are the first two pictures to be transmitted back from Titan. The lower one is the surface of Titan from about 10 miles up, while the top one is the actual surface of Titan. Aren't they just great?

Anyone who can get BBC2, should switch on now, as a live programme from Mission Control is just beginning.



Picture Credits: ESA/NASA/University of Arizona

Landing 

Ten miles up 

Evolve God dam you!

I used to be a Christian. Not a tub thumping, bible bashing, proselytizing Christian but more a quiet believer, who drew strength from the communion of faith. But life happend (I'll post some stories one day) and I started to question things. Then I got to spend some time in Israel, where even at the basilica over the site of the (supposed) birth of Christ the 3 christian faiths who jointly look after it cannot get on. They bicker constantly like teenage girls. After that I saw religion in a new very much more cynical light. I now consider organised religions to be nothing more than self serving cults. And, as there is no more passionate anti-smoker than one who once smoked, so it is with christians and former christians.

A particular dislike of mine is the way Jesus loving fundamental christians think they have the right to speak for all of us and to impose their values onto the greater population. A good axample of this is their complaining when the BBC screened Jerry Springer - The Opera last weekend. The BBC received 47,000 complaints before the programme was even shown. There's nothing like weighing up your opinion of the basis of the evidence is there? They are all sheep, bleating down the aisles, dropping their lovely fivers into the collection box as they go. After the show the BBC received 900 more complaints and 500 calls or emails of support. I felt like writing a letter to the Church Times with diagrams of all the UK's most popular makes of TV and big arrows pointing to the OFF buttons. As I don't especially like religion I stay out of church. I don't go to a church and moan afterwards that they talked a load of rubbish.

An equally good example is the debate over evolution. I've read many of the christian books and pamphlets debunking evolution and they all share one thing. They are all full of crap. Absolutelty stuffed with it. So it amazes me that there are still parts of the US where evolution is not taught. Not even as an alternative to creationism. Do you see what I mean? Aren't christians broad minded?
What are they scared of? How insecure in their faith must they be if they can do no better than stick their fingers in their ears and go 'la la la la la la' when their beliefs are questioned? So this story filled me with great joy. Text books in Atlanta schools have recently contained stickers saying

This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered.

Now these stickers are to be removed and science can be taught as just that - science. Science evolves just like (most) people. Theories come and go, opinions change. That's part of its fascination. It isn't dogma like religion. We know sod all about the nature of the universe really. Get a dozen physicists in a room and a fight is bound to start over something, but physics isn't taught with an overlay of "Well it's all just a lot of words isn't it? God holds the world together and orders the sun and the stars".

Let's try to keep god in the churches. I'll make my own choices and decisions thanks.

Oedipus

The reason I was in the north of England (see below) is that I took a Classics degree at The University of Leeds

Classics is a beautiful subject. The Greeks were first with so many of the intellectual, philosophical, artistic and even scientific things that we take for granted today. I'm very precious about it.

My favourite piece of literature from the period is Sophocles' Oedipus Tyrannus written around 425bce. It gives great insight into the concept of hubris; don't mess with the gods, if they will something to happen it's going to happen no matter what you do. Consequently this depresses the crap out of me. (Thanks g_m)

If I was forced to find one positive thing to say about it, I admire the way he got Lou Gehrig in. I wrote an essay on Plato's Republic once and managed to include Th@tcher, Tottenham Hotspur and the miners' strike.

Huygens

The Huygens space probe has sent back its first set of data about Saturn's largest moon, Titan, after landing successfully say space scientists.

Isn't that just brilliant?? We've managed to fly a probe about the size of a Peugeot 206 all the way to Saturn, which is between 1.2 to 1.5 billion kilometers away from earth, uncouple it from its mother ship and land it safely on Titan. It started sending signals back to earth at about 10.30 GMT this morning.

