Winter Wonderland

I was in Sainsburys yesterday, stocking up on Bovril, oats, Kendal Mint Cake – the sorts of things one needs to get through the nuclear winter we are currently in the midst off. As the greater populace are showing a distinct lack of the sort of determination that once built us an Empire, only about three members of staff had bothered to show up. Consequently, there were no proper tills open, just the self service ones I so despise.

Needs must however, so grasping my basket, I joined the rear of the shortest queue. I judged that I’d be queuing for around 20 minutes, so I began to examine the people around me. What else does one do in a queue? The chap in front of me didn’t have a laden basket like most of my fellow shoppers. He only had one item. A sachet of instant chocolate drink. Yes, just one sachet of instant chocolate drink. I like a chocolate drink as much as the next man, but clearly not as much as this man. How desperate does a person have to be leave the warmth of his home, venture out into the snow, queue for 20 minutes, then trek home simply for one mug of watery chocolate drink? I don’t think I’ve ever shown that degree of commitment to anything. If I’d caught his name I’d have nominated him for an OBE. I salute you sir.

Apropos of nothing, since quitting smoking a few weeks ago my body is expelling all manner of luridly coloured fluids and juices. I think I should keep it all in a jar.