Ooops

Historic vases smashed in stumble

A stumbling visitor to a top museum has destroyed a set of priceless vases which stood on a shelf for 40 years.

The 300-year-old Qing vases were among the best known artefacts at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge.

The visitor is said to have slipped on a loose shoelace and fallen down a staircase bringing the vases crashing down as he tried to steady himself.

The vases, donated in 1948, were said to hold a "significant value" and were among the best known pieces on display.

The museum declined to identify the man who had tripped.

Best to go for a beer after you visit the museum.

And another one...

Have just read, on the train back from reading, The Boy Who Kicked Pigs by Tom Baker. Yes, that Tom Baker. I really think you should all read it. It is as macabre as it is funny. A splendid combo.

The ‘topian isn’t in any danger of becoming nothing more that a record of what I’m listening to or reading, though I have been quiet for the last couple of weeks.

It’s all related to the new job. For the first time in a couple of years I find myself doing something that motivates me. Thus I’m not spending 6 hours a day online reading up on things to write about. I’m also now commuting to work on the train which I find a million times less stressful than commuting by car. I find driving very unpleasant. There is no courtesy on the roads anymore. You get tail gated if you dare to drive at the speed limit, people are always trying to cut you up or overtake, it’s a horrid experience. So I now find myself getting home from work relaxed and not in the mood for a great rant.

I’m sure normal service will be resumed soon. In the meantime, you’ll have to put up with a chilled phylos. Enjoy it, we haven’t got long.

Cowards

WEF apology over 'Israel boycott'

The founder and executive director of the World Economic Forum (WEF) has apologised after an in-house article called for a boycott of Israel. The piece was in Global Agenda, given to WEF members at its 2006 annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. Klaus Schwab said the article was "totally in contradiction to my own, and the Forum's, mission and values". He said the forum was "deeply involved" in efforts to create better relations in the Middle East and round the globe.

If you do want to boycott Israel, you could look here.

Or here.

Or here.

Or here.

Or here.

Or here.

Or here.

Music stuff

I'm not one to follow the herd. If I see a crowd heading in one direction, my first instinct is head off the opposite way. But I've been unable to resist the buzz about the Arctic Monkeys, so I bought the new album today. It really is very good. You should all have a listen.

And thank-you SP for The Protecting Veil. It isn't something I'm likely to have stumbled across myself, but it has been the perfect accompaniment to a lazy evening on the sofa, reading about the Peloponnesian War. You should all listen it it as well.

That is all.

Quizzically

Two this evening.

Via following my fish I discover that I would have pased 8th grade maths. Can someone tell me how old you are in 8th grade? And why we say maths and you say math?

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

And via Un Grain de Sable I discover that were I at Hogwarts I'd be intimate with Draco Malfoy. Gosh!

You scored as Draco Malfoy. If you went to Hogwarts Draco Malfoy would be doing you...not the other way around. He's mean, rich, and dark. But those aren't the only parts parts of him you love. He had you on your back the second he threw you down and had his way with you. And you loved every minute of it. The two of you have fucked just about on every surface of Hogwarts...including that rediculus Harry Potter's bed. Go head girl go head get down.

WHO ARE YOU SCREWING AT HOGWARTS??
created with QuizFarm.com

Oats, and the getting thereof

Another defeat for ID cards. I wonder if Bliar is getting the message?

The last thing Mark Oaten and the Lib Dems need is another voice wading into the morality debate so I shan’t (very much). I will say however that, if you are leading a double life and you put your head over the parapet by, maybe standing for the leadership of Britain’s third political party, you have to expect that journalists will delve into your life. It doesn’t make it right, but it is going to happen. Sadly the fact that Mr Oaten’s affair was a homosexual one has seemed to make the tabloid interest even more prurient. Society is still riddled with people who think of homosexuality as something dirty, something to be ashamed of. Outings like this do nothing to help, but had Mr Oaten been honest about his feelings, left his wife comfortably off then he would have far less to be ashamed of. The upper echelons of the British establishment is full of people who were buggered senseless at their public school. He could have joined the gang.

To illustrate society’s hypocrisy, I’ll end with the tale retold in today’s The Independent;

In the early 1920s when homosexuality was still a crime that could be punished with life imprisonment, a male prostitute was in court charged with an act of gross indecency. The judge was a puritan soul who considered that sort of thing disgusting. He wanted to ensure that the young man was punished to the fullest extent and sought the advice of the Lord Chancellor.
“My Lord, My Lord, what should I give to a young man who has allowed himself to be buggered?” he enquired.
“Oh, I don’t know,” came the reply “30 bob, two quid, whatever you have in your pocket.”

