Do it yourself

I’ve had cause, in posts passim, to moan about the appalling standard of customer service in this country before. Clearly I haven’t been listened to, so I’m going to have to do it again. Same shop though – Sainsburys.

Last time, it was because I was asked “Would you like any help packing?” when I was buying three items. They are now at the other end of the spectrum. Recently the Sainsburys in Reading town centre has had about half its checkouts removed and replaced with self service check outs. So you do your own scanning and bagging. It’s an obvious money saving rouse as the customer does what traditionally stores have had to pay people to do. I’ve used these machines before in M&S and found them satisfactory as long as there are staff about to help you. If you don’t put your goods into the bag quick enough the machines go “beep, beep, beep” and request you seek assistance. Buying wine? “beep, beep, beep.” Aspirin? “beep, beep, beep.” Bleach? “beep, beep, beep.” You get the idea.

This works in M&S as they have about one member of staff to four self service tills, but Sainsburys have about one for eight. Unsurprisingly, it was pretty busy there tonight after office hours. Or does the Reading store have a new manager with no retail experience as this flood of people seemed to have taken them totally by surprise. Is it “bring your child to work week” leading to the store being managed by 2 five year olds? (This will doubtless be the subject to a later post if any bloody children are bought in to my office, but we’ll cross that bridge at the time.) There were 7 or 8 people queuing for each bank of four tills and one harassed assistant trying to quell the beeps.

There was only one proper checkout open. It had seventeen people in the queue. I counted them. I think that’s a pretty clear vote on the popularity of self service checkouts. Will anything change? No.

This will soon be re-written and emailed to Sainsburys for their comments. I will of course share any reply. In fact, I can probably do that now…

Blah, blah, blah, disappointing shopping experience, blah, blah, blah, embracing new technology, blah, blah, blah, some difficulties in the transitional phase, blah, blah, blah, we welcome your money – sorry feedback… and so it will go on.

I went on as well. To Marks & Spencer. Their fine wines are very reasonably priced.

Bullies

This annoys me...

Court jails Pirate Bay founders

A court in Sweden has jailed four men behind The Pirate Bay (TPB), the world's most high-profile file-sharing website, in a landmark case.

Forgive me if I'm wrong (yeah), but TPB aren't really a file sharing network if you boil it down. They are a glorified search engine for torrent trackers. The whole point about torrenting is that you are lifting stuff from somebody's computer, not a massive database of stored material, hosted, managed and distributed by The Bay. It's high-tech Socialism and it works. As does the more traditional Socialism, but that's for another day.

I know torrenting is illegal, which is why you'll never catch me doing it, so TPB are facilitating the sharing of copyrighted material, but I could just as easily search Google for say "30 Rock torrents" and guess what - I'd find links for 30 Rock torrents.

But Sony, EMI, etc didn't sue Google did they?

No.

Why?

Because Google are FUCKING MASSIVE, worth $$$$$$$ and probably have a pretty sharp legal team? I mean a better legal team even than Jacko's. Shit, I bet they even got Denny Crane leading. Best to pick on a bunch of geeky stoners who saw the whole thing as a bit of a wheeze right from the start, safe in the knowledge that, whatever the result their cult status would remain intact.

It's maddening. The best way to celebrate this victory for 'the man' is to, all of you, torrent at least one file. Now. Use The Bay, it's still live and as they say "Don't worry - we're from the internets. It's going to be alright. :-)"

Will this result stop torrenting? Yes. In exactly the same way that Bush/Bliar's war on terror has ended terrorism. Oh, hang on...

I can recommend 30 Rock by the way. And Boston Legal.

Bricks & mortar

No surprises here

Renting now cheaper than buying

The cost of renting a house in England and Wales is cheaper than the cost of buying it with a mortgage, say market analysts Hometrack. Private rents in 2006 were two-thirds the cost of a 100% mortgage on a two- or three-bedroom house, for a young household on average incomes.

For many years, renting a home was thought to be just as expensive as buying one. But that position has been changed by the rapid rise in house prices.

Home ownership is the biggest and most expensive myth of capitalism. Biggest, because, well everyone knows the lines don't they. You have to "get your foot on the property ladder" because "renting is dead money". Expensive because it's a debt you'll spend the rest of your working life repaying as you get sucked into the pathetic, thoughtless cycle of moving up in order to show the world how well you're doing. Baaaa.

I had my ranting head on at work a few months ago and over lunch I, hopefully convinced one of my younger colleagues of the error of this train of thought. She'd obviously been listening to her parents (she'll need to grow out of that sharpish) who'd rolled out all the clichés and she was beating herself up for being 28 and still without either foot on the ladder.

"So" I started, "rent is dead money is it. How much did your lunch cost?"

"About £3"

"Dead money"

"What?!?!"

As a Marxist, one gets used to the look which invariably accompanies that 'What?!?!' It's a mix of incredulity and pity - how can I be so stupid as to question the wisdom on which society thrives, how sad it is that I just don't get it. Poor little red.

