Spit the water

So, it was my penultimate day in the office today. I have done nothing but redefine the word apathy. I have maxed it. Supersized it. Konged it if you will.

The trouble with your last day is that people are always nice to you. I suppose that's not such a bad thing, but it always makes me feel dirty. I do my best to get along with everyone but all offices have assholes, people who make you question the concept of evolution; then I suppose even the gene pool must have a shallow end.

I think Kevin Smith knows how I feel. Have a read of this from Clerks;

RANDAL spits a mist of water at the customer, drenching him.
The man reacts violently, attempting to grab RANDAL from
over the counter. RANDAL makes no move, but remains untouched.
DANTE plays block.

CUSTOMER
I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEAD!
YOU FUCKING JERKOFF!

DANTE
Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He didn't mean
it! He was trying to get me.

CUSTOMER
Well, he missed!

DANTE
I know. I'm sorry. Let me refund
your cigarette money, and we'll
call it even.

CUSTOMER
(considerably calmer;
takes money)
This is the last time I ever come
here.
(to RANDAL)
And if I ever see you again, I'm
gonna break your fucking head open!

The CUSTOMER leaves, wiping water from his face. RANDAL
salutes him.

DANTE
(angrily)
What the fuck did you do that for?

RANDAL
Two reasons: one, I hate when the
people can't shut up about the
stupid tabloid headlines.

DANTE
Jesus!

RANDAL
And two, to make a point: title
does not dictate behavior.

DANTE
What?

RANDAL
If title dictated my behavior, as a
clerk serving the public, I wouldn't
be allowed to spit a mouthful of
water at that guy. But I did, so my
point is that people dictate their
own behavior. Hence, even though
I'm a clerk in this video store, I
choose to go rent videos at Big
Choice.
(extends opened palm)
Agreed?

DANTE
(shakes his head;
hands over keys)
You're a danger to both the dead
and the living.

RANDAL
I like to think I'm a master of my
own destiny.

DANTE
Please, get the hell out of here.

RANDAL
I know I'm your hero.

Every bit of my soul will spend tomorrow screaming 'Spit the water, spit the goddamn water'. But I'll just shake hands and smile. Peace on earth. And North Hampshire.