Jean Charles

It was six months ago today that an innocent man got caught up in Bliar's phoney war on terror and was executed at Stockwell tube. Earlier this week the IPCC's report into the killing was handed to the CPS and we await further developments. AT the very least, the Commissioner of the Met must be held accountable for his lies and we must be assured that a similar thing cannot happen again.

Also this week Fathers for Justice announced an end to their campaign following negative publicity over an alleged plan to kidnap the Bliar's son Leo. FFJ were responsible for raising awareness of an issue that had been ignored for too long, and they did it in some truly imaginative ways. Me, I lost respect for them about 18 months ago. Some graffiti turned up on a wall near my old house and it was spelled “Fathers for Justise”. Dumbasses.

Relax

Cannabis 'won't be reclassified'

Home Secretary Charles Clarke is expected to rule out reclassifying cannabis, in a statement on Thursday. The drug was downgraded from class B to class C two years ago but concerns over a link between cannabis use and mental illness have mounted since.

Mr Clarke ordered a review of the reclassification last year - saying the move had confused the public. He is expected to launch a public information campaign, rather than changing cannabis back to class B.

Hurrah. Sit back and smoke a bowl!

Catch up

Hello again. I'm still alive.

After finishing my job on Thursday, having a nice meal and a few drinks, I returned to the village and drank my own body weight in vodka. It seemed appropriate. So last Friday (the thirteenth) was spent mainly in bed, suffering. I don't know about anyone else, but since passing 30 my recovery time from a good session has lengthened considerably. I fear passing 40. Friday was also The Phylotopian's first birthday, hurrah for that.

So what have I missed? Ariel Sharon remains in a coma. Oh dear. The way the media have whitewashed this war criminal and mass murderer has been deeply offensive. Withdrawing the IDF from Gaza does not make him a man of peace, especially when it is nothing more than a diversionary tactic, taking our eyes away from ever increasing brutality in the West Bank.

Yesterday, the House of Lords hammered another nail into the coffin of ID cards by inflicting three defeats on Tony's fascist dream. Tonight m'Lords voted down two proposals in the new Terrorism Bill. It's all falling apart for Herr Bliar. Anyone in the US wish they had an equivalent to House of Lords prepared to stand up to the Executive? Or is everyone happy with the Patriot Act?

I'll hand one thing to the Countryside Alliance, that loose band of idiots who believe they speak for the whole of countryside, they have some good ideas. Their latest email campaign has them all voting for fox hunting to become one of the Icons of England. And it is currently top. It is now up to us to knock it off the top spot. Please go over and vote for something else; even Morris Dancing is preferable to the ritualised slaughter of foxes.

And finally tonight; if you are going to conduct an affair in your boyfriend's front room, move the parrot. They're terrible blabbermouths.

Tease

Staying with Clerks for a second, Kevin has posted a trailer on the Clerks 2 website.

Pop over and have a peep.

Spit the water

So, it was my penultimate day in the office today. I have done nothing but redefine the word apathy. I have maxed it. Supersized it. Konged it if you will.

The trouble with your last day is that people are always nice to you. I suppose that's not such a bad thing, but it always makes me feel dirty. I do my best to get along with everyone but all offices have assholes, people who make you question the concept of evolution; then I suppose even the gene pool must have a shallow end.

I think Kevin Smith knows how I feel. Have a read of this from Clerks;

RANDAL spits a mist of water at the customer, drenching him.
The man reacts violently, attempting to grab RANDAL from
over the counter. RANDAL makes no move, but remains untouched.
DANTE plays block.

CUSTOMER
I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEAD!
YOU FUCKING JERKOFF!

DANTE
Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He didn't mean
it! He was trying to get me.

CUSTOMER
Well, he missed!

DANTE
I know. I'm sorry. Let me refund
your cigarette money, and we'll
call it even.

CUSTOMER
(considerably calmer;
takes money)
This is the last time I ever come
here.
(to RANDAL)
And if I ever see you again, I'm
gonna break your fucking head open!

The CUSTOMER leaves, wiping water from his face. RANDAL
salutes him.

DANTE
(angrily)
What the fuck did you do that for?

RANDAL
Two reasons: one, I hate when the
people can't shut up about the
stupid tabloid headlines.

DANTE
Jesus!

RANDAL
And two, to make a point: title
does not dictate behavior.