"It's dead money. Six hours from now you'll be sat on the pot dropping your lunch out into the bowl. What a waste of money."

"But it's nourished me, kept me alive."

"And in return for my rent money I get place that nourishes me. It's warm, has hot water, room for my books, space for my cats to run about. If the heating busts I ring the landlord and it gets fixed. If I decide to move on (most unlikely for some time) I give notice and find another place. There's no stamp duty, no legal fees, no chains. It's easy! All for £350 a month. Why would I want to pay £900+ a month on a mortgage and not have enough money for anything else like the fine wines which the world has to offer?"

"Hmmm, I suppose."

That hmmm is another thing you get used to as a Marxist. It means 'what you say makes great sense and is more than likely true, but it just doesn't compute with the lifetime of lies I have absorbed. Better to ignore the truth than to rock the boat.'

And there's the rub. Home ownership is more about social control than anything else. If you're tied to a house you can barely afford, you're tied to you job, which you probably hate. So you knuckle down and climb the corporate ladder not because you want to but because you have to. You have to pay your mortgage. And with each pay-rise you pay more in taxes. As you aspire to bigger house, following the rest of the flock (you don't want to be the only person at your grade living in a 3 bedroomed house do you? Only 3?), you pay more taxes, contributing more of your money to the liars, warmongers and crooks who run the country. They depend on you toeing the line. Their morally bankrupt society relies on you getting a pay rise each year, contributing more taxation, staying put, not asking questions. Doing anything else would rock the boat, mark you out as a subversive. A subversive for thinking for yourself. What is to be done?

Future first

You know what, there's a good part of me that welcomes the return of Tomorrow's World onto the BBC, albeit in a minor way. It has fond memories for me as a bright eyed, wet-behind-the-ears schoolboy wondering what his future would behold. Thursdays were always kinda special anyway. Last evening before Friday, shepherd's pie for tea, Top of the Pops, Tomo's World, Kenny Everett and bed. Wasn't it simple then? But the more I think about it, the more I feel I should be withholding my license fee in protest at the false dreams sold me by Raymond Baxter, Judith Hann, Michael Rodd et al.

The problem with technology shows is that they always glamorise what they believe will happen. So we were told that computers would take away the vast majority of the tedious, mundane crap which makes up the majority of our working days, freeing us to be creative, playful, to enjoy the beauty around us. We were told that we would only need to go to work for 90 minutes or so each week to make sure the computers were doing everything well. We were told that we would go to work in hover cars. These would be miniature flying saucers powered by water and fitted with all sorts of devices that would end accidents and congestion. Oh the joy. In 1974 the biggest problem envisaged for the future was 'what on earth would we do with all our leisure time?'

But it hasn't happened has it? The opposite has. We're now tied to our sodding computers like slaves tied to the oars of a Greek Trireme. One company's computer will not speak to another's, so data has to be emailed, printed out onto paper and manually re-entered. Then checked. Then corrected. It's bollocks. A computer could do it. Oh, hang on...

So Tomorrow's World you can go to hell. With Tops of the Pops. And Fearne Cotton hopefully.

Cowardice

What manner of evil is this??

BBC Ban Blair!

The BBC have banned the hit single War, which features a Tony Blair lookalike in the accompanying video, over fears that its pro-peace message will offend the government.

The BBC Radio One Newsbeat programme was due to record a package about the single today, but pulled out at the last minute, claiming that the record was 'not newsworthy'. However, sources at the highest level within the BBC have privately confirmed that a banning order has been instituted.

This just reeks of pusillanimous, post Hutton timidity. Is this the same BBC that broadcast Cathy Come Home? The same BBC that delighted in winding up Thatch and her evil cohorts, leading to several of them walking out of interviews at various times. This is beneath them and shows that they are no longer an independently minded, progressive organisation but a bitch to the controlling, centralist state power.

I have no interest in the song really but you can be damn sure I’ll download it now so that we can get it to the top of the ‘hit parade’ as I believe it is known amongst the kids.

Blair knows he has to go soon and simply wants to go out on a high. He’s desperate that nothing cloud his few remaining weeks in power and that includes stifling anything that draws attention to the massive blot on his record – the war in Iraq. Isn't going to happen though is it? Anyway, fuck him.


Have a giggle on me.

Tuesday

But it could be Monday...

The Sony Cybershot whot I purchased not 4 months ago has already bust. Wandered back up to the shop at lunchtime hoping for a swift replacement but was told that Sony’s warranty only covers repairs not replacements. So I have to send the ‘king thing off and be inconvenienced while they fix it. Arse.

I then strolled up to WHSmith to get a Jiffy bag in order to send said camera to Sony. At the till I was asked if I wanted to pre-order the next Harry Potter book. Rather than launch off into a full scale tirade about why the fuck would I want to buy such an item given that its predecessors are all poorly written, derivative, inane, shallow and repetitive pieces of crap and while we’re on the subject how in the name of all that is unholy did Rowling become richer than Croesus by writing such utter, utter crap, I politely said no thank you. Arse.

