ID cards

In a move that will have surprised no one Charles Clarke, head of Minitrue today announced that ID cards would be made compulsory should Labour win the next election. Before the last election he skirted round the issue pretending that we would have some choice in the matter but there was never really any doubt. A voluntary ID card is no use to a fascist government.

I have argued against ID cards many times before and I’m not going to do it again today. Read my archives, got to NO2ID’s website, have a think about the matter yourself without giving any consideration to what the government or the spineless media have to say. Really, once you get into the habit of thinking for yourself you’ll find it very liberating. If you still think ID cards are a good idea then at least you’ll be able to argue the case in your own words rather than just repeating the dull “if you’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear” line. Bollocks; I have done nothing wrong so why the hell should I line up with everybody else and have my picture taken, my fingerprints recorded, my iris scanned? Why should I have to be treated like an object, like a possession by my own government? My own ‘democratic’ government? It’s not going to happen. I will not do it.

Now we know their plan, we must show them our plan, our fight back. Civil disobedience begins at home. Sign the pledge. 12,000 people have now sworn that they will not cooperate with the ID card system. One refusal makes a mockery of the whole system. 12,000 means that it cannot possibly work. Take the pledge seriously as well. Don’t umm and ahh when you get the letter ‘inviting’ you to your local police station for your classification interview (don't worry it's only a shower), don’t back down if threatened with a £2,500 fine. You haven’t got £2,500 laying around so you can’t pay it anyway. Are they going to jail 12,000 of us? Do they want 12,000 martyrs creating negative headline all round the world? Do they fuck.

Now write to your MP, your local papers, the national papers. Bring the subject up at work, challenge the people who agree with ID cards; the chances are they haven’t really though about the issues at all. Make it your mission to change minds.

What must be understood is that real power does not lay with the government. It never has, it never will. The real power is with us. Their laws only work because we agree to them, we agree to be governed accepting that sometimes there may be encroachments into our way of life for the sake of the greater good. But ID cards will do nothing to increase the greater good. They are simply a meaningless tool of a paranoid, fascistic state that has no trust in and no respect for its citizens.

Fight them.

A plague

There is something very tawdry going on in British politics and the stains are spreading out to affect and indeed infect the whole House.

In the dying days of the Major administration, Tony Bliar stood up and accused them of being ‘mired in sleaze’ (which they were) and said that he would do things differently, he promised that he would cut sleaze out of politics. Soon after coming to power he passed legislation making it compulsory for parties to declare all donations over £5,000. So far so good. What he failed to tell us was that ‘loans’ of any sum would not have to be declared and guess what? Instead of touting for donations from rich individuals they started touting for ‘loans’.

Here’s a list of 12 people who between them have loaned the Labour Party – sorry ‘New Labour’ a total of £13,950,000. Sleazy? Open to interpretation maybe, bending the rules, but don’t we all do that from time to time? Then we found out that 4 of these people had been nominated for peerages. The Power Commission said this month that every Labour donor who had given more than a million pounds had received a knighthood or a peerage. One or two others withdrew their nominations, the chairman of C(r)apita resigned over the matter although he insisted he’d done nothing wrong and he didn’t have a guilty conscience. No, not at all. Innocent people resign hastily all the time. I’m sure the Metropolitan Police who are investigating the allegations of ‘cash for honours’ will find no wrongdoing. Actually, considering the arse who runs the Met Police I think we can guarantee that they will find no wrongdoing.

Instead of dealing with this in a mature, honourable way Labour took to just spreading the mud around. OK they said, we’ve been a bit naughty but so have the Tories and the Lib Dems. They’re just as guilty.

Is this a defence? Does that make it all right? If me and the gang get pissed after poker on Friday night, knock up a few Molotov’s and invaded France if the big boys across the street tell us it’s OK, would that be alright with Tony? Because that’s a rough analogy of his invasion of Iraq. Blair invaded a country that posed no threat to the UK, so why shouldn’t I?