DANTE
What?

RANDAL
If title dictated my behavior, as a
clerk serving the public, I wouldn't
be allowed to spit a mouthful of
water at that guy. But I did, so my
point is that people dictate their
own behavior. Hence, even though
I'm a clerk in this video store, I
choose to go rent videos at Big
Choice.
(extends opened palm)
Agreed?

DANTE
(shakes his head;
hands over keys)
You're a danger to both the dead
and the living.

RANDAL
I like to think I'm a master of my
own destiny.

DANTE
Please, get the hell out of here.

RANDAL
I know I'm your hero.

Every bit of my soul will spend tomorrow screaming 'Spit the water, spit the goddamn water'. But I'll just shake hands and smile. Peace on earth. And North Hampshire.

Thought

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true
James B. Cabell

More freebies

Although my more than generous offer last November of a download at my expense of the sublime Chants of the Russian Orthodox Church by the Monks and Choirs of Kiev Pechersk Lavra fell flat on its arse I have not given up on my musical proselytising. Oh no.

The peerless Kristin Hersh of 50ft Wave/Throwing Muses has released a five track EP called Free Music. Five tracks and they're free. Get it here or be ungroovy mofo. I care not a jot.

Cheap shot

£2m Queen Mother memorial planned

Buckingham Palace has announced plans to build a £2 million memorial to the Queen Mother. Artists, architects and designers from around the world have been invited to submit designs, which will be judged by a panel and Prince Charles. The winning design will be placed off The Mall, in London, near the statue of King George VI, the late Queen Mother's husband and the Queen's father.

May I suggest

I feel sick...

Leicester 3-2 Tottenham

Mark de Vries scored an injury-time winner as Leicester came from two goals down to defeat Tottenham in the FA Cup.

Two up after forty minutes and the defence go to sleep. I hope Martin Jol makes the team walk home. And if anyone says 'at least you can focus on the league' there will be a homicide.

Cold drinks will now be taken.

Fucking hell.

Update.

Now the requisite 24 period of mourning has ended you know what, it doesn't seem so bad. We need to focus on the league. Christ, it's been 44 years since we've played in the European Cup/Champions League. We need Barcelona, AC and Bayern at WHL, not bloody Southampton.

Come on you Spurs!

Holy smoke

Jesus 'healed using cannabis'

Jesus was almost certainly a cannabis user and an early proponent of the medicinal properties of the drug, according to a study of scriptural texts published this month. The study suggests that Jesus and his disciples used the drug to carry out miraculous healings.

The anointing oil used by Jesus and his disciples contained an ingredient called kaneh-bosem which has since been identified as cannabis extract, according to an article by Chris Bennett in the drugs magazine, High Times, entitled Was Jesus a Stoner? The incense used by Jesus in ceremonies also contained a cannabis extract, suggests Mr Bennett, who quotes scholars to back his claims.

I do hope that this means the church will line up alongside those of us who intend to fight Blair's plans to reverse the recent relaxation of the drug laws. I somehow doubt it though.

The Lib Dumbs

Although it is only 7th January, the Backstabbing Bastards award for 2007 goes to Liberal Democrap parliamentary party, who despite the fact that he led them to their best election results for several generations only 7 months ago, have decided to dump and dump on Charles.

Embattled Kennedy quits as leader

Charles Kennedy has resigned as Liberal Democrat leader.

In a statement at Lib Dem HQ, Mr Kennedy said he had been "inundated" with support from party members since admitting having a drink problem. But he had decided to quit immediately because it had become clear he did not have strong enough support among MPs.

When Kennedy confessed to having a drink problem on Thursday, he also announced that he was calling a leadership election, challenging those who have been sniping behind his back to stand up and be counted. No one did so. Instead, they upped their whispering, their plotting, their cowardice and forced their leader out of office.

Kennedy has been criticised for being a liar, having persistently denied a drink problem since the rumours started 18 or so months ago. But a lying politician is hardly a newsflash is it? Bliar lied to take us into a war, yet retained the support of the majority of his party and indeed the country. Denial is a feature of alcoholism and Kennedy lied primarily to protect his personal life. I think there's a difference. Neither is a drink problem unique to Mr Kennedy. Churchill certainly liked a drop, but he did OK didn't he?

For whatever reason, Lib Dem MPs have gone against the wishes of the party membership and exposed themselves as a devious, untrustworth bunch of scoundrels. In doing so they may well have harmed 3 party politics in Britain. The Liberal party is supposed to be the one that does things differently, the ones who would break the mould. They've shown themselves to be nothing of the sort. I want my vote back.