I was born a little over 2 years before the moon landings. When I first went to school there were no pocket calculators or computers. I remember the first guy in my school to get a digital watch, Andy Tomms was his name. It had an LED display that only lit up when you pressed a little button. We'd all crowd round in awe saying press it again, press it again as the little red numbers glowed dimly. Anyone under 35 will think I'm mad about now. My first home computer, and it doesn't really merit the term, was a Sinclair ZX 81 (though my mate Martin had a ZX 80 that I had used). The ZX 81 had 1K of memory. Really!! 1K. (The youngsters are now thinking that I've really gone ga ga). Yet you could get a chess programme for it. And it gave you a proper game as well. This was only 22 or 23 years ago and now we've got this thing out in the far reaches of our solar system, doing all sorts of boffin science stuff, which we'll all be able to read about soon. The Huygens website which will publish the information is here.

My great hero, Bill Hicks used to end his shows thus..

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defences each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would do many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Wouldn't that be just great?

A timely reminder

and an expose of the West's confused morality? (thanks Andy)

Tsunami Showed What World Thinks of Africa

Charles Onyango-Obbo
Nairobi

As last week closed, the amounts of money pledged to deal with the Asian tsunami was nearly $4 billion - and Africa was bewildered and deeply worried.

As the world rushed to help Asia, where the deadly Christmas weekend tsunami wave killed 150,000 people and left millions homeless, there were fears that poor Africa would be forgotten.

If the tsunami had swept across Africa, it would have been nothing short of a miracle if at this point the pledges for help had reached even $250 million.

Yet, there was the strange spectacle of the French-based Medecins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders) appealing to donors to stop flooding it with money for tsunami relief.

The tsunami disaster is scary, but one wonders what a Rwandan genocide survivor thinks of it. Nearly one million people were killed in the 1994 Rwanda genocide, six times the number killed by the Asian tsunami.

The world paid a little attention, but took no action. Why the difference?

This cannot be explained by racism against black people. In fact, if it were racism, it would be good news, because then we could hope that the world would one day change its ways, or even be embarrassed into responding with equal care and generosity to Africa's tragedies.

Rather, this difference reminds us that Africa has been institutionalised in the global mindset as a failure. The result is that the international aid it receives (most of it official development assistance) has become inelastic; it's unlikely to increase no matter the scale of the crisis.

Thirdly, this aid is ritualised. How? Because Africa is presumed to be a failure, it's thought to have no creative energy.

A good African theatre troupe, therefore, will not find global success with a play about love, because it's something the world doubts we can comment sensitively or intelligently on.

The same troupe, however, will have money dropping out of its ears with a play about Aids - because it fits both the stereotype and reality of a diseased continent. In short, we have brought part of it on ourselves.

Irish rock star Bob Geldof, the man who put together the Live Aid concert to raise funds for famine victims in Africa in the 1980s, has appealed to the world not to forget Africa in the rush to help Asia. At the time of the first Live Aid concert, famine was felling thousands of Ethiopians as if they were flies.

Now we have a second Live Aid, to deal with the same problems in Africa. Some of the less sentimental observers have remarked that 24 years later, the poverty and hunger is no better. In fact, if you factor in the progress that the continent should have made over this period and didn't, it is much worse off.

Asia, on the other hand, has come to be associated with progress and improvement over the past 25 years. The bulk of the emerging markets, new "economic tigers," the best examples about fighting poverty, are Asian. In the mind of the average person in the West, the 10 dollars they send to aid tsunami victims will change things for the better.

The intended recipients will receive it. The authorities will rebuild hospitals and roads with it. And entrepreneurs will exploit the inflow of resources to recreate thriving businesses. In Africa? It will go to waste, or be stolen by politicians and every other official who lays their hands on it.

It's something we should be able to understand. If you found a colony of 20 starving beggars on the corner of a Kampala or Nairobi street, and then read in the day's paper the story of the best student in primary school exams, who is looking for money to go on to secondary school because his parents are too poor to afford it, whom are you likely to help?

Most Africans would help the student and let the beggars die, because at least the student is going somewhere.

Charles Onyango-Obbo is managing editor in charge of media convergence at the Nation Media Group.