Fortunately the Electoral Commission have a bit more sense than me and have issued a warning that they are determined to get to the truth of what has happened. Genuine loans they say, may not need to be declared but loans with no repayment date, loans accruing no interest, loans that roll over, should be. Their reasoning is sound – that parties must “demonstrate to voters that [they] have nothing to hide.” Let’s wait and see shall we. Anything to hide Tony?

The media are also reporting that the deadlock between the Commons and the Lords over ID cards has been broken. Hurrah thought I, progress has been made in fighting this insane, illiberal idea. The government had wanted people who apply for a passport to automatically get an ID card at the same time. Under the great new ‘compromise’ however your details will still go onto the National ID Database but you don’t have to have an ID card. Until 2010.

What a crock. That’s not a compromise that’s a full surrender. A delayed surrender maybe, but a surrender all the same. I’ve commented in previous ID card posts how odd it was for an old lefty to be hanging his hopes on the House of Lords. It was never a comfortable thing to do, I always felt grubby afterwards. And it seems I was right. (I hate being right all the time.)

I’m off for a bath. A Domestos bath. If anybody wants to scrub my back with a scouring pad or a stiff broom, I’ll be in there a while.

You Spurs!!

Can you here me Gooners? We're on our way to Europe!!

Tottenham 2-1 West Brom

We all dream of a team of Robbie Keane’s, a team of Robbie Keane’s, a team of Robbie Keane’s
We all dream of a team of Robbie Keane’s, a team of Robbie Keane’s, a team of Robbie Keane’s

The beautiful game

Three minutes or so of sublime, silky skills from Ronaldinho, ZiZi, Beckham (remember when he was good?), Roberto Carlos etc...

And big up Reading who after more than 130 years of trying have finally made it to the top. When I first lived in Reading they missed promotion by the odd point, by goal difference, it was painful. So why is a Spurs fan pleased that they're promoted? It's 6 easy points next season innit!

Serve cold

I'm not alone here in loving South Park. Unless you have been on the moon recently you'll know that after 150 episodes mocking Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Mormons etc Isaac Hayes had a sense of humour failure when the show mocked Scientology. He clearly didn't think that pissing off the two greatest satirists alive today would lead to any recriminations. Bad move.

South Park gets revenge on Chef

South Park has exacted revenge on its former star Isaac Hayes by turning his character Chef into a paedophile and seemingly killing him off.

The opening episode of the 10th series, screened in the US on Wednesday, appeared to be a satire on Scientology. Hayes, a Scientologist, quit the animated comedy after a different episode ridiculed the religion.

In the new show, Chef is brainwashed by the "Super Adventure Club" - thought to be a veiled reference to Scientology. The other characters are angry at "that fruity little club for scrambling his brains". Hayes did not participate in the episode but his lines were apparently patched together from previous recordings.

Chef arrives after travelling the world with the Super Adventure Club and repeatedly tells the children he wants to "make sweet love" to them. The children take him to a psychiatrist and then a strip club, where he remembers his love for women and is cured. But he is brainwashed by the Super Adventure Club again - before falling off a bridge and being burned, stabbed and mauled by a lion and a grizzly bear.

'Hurt and confused'

At his funeral, one of the children says: "A lot of us don't agree with the choices the Chef has made in the last few days. "Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the past few weeks take away the memories of how Chef made us smile."

Soul singer Hayes recently announced he had left the show because of its "intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs". But co-creator Matt Stone said: "In 10 years and over 150 episodes of South Park, Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslim, Mormons or Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show."

US TV network Comedy Central then pulled a different episode, which mocked Tom Cruise and more explicitly lampooned Scientology.

If you missed the "Come Out Of The Closet" Tom Cruise clip, watch it here. It's a work of genius. (May be NSFW due to links)

FREE!!!

Got your attention didn't it. I'm not being a tease though. Oh no.

Go here for the Best of Bootie 2005, twenty of the best mash-ups from 2005 including gems such as Eric B & Rakim vs White Stripes, The Killers vs The Clash, Coldplay vs Kraftwerk, Ying Yang Twins vs The Cure and N.W.A. vs Nirvana. 70Mb zip file but worth every byte. Just download it.