Ooops

Jet tank fell 'inches' from man

A cyclist said he thought he was going to die after an auxiliary fuel tank from an RAF Harrier jet fell and missed him by inches in Devon on Friday. A military investigation is now under way following the incident, which happened when the aircraft was on a routine training flight. The empty, 10ft-long metal tank landed on a grass verge near the A3124 road at Winkleigh, police said. The RAF Cottesmore aircraft made a safe emergency landing at RNAS Yeovilton.

Winkleigh resident Les Sprason said he escaped death by inches as the fuel tank spiralled over his head while he cycled along the country road. "I thought, well I am going to die because it is going to explode, and this is me finished," he said. "I was aware of a jet coming from my right-hand side at a very low altitude. I was aware something broke away from the aircraft and was spinning and somersaulting through the air," he said. He said the tank then impacted in a field with a "dull thud".

It wouldn't have happend in my day. Back then, we'd have got him.

A message from Craig Murray

January 03, 2006


On the death of the Official Secrets Act

It has come as a surprise to some that I am not currently a guest of Her Majesty. It is plainly a disappointment to others, particularly the trolls who have been gleefully predicting on Lenin's Tomb that the agents of the state will come and get us.


We have published what were, undoubtedly, classified British government documents. Under the notorious Official Secrets Act that is an offence, and everyone connected with it is plainly guilty. There is no public interest defence.


But there are problems with the Official Secrets Act. Despite New Labour attempts to roll them back, British criminal trials still involve juries, and they are reluctant to convict in OSA trials, where they often sympathise with the motives of the defendant. Clive Ponting was acquitted after leaking that the Belgrano was heading home when we sank it. The jury acquitted him, against the clear direction of the judge. And that was in the context of the Falklands War, which the British public supported. What chance of a conviction in the context of the Iraq war, which the British public oppose?


Katharine Gunn released details of GCHQ's involvement with the NSA in bugging UN delegations in New York, and the government withdrew the charges against her rather than face a trial.


There is still time, but to date we haven't even been questioned about the torture telegrams. This is sensible - no British jury is going to convict someone for campaigning against government complicity in torture, in support of George Bush. The publicity surrounding a show trial is not something the government would relish.


Which is why it is confusing that the government have decided to prosecute Messrs Keogh and O'Connor for their alleged involvement in the leaking of the memo about George Bush's proposal to bomb al-Jazeera TV.

So why has that prosecution been brought? There are two vital factors.


Firstly, the UK government has little to fear from publicity. It reveals Bush as violent and unbalanced, but we knew that already. From a No 10 point of view, it shows Blair in a good light, talking Bush out of one of his madder schemes. It is evidence that Blair is not just Bush's bitch. This is a message No 10 are keen to get across, so publicity? No problem.


Secondly, the memo was not successfully leaked. If there was indeed an effort to leak it, it was made by people operating in the wrong century. The document wound up at the Daily Mirror, who were too cowardly to publish and tamely gave it back to the government. The days of heroic editors and publishers in the deadwood press are long gone. The mainstream media are completely intimidated by government - especially, let it be said, the BBC.


By contrast, the torture telegrams were featured on over 4,000 blogs worldwide within 72 hours.

Over the al-Jazeera memo the government looks to be doing the right thing in thwarting bush, and the government looks strong and commanding in suppressing the memo. By contrast, on the torture telegrams, the government has been caught using material from the World's most hideous torture chambers. Jack Straw and Tony Blair have been caught lying about the fact that they do this. And they have been shown to be completely impotent in their efforts to suppress the truth when faced with blogger revolt and modern technology.


They can still try to prosecute me if they want, but WE ARE THE PEOPLE!!


And we cannot be suppressed.


Craig Murray

Iraq, the final betrayal

Less than a month ago Mr Bush made a speech in which he stressed the importance of rebuilding Iraq, of "winning the battle after the battle". Very commendable.

Reconstruction efforts have of course been lamentable so far. Baghdad is lucky to get 12 hours electricity per day so we can only imagine what conditions are like outside the capital; in places like Fallujah which was bombed back to the stone age by US forces two years ago.