Copyright allafrica.com

Stop the spam

US state acts to stop 'spammers'

US state Texas has filed a lawsuit against two men believed to be among the world's top five spammers.
It is seeking millions of dollars in damages in a civil lawsuit filed earlier this week.

The Texas attorney general said it started the legal action as messages sent by the alleged spammers broke three laws governing e-mail marketing.

The company named in the lawsuit denied any wrongdoing and said it complied with all relevant laws.

Hurrah for Texas. Sadly, if the chaps are found guilty, the chances are they'll receive huge fines rather than prison terms. I suppose if they cannot afford the fines they may end up inside. We can hope. I'm not an expert on Texan prisons but I doubt they are the nicest of places, although I believe that is the point.

I'd be buying a 'soap on a rope' just in case.

All that build up for such a weak punchline. God i'm bored.

More Harry

I’ll stop banging on about Harry soon I promise, but this is brilliant and goes to prove just how stupid the upper classes in this country really are.
A journalist from the Daily Express was on BBC1’s Question Time last night. She’d spoken to The Sun journalist who got hold of the picture below.
The fool who took the pictures initially approached the paper with a snap of Prince William dressed as a lion. (The theme of the party was Natives & Colonials; these people obviously think we still have an empire. The mind boggles.)
The Sun weren’t too impressed and asked,
“Do you have anything else we may be interested in?”
“Well, I’ve got this one of Harry dressed as a Nazi....”


Oh, and the Duchess of York (another stupid ginger 'royal') has said that Prince Harry does not need to apologise again for wearing a Nazi costume to a party and that criticism of him should stop.

I hope she didn't mean me.

Number 2's

BBC Radio 5 have been running one of those text votes all week to find the best single never to get to Number 1. It is to celebrate the fact that, this Sunday, assuming Elvis is knocked off the top spot (Elvis!!!!), we will have our 1000th Number 1.

Voting is tight at the moment between The Beatles' superb Penny Lane, and that tired 80's dirge Vienna, by Ultravox. Also in the running is the fat dancer from Take That with Angel. Robbie Williams is a talentless tabloid-wh0re. Angel is an over sentimental, formulaic love song favoured by the type of women who wear white stilettos with their track suits, and gave who birth to their first child, Kylie Eileen at the age of 14.

Everything The Beatles did was touched by genius. It didn't always work of course, Within You, Without You on Sgt Pepper is a bit of a struggle, but listen to Vienna with a dispassionate ear and realise what it really is, a tired product of its time, no more worthy of a place in history than Joe Dolce's Shaddap-a Your Face, the song that kept it off the top spot.

I implore anyone who cares about music to text the word PENNY to 85058.
Do it now.

Up up and away

Lovely little game here

See how long you can keep it up.

Scottish Women

If you ever find yourself in Scotland, maybe in a pub and a lovely lady takes a bit of a fancy to you, for the love of god do EXACTLY what she wants.....

Woman Tore off Ex-Lover's Testicle, Court Told

A jilted woman today admitted ripping off her ex-lover’s testicle with her bare hands after he refused to have sex with her.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her ex-boyfriend, 37-year-old Geoffrey Jones, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party.

She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: “That’s yours.

At least he got it back.

And while I'm moaning about the establishment

The Lord Chancellor said that while the costume was a huge mistake, the prince had apologised and we should "leave it at that".


So that's all right then.

Th@tcher

In case you live in a box or outside of the UK, Mark Th@tcher is the son of M@ggie, former British prime minister, and destroyer of all things good. He was recently arrested in his South African home for putting up some of the money for a (alleged) coup in Equatorial Guinea. Great thought I, that tosser will go to prison for a long time and the stress of it all might just kill is mother. (I know it’s wrong to wish the death of another human, so Mags, if you’re reading, only joking – deep down I love the way you systematically destroyed the infrastructure of the UK, privatised all the utilities effectively selling to the public something we already owned, put 4 million people on the dole and created a grubby, nasty, greed culture that is yet to fade. No seriously I do).

But in a strange turn of events a plea bargain has been agreed, and Mark coughs up US$500,000, receives a suspended sentence and is free to scoot off to his great big mansion in Florida.