Did I say it was free?

Also worth a look is The Observer's 25 most amazing music sites on the web, from which I can thoroughly recommend Resonance FM. I'd suggest getting Winamp which will allow you to listen to either the OGG or MP3 stream. You'll thank me.

Customer service

We can never get customer service quite right in the UK can we? The Post Office seem to be surprised each and every day that there is a rush of people at lunchtime. The queue in there never seems to be less than 300 or so weary looking souls, snaking in a patient line alongside displays of cheap DVDs that to all appear to 'star' Judge Reinhold.

Sainsburys are at the other end of the scale. I always feel slightly patronised when I leave their shops. I have just been in for a loaf of bread, a 4 pint carton of milk and a bag of onions. At the checkout I was asked "Would you like help with your packing?" Do I really look like a person who would struggle to put 3 items in a carrier bag? I managed to fasten my tie in a Windsor knot this morning and I've buttoned my shirt up properly. I declined help. I think I might start using Tesco's home delivery service.

I see Gordon has put 9p on 20 ciggys. As a non smoker for 10 days now I care not a jot! I thought that as this is my 10,000th attempt to quit smoking I'd make an extra special effort this time. So far so good. And I've managed not to be all sanctimonious about it as well. Mainly. Hurrah for me!!

Emotionality

I'm the happiest man in the world.

You should all just know that.

phy

Salad Dodgers II

Goddamn!!

15lb Burger Gives Restaurant A New Claim To Fame

Clearfield, PA (AHN) - A US restaurant has beaten its own record for the bragging rights of having the world's biggest burger, with a mouth watering 15-pounder.

Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, in Clearfield, Pennsylvania, had already claimed the title of world’s biggest burger with a 6lb burger. However the pub’s owners had other ideas and believed a 15-pound burger would prove an even bigger attraction.

Dennis Liegey III, son of the restaurant's owner says, "Every restaurant needs a gimmick - ours is big burgers.”

Customers who can finish the burger in less than five hours win a cash prize, a T-shirt and have their name posted on the pub's wall of fame. Not to mention the burger is free. The new 15lb burger, nicknamed the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, is almost as big as a car tire. It’s served with a cup and half each of mayonnaise, mustard and ketchup, a head of lettuce, two onions, three tomatoes and 25 slices of cheese.

I'll have one, medium rare and a diet coke please.

Salad Dodgers

Happy Ides of March to you all.

I don't think you have anything to worry about unless your name is Caesar. Maybe you should avoid the salad today though just in case.

Runs

So, with England humbled in the first half at the Stade de France, I voted with my remote and watched the final One Day International between South Africa and Australia in Johannesburg. And I'm pleased I did.

The highest team score prior to today was 398/5 by Sri Lanka against Kenya, the whipping boys of international cricket. Australia sailed passed that and scored 434/4 in their 50 overs. How could they lose? Sloppy bowling, that's how. With a four off the penultimate ball Mark Boucher and South Africa took an astonishing win, scoring 438/9 from 49.5 overs. Surely the greatest match ever played.

Which cannot be said about France v England this afternoon.

A package from the Transvaal

How strange...

So after seeing the Buzzcocks on Friday tonight, me and a dozen or so other old Trots got to spend an hour with someone else who has been a huge part of my past, Alexei Sayle.

He was in Waterstones in Reading talking about his new novel The Weeping Women Hotel. And he’s a lovely man. The book is about a hotel staffed entirely by women who have had nervous breakdowns. Read it.

Next week I get to spend time with someone whom I hope will become the brightest part of my future. It’s turning out to be quite a year.

There's a Buzz

I just want to assure you that the Buzzocks remain England's finest punk band.



God my body aches!

Interesting

Artcic Monkeys & The Sugarbabes with I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor from the NME Awards. Shouldn't work but it sort of does.

Via i hope you get cancer.