Yesterday however, Mr Bush changed his mind. He announced that, despite numerous assurances to the contrary, there would be no more US money for rebuilding Iraq, for fixing what he has broken. Iraq does of course have massive oil reserves and could, maybe, afford to pay for its own reconstruction I can here defenders of Bush saying. True enough, had not the US oil giants already decided the fate of Iraqi oil. Oil companies want oil money padding up their profits, not being used in a fashion best suited to some sort of utopian dream world. Morality? Fuck that, there’s profit to be made.

In reality, the real reason for the pull back has nothing to do with Iraq itself and everything to do with domestic politics. Bush’s approval ratings are amongst the lowest ever recorded. Charlie Manson could hardly be less popular were he president. There are mid-term elections later this year and the Republicans face the very real (and very glorious) prospect of losing control of both houses. The only way that this can be avoided is to get Iraq off the front pages. So there will be no more money. Troops will be withdrawn regardless of the security situation. Both Bush and Blair have signposted the impending withdrawal recently in total contradiction to previous assertions that Iraq would not be abandoned until it was a haven of peace and tranquillity. Which it clearly isn’t.

Years ago I saw Jasper Carrot do a show somewhere. This would have been in the early to mid eighties when many people thought that a nuclear war between East and West was inevitable. Jasper did a skit about this and asked what CND would be doing after the bomb. Would they, he enquired be walking around with placards saying “I told you so!!”? I feel a bit like that writing about Iraq. I was not blogging in 2003, but I was of course opposed to the invasion. Everything the anti war movement said has turned out to be correct. There were no WMD in Iraq. They were utterly unable to defend themselves with conventional weapons when faced with the invasion. Bush and Blair lied to forward their own agendas – whatever they may have been; oil and finishing what his father failed to do in Bush’s case, Blair’s insecurity at Britain’s diminishing role on the global stage? I don’t know.

The fact is that the invasion happened. We, or rather people acting in our name, as our elected representatives have destroyed the infrastructure and community of Iraq. The very least we can do now is put this right. We should be listening to Iraqi politicians, to the civic leaders, to the population asking them what they want, what they need and giving it to them without question, without hesitation, even if it means dividing the country up into its pre WW1 states. Leaving the country in chaos achieves nothing, except giving succour to those who would use our withdrawal to ferment more hatred against us. Bush and Blair owe it to us as much as to the people of Iraq to be real men of courage, true men of peace not pusillanimous cowards.

Heartless

AA upsets dead driver's relatives

The AA told the family of a member who collapsed at the wheel that it could not recover his car because his death meant his membership had lapsed. Lifelong AA member David Barker, 58, of Low Edges, Sheffield, died as he drove to a football match on 28 December. When relatives went to move his car they found the battery was flat and called the AA, but were told they would have to take out a new policy.

The AA admitted it failed to show "the compassion and sensitivity" expected.

I'm reminded of the story I heard regarding those sailors who died on the Titanic. The relatives only received their loved ones wages up to the day the ship sank rather than for the full voyage, and the cost of the lost uniforms was deducted. It's all about money folks. Humanity? Costs too much.

Kong me

So, Burger King are doing a tie in with the new King Kong movie. One of the BK adverts being shown on TV here has a chap getting out of his car moments before a massive Whopper gets dropped onto it. The allusion being, I assume, that your ‘Konged’ Whopper is too big even for a fifty foot ape to finish, something like that anyway – I don’t do ad-speak. So far so nothing to really get wound up about. But, last night I noticed something. As the camera pulls back to reveal the massive burger upon squished car, a caption appears on screen saying

“Actual burger not size shown”

The caption raised my ire - WTF!? Have we become so stupid as a race we need it spelling out to us that, in actual fact we’re not going to get a 15 foot diameter burger for under a fiver? Is this what we have become?

I was still thinking about it when I got to work this morning. So much so that I noticed something else for the first time. In the office toilets there are little signs above each of the hot taps. Can you guess what they say? Guess again.

“Caution. Hot water”

Imagine such a thing, hot water coming out of a hot tap. There was me expecting ambrosia and nectar. The times we live in.

Thought for the day

Do not put your trust in the potentates, rulers, and the rebels of this world, for their authority passes away and comes to an end and their works are as naught.

Craig Murray

A message from Craig Murray:

"Can I pass on my thanks to everyone who is posting the documents and making them public. You are striking a real blow for humanity and against the appalling decline in our civil liberties and standards.

We have also proved that, as long as we have good people out there, technology now makes it impossible for Western governments and political establishments to bury the truth, no matter how much they control the mainstream media."

And thank you, from me to those who reposted the story from here.

Two thousand and six

Happy new year everyone.

I hope all your dreams come true.