You can read all about it here

Now, I’m not a lawyer, but my understanding of plea-bargaining is that an individual agrees to plead guilty to a lesser offence, manslaughter instead of murder for example, so that a conviction can be secured if the evidential standard required for the higher offence cannot be met. A chap called Nick du Toit is the fall guy for this scheme and has been sentenced to 34 years. From my background reading Mr de Toit had letters from “Scratcher” a whole heap of strong circumstantial evidence and a financial audit trail linking MT to the plot. MT is a wealthy man and I doubt his mum is short of a bob or two. A fine of US$500,000 to them is like me losing ten pence down the back of the sofa. So why this slap on the wrist? Does the web of the great British Establishment really stretch that far and wide? It seems to.

In fact......

thinking of the Bash quote below, maybe Di should have done that when her and Prince Charles' relationship started to go a bit eggy.


Then Prince Harry could have been a chocolate fudge brownie.


Instead of an ignoramus.

Bash

Bash is one of those little gems that the internet was made for. It's a place where people post transcripts of IRC or Messenger chats. Ignoring the fact that some of them are obviously fake, it always raises a belly laugh or two. (thanks MZA)

Very NSFW though, esp is you have Web Marshal, which don't like it one little bit.

Example; I had a girlfriend a while back. I got really sick, and she came over to give me brownies and a tape of the Simpsons. As she left I starting eating the brownies and popped in the tape, about mid-way through, the tape cut to her sucking off some other guy, she looked at the camera and said "You've just been dumped" and then proceeded to spit his cum into a bowl of brownie mix.

Cricket; South Africa v England, 4th Test, Johannesburg.

Congratulations to Andrew Strauss who has just scored his fifth century in only his eleventh test match.

We have in this young man the makings of a new English hero. Even Geoffrey Boycott was impressed.

Iraqi Elections; Latest News

This from today’s Washington Post

U.S. Lowers Expectations On Iraq Vote

Process Emphasized, Not Turnout or Results

With just over two weeks until the Iraqi elections, the United States is lowering its expectations for both the turnout and the results of the vote, increasingly emphasizing other steps over the next year as more important to Iraq's political transformation, according to U.S. officials.

The Bush administration played down voter turnout yesterday in determining the elections' legitimacy and urged Americans not to get bogged in a numbers game in judging the balloting, a reflection of the growing concern over how much the escalating insurgency and the problem of Sunni participation may affect the vote.


What breathtaking arrogance! It’s as if the Nazis had turned round after World War II and said of the death camps,

“Stop going on about the number of people we killed, can’t you just admire the efficiency with which we did it?”

The Guantanamo Bay Concentration Camp

At last the remaining British guys in the Guantanamo Bay concentration camp (and we should all begin referring to it as a concentration camp) are to be released. The five guys released last year were initially detained by the Met police, but then sent home without charge and I believe are not even under supervision or bail orders. The US will also be releasing without charge an Australian chap who has been there for 3 years.

Jack 'man of' Straw announced proudly and with no trace of irony how his negotiations had secured the release. He failed to comment on the House of Lords' decision last month that the he is illegally detaining 12 men in UK jails without charge and under the most woolly of anti terrorist legislation, but I guess in all the excitement it slipped his mind. Would it be cynical to suggest that, as Bliar helped Bush with his election campaign by sending Black Watch troops to their death last year this is payback, as the embryonic election campaign begins here? Let's face it both the major parties will struggle to get much of a Muslim vote. Maybe, just maybe, a few major media organisations outside The Guardian, The Independent and C4 news will now highlight these continuing blots on the humanity of all of us. It would mean having to ask serious questions about the Blair administration and their relationship with the Bush gimp though, so we can rule the BBC out.

On a vaguely similar line, guess which one of my favourite columnists made this tasteful comment in her round up of 2004?

"On the basis solely of media coverage, Abu Ghraib was the biggest story of 2004, maybe the biggest story ever. And for good reason: An American soldier was caught on film not only humiliating Iraqi prisoners -- but smoking!"

