Some stuff (mostly angry stuff)

Lordy, wasn't I in a bad mood yesterday? It shouldn't be a great deal better today after a scan through the headlines.

Of least significance in the great scheme of things is the English cricket team snatching defeat from the jaws of victory in Multan. A good old fashioned batting collapse is to blame. We have only ever won two tests in Pakistan so there's no real shame; many great players in many great teams have returned without a win, but we were so close. That's the nature of sport I suppose.

No good news coming from the powers that be and the abuses which they continue to commit in our name. After denying the use of white phosphorus in Iraq, the US military have had to admit they did actually use it and that they lied when they said they hadn't. They promise that it was only used to flush out the bad guys though, not as a weapon and certainly not against civilians. The evidence from Fallujah would seem to contradict that statement.

But plus ca change. The US denied using Napalm in Iraq but they did. They're trying to get off on a technicality here. Strictly, Napalm (as used in Vietnam) is gasoline and polystyrene but the stuff used in Iraq was kerosene and polystyrene. You see? Totally different things. Chalk and cheese. That's good enough for George. This contemptuous attitude towards the intelligence of the rest of the planet really should be beneath 'the most powerful man in the world'. Even if 'the most powerful man in the world' is a fucking retard. Which of course he is.

After changing their story over the reasons for the invasion from WMD to human rights, you'd think that the coalition would be trying hard to keep this story alive. You'd think. But with allegations that coalition troops have deprived Iraqi civilians of food and water and fresh evidence that the 'new' Iraqi security services are just as bad as the 'old' security services, this story is falling apart as well. If they were just honest and said it was about oil and W's need to finish what his dad started and then fucked up at least people like me would stop moaning. I'd probably die of shock. A politician being honest. Imagine such a thing!!

Of course, all is well in Tonyland. We learn today that Jean Charles de Menezes was assassinated by the Met with dum-dum bullets. Dum-dums were declared illegal by the Hague Declaration of 1899 but this only applies to the military, not the police. Darned technicalities again.

And isn't it odd that the Met Police release new pictures of the 7/7 bombings on exactly the same day that the Commissioner Sir Ian Bliar demands a whole new set of powers to tackle terrorism. He really is a nasty little fascist. Bliar (Ian) also voiced "frustration" at the public "silence" on what it wanted the police to do. He clearly doesn't visit the same websites as me, so here's an idea. First kick out the racists, the bigots, the educationally sub-normal and the people who execute innocent men. Then with the half-dozen or so officers you have left, rebuild the Met as an entity which earns the respect of Londoners rather than demanding it.

I should sit on a committee or something.

ID cards. Eliza, the present head of MI5 thinks they'll be a good thing. But Dame Stella, the former head can't really see the point. Maybe there will be an informed debate now? Maybe Eliza and Stella should mud-wrestle for it?

I should sit on a committee or something.

The EU Audit Committee would be a good one. For the ELEVENTH consecutive year, auditors have rejected the EU's accounts. The good news however is that they can now account for 35% of the total budget, up from just 6% in 2003. I'll say that again. In 2003, auditors actually verified only 6% of the $100 billion spent by the EU. The other $94,000,000,000 could have been trousered by anyone, the EU simply does not know. It's so astonishing that I really am lost for words. This should be a massive story but have you seen it on the news? The saddest thing is that Britain has no alternative but to throw our full support into Europe. We are too small, our industry was so thoroughly destroyed by Th*tch*r that we cannot exist as just 'Britain' now, we need the muscle of Europe. The alternative is to form a trade block with the US, but their economy is on the verge of dying a horrid death so do we want that? If anyone wants to join me in trying to raise the cash to buy No Man's Land Fort in the Solent please email me. I have no sinister plans. I just want a quiet place where I can drink, smoke, read, think, raise my cats and declare independence from the rest of the world. Is that too much to ask? (I am totally serious about this by the way. Fuck the world. I'm not the only one who feels at two with most of humanity am I? The price is £7,000,000 so I only need another £6,999,500.)

And finally a word of warning. If one more person approaches me with a bucket, tin, book of raffle tickets or any other means of collecting for fucking Children in Need there will be a homicide. I assure you of this. Up with this shit I will no longer put. Charity is, to me anyway, a personal thing. I do my bit, I really do and for the charities that I want to support; I just do it quietly, without a song and dance. The trouble with Children in Need and its bastard sibling Comic Relief is that the hype is so extreme you are bullied into taking part. You're made to feel like a leper if you don't contribute or take part in some stupid way. A woman came round the office this morning selling raffle tickets. When I said "NO" her face couldn't have registered greater disgust if I had admitted responsibility for the de-virginisation of her daughter, the holocaust and the Spanish Inquisition all in one crazy night out. (Her daughter actually is a good night out, but I didn't tell you that.) I think I'll take a sickie on Friday, just to be safe. You know, it'll probably be for the best if I just stay in the flat with the curtains drawn, the TV off and my new favourite ever recording, The Chants of the Russian Orthodox Church on repeat. I can feel a plan coming together.

P.S. I paid to download the chants in the highest possible quality (quite superb) and I'm allowed to pass my access code onto 3 people. First 3 people to leave a positive comment on early church music and send me their email address will win. You lucky people. I love you. Really. I do.