Then I had a look on Perez Hilton’s wonderful site to cheer myself up and was horrified to see that Girls Aloud and the Sugababes have united to cover one of the finest songs ever performed, the genius that is Aerosmith & Run DMC’s Walk This Way. One question. WHY?? (cute) arses.

Then I looked at the cricket score. Arse and double arse.

Update.

Ha!!! Cross me and see what happens. Are you listening Sony?..

Japanese electronics giant Sony has unveiled 5.3% a drop in profits

Throw away the keys?

So, the criminal justice system is again under the spotlight. In particular, the way we deal with offenders and the prison system itself is coming in for a deal of criticism. This stems from the fact that there are about 3 prison places left in the UK, leading the Home Secretary to beg judges not to bang up any more people. The response from the tabloids has been typical and typically depressing.

There is however one flaw in the argument that we should lock more people up for the ‘good of society’. It is a massive, gaping and obvious flaw, yet one that is overlooked every time this particular debate makes the front pages. It is this, the assumption that prison works.

Prison does not work.

According to Reform, the reoffending rate for all offenders is 61%, meaning that 61% of people released from prison will be back inside within 24 months. The rate is 73% for all offenders aged 15-18 and a massive 82% for male offenders in this age group. Is this a tale of success, something we should be proud of? If for example, 24 months after leaving hospital 61% of people were back on the same ward with the same complaint, would we consider the NHS a success? If 61% of people died in a road accident within two years of taking their driving test, would we consider driving tests to be top notch? I very much doubt it.

Prisons are full of people who are, in the main, amongst the most disadvantaged in society. Prisons contain the uneducated, the dispossessed, those suffering from drug and alcohol addiction, the mentally ill who are unable to find appropriate treatment in the ‘real world’ and so are sent to prison to be kept out of harms way. Some of this may be the individual’s own fault, but don’t people deserve a second chance? Of course prisons also contain violent, dangerous and repeat offenders, people who do need to be removed from society for the good of us all, but they are a fraction of the total.

What prisons need to do, what they must do is reform. If a person enters prison unable to read or write, they must leave able to read and write. If a person enters prison addicted to hard drugs, they must leave clean. Only then do they have a chance of re-entering society on equal terms with the rest of us. They will then be able to contribute to society rather than drawing from society.

This radical departure from the perceived wisdom would of course take more political will than any party has shown in recent years. The problem is that the results would not be immediate. It would take a couple of years maybe for there to be a drop in the reoffending rate and hence a fall in overall crime and a reduction in the massive cost to society both fiscal and physical. The tabloids demand action now and our leaders respond with more of the same, giving no regard to the realities of a situation. Do we really want to be governed by the Daily M**l?

We don't want no cups

We have a great drink vending machine here at work. It is immense, the size of a small bus, it makes cacophony of strange and interesting noises but produces the best machine coffee that I have ever had in an office based environment. Truly, it is wonderful.

A feature I particularly like is the ‘No Cup’ option. This means that I can place my new Spurs mug underneath the little nozzley thing, press the ‘No Cup’ button and receive an infusion of hot coffee directly into said mug. I can also get 2 plastic cups worth of coffee into my mug thereby halving the number of times I have to get up from my seat. I believe that’s called a win-win situation.

This morning however the machine is out of plastic cups. No problem I thought, I don’t want one of your stupid cups anyway cos I have my mug. I pressed the ‘no cup’ button followed by 22 (coffee, white, no sugar) and the machine just beeped at me. The LCD display advised “Unable to vend – no cups”. But I don’t want a cup!!! So I tried again. Same result.

What the hell is that all about? If it has cups, you can select the ‘no cup’ option, but if has no cups you can’t. It’s almost Kafkaesque in its baffling anti-logic. Fucking thing’s going to start singing “Daisy, Daisy” soon, you mark my words. And then it’s going out the window.

Anyone got a kettle I can borrow?

Going nuclear

Mr Bush and Mr Blair, as well as the Chinese, have all come out and condemned the North Koreans for their nuclear test this morning. I assume that this means they will be getting rid of all their nuclear weapons, or else they'd be hypocrites wouldn't they?

The Pope is an idiot

Oh yes he is.

Muslim anger grows at Pope speech

A statement from the Vatican has failed to quell criticism of Pope Benedict XVI from Muslim leaders, after he made a speech about the concept of holy war. Speaking in Germany, the Pope quoted a 14th Century Christian emperor who said Muhammad had brought the world only "evil and inhuman" things.

So, what were the Catholic church up to in the 14th century? Was it the inquisition? I think it was. Was the inquisition a celebration of joy and godly love? Or could the inquisition also be described as "evil and inhuman"? Take the plank out of your own eye matey.

I did find one bit of good news though.

Nun tried to kill priest after finding him in bed with another woman

A jealous nun appeared in court charged with threats to kill and an arson attack on a priest's house - after she caught him in bed with a married woman. Sister Silvia Gomes De Sousa, 39, saw red and set fire to Father Carmelo Mantarro's house after she nabbed him 'in flagrante.'

Nice to see a Catholic priest in bed with a woman for a change.