Tactful eh, but just to make sure she really offends, the tsunami relief effort is also suitable for a quip

"The Washington Post criticizes Bush for not rushing back to Washington in response to the tsunami amid unfavorable comparisons to German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder, who immediately cut short his vacation and returned to Berlin. Nothing snaps a German to attention like news of mass death."

And nothing snaps a right wing bigot to attention sharper than the revelation that there are a vast number of people in the world who actually care for humanity as a whole, and who feel the collective pain of a continent which is for the moment lost in a sea of confusion and despair, but which will in time, with a collective effort of will and determination well beyond the imagination of an introspective, jingoistic maniac like Ms Coulter rebuild and get on with their lives.

Did anyone see the Sri Lankan chap on BBC News 24 last Saturday? An inspiration and true example of the strength of human spirit. He said and I paraphrase; "Last week I was worried about my job, my financial situation, my small house which barely contained my family. Today I am a happy man. I have no job, I have no house, but I am happy because I am alive, my wife is alive and our 3 children are alive." I wept; I'm man enough to admit it.

What problems do we, any of us really have?

B of the Bang 

Art & the North

I used to live in the North of England. It is a splendid place, a great blend of thriving city life and some of the most beautiful countryside in Europe. The people up there are warm, friendly and happy to idle away an afternoon chatting about the world or whatever crosses the mind over a pint of bitter. Trouble is, some of the people are a bit too bitter and oh my they do like a moan.

When the National Lottery began in ’93 and grants began to be awarded, a good number of the initial arts grants went to institutions in London. And the north grumbled. “Blooming London” they moaned, “why should they get all the money for their opera houses, theatres and art galleries?”

Well now Manchester has a piece of municipal art, “B of the Bang” by Thomas Heatherwick. And a marvellous, striking piece of art it is too. It was inspired by Linford Christie’s comment during the Commonwealth Games that he left the starting blocks on the b of the bang (from the starting pistol, geddit?).

But are they appreciative? Are they hell. Last year, the Manchester Evening News canvassed its readers' views of the piece. Responses included "utterly monstrous", "rusting hulk" and "S of the Scaffold". The leader of the Liberal Democrat opposition at the Town Hall, Simon Ashley, concluded: "This is not the kind of thing we should be wasting our money on."

You can't have it both ways guys. Stand back and look at it. It is beautiful. It is fresh. It is new and should surely be welcomed as a vibrant addition to a formerly run down area of Manchester. The hope is that, as with Antony Gormley’s Angel of the North which was initially viewed with uncertainty by the people of the north east, the people of Manchester will, over time take it to their hearts and grow to love it. If not, they can move it to my garden and I’ll admire it enough for them all.

Harry

So let's start as we mean to go on.

Harry says sorry for Nazi costume

Prince Harry has apologised for wearing a swastika armband to a friend's fancy dress party.


What on earth was he thinking?? I know they are a German family, but wearing Nazi memorabilia is frowned on over there now I'm led to believe. Here we have a guy who like it or not is in the public eye. He has led a life of immense comfort, wealth and privilege. At the expense of us tax payers. With all that comes responsibility, and one of those responsibilities must surely be not to go around offending people with thoughtless acts like this.

He was in the news a few years ago for smoking weed. So what? Most teenagers do and you won't find me condeming it. No hypocrisy on this website. Then last year he punched out at a press photographer. High spirits no doubt. Spirits were involved somewhere, though mainly of the sort favoured by his old gran and Aunty Marge.

But did somebody not say to him "Hang on Harry, what if you were to get photographed? The media will go crazy" Did he ignore the advice? Is he so stupid? And isn't he supposed to be joining the army soon? The elite Sandhurst college to (jack) boot. What an example.

Well anything that hastens the demise of the monarchy must, as far as I'm concerned be welcomed. One day I can be a citizen of Great Britain, rather than a subject of the United kingdom.

Oh and one more thing, when is somebody in the mainstream media going to have the balls to say "Hang on a moment, Prince Harry looks EXACTLY like James Hewitt"